Intimate Relations
by wife-chan
Summary: Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. AU. WIP.
1. Touch Starved

**Title: **Prologue: _Touch Starved_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** Teen

**Warning:** AU. Little OOCness

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto owns it. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** Apparently we just can't stop writing. Because we bring you a new story! Also, this one is supposed to have less angst (you'd think that'd be easy, but not for us LOL) and more humor. Hope we managed.

**Summary:** Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. AU. WIP.

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It doesn't surprise Naruto that they left him tied to the post - and while it hurt that Sasuke, his _family_, left him like that, without a way of escaping - that they knew of - Naruto is aware that Sasuke doesn't know he is family. Naruto sighs and shakes his head before untensing his muscles, breathing out and sucking his thin belly even further in, and the ropes fall off him like water off a duck's back.

He quickly tracks down Sasuke's scent - which he knows almost better than his own - and finds the black haired Uchiha laying on the ground, staring at the sky. The Katon that he'd used during the bell test must have taken a lot out of him.

Naruto takes a few moments to study his cousin. He knows that Sasuke won't believe him until he shows him his sharingan, but he has to wonder how Sasuke will take to not being the last Uchiha anymore. Not that they'll be able to tell anyone, since Sandaime managed to pass on his paranoia to Naruto and the blond doesn't want to get into a political scandal. He hasn't even told Sarutobi about his sharingan. He hasn't told anyone.

He knows to keep quiet about the sharingan because his father, Namikaze Minato, told him when he was less than an hour old not to say anything about being an Uchiha. He only remembers because he'd been born with his sharingan active.

He figures that it had been the Kyuubi's killing intent that activated his sharingan and the Shiki Fujin that put his life in danger that made it evolve to the second level so fast. He knows that no one as young as he was, was supposed to have an active sharingan.

Activating it before even being born has messed his brain up but good. He had been cognizant and aware during his own birth. That was said to be impossible. But for him, anything is possible, so he supposes that being conscious while being born is just one more strange thing about him.

He follows Sasuke until the other Uchiha enters one of the empty alleys closer to the Uchiha districts, one that nobody ever travels since the massacre. He doesn't travel through here often either, no matter how much he's wanted to see the remaining member of his family, because the massacre _hurt_. Itachi's betrayal, his killing of everyone - despite Naruto never having known any of them - was still a bleeding wound in his chest.

He had lost a lot during that day, though nobody knew about it. Sasuke had lost even more though; he had lost everyone he'd known, everyone who'd loved him up until then- or so he thought, anyway. They'd both been alone, too. Naruto had considered approaching Sasuke in the days after the massacre, until he'd realized that while they wouldn't hurt him for spending time with Sasuke, the adults of the village wouldn't exactly condone it either.

So he'd spent years developing his prankster persona even farther than before, finding that being a harmless clown was not only a good way to suppress the loneliness, but also genuinely fun. Even if the Academy was the most boring places on earth, and having to sit through the lessons he knew by heart already was sometimes more than he could stand; well, there were a lot of pranks he could think up during that time. Besides, he got to see Iruka, one of the only adults who didn't despise him and in fact welcomed his company.

He learned a lot during the years he suffered through the Academy curriculum. Never much from the actual lessons, but from the things he found in the Academy library. By the end of his first year in the Academy, he had read all the books assigned to the different years classes, and even if it had taken him another year to fully comprehend everything and learn how to apply what the books taught him in real life, those first two years hadn't been wasted.

The years after that, he'd used henge to sneak into the civilian libraries and learn as much as he could about things like gardening (herbs for both healing and cooking), geology (how to use the terrain to your advantage) and first aid, since the shinobi library is so heavily guarded it seemed almost ridiculous at times. The one section in the shinobi archive that is open for everyone holds mostly things about politics and the customs of different countries, and while he's sure that would be useful to know sometime, at the moment it's little more than useless.

Sasuke stops at his house and Naruto watches him stare at it for a few seconds before entering. Sasuke pauses just inside and softly calls out the traditional greeting, but gets no response.

Naruto knows that Sasuke has done that since the Massacre. He knows that Sasuke will continue to do that until someone is there to answer him.

It's kind of sad.

Naruto never had anyone in the first place, but at the very least he can say that he remembers exactly what his mother and father look like and how they sound. He thinks that Sasuke's memories must be fading, like any normal person's memory does. He wishes that Sasuke had activated his sharingan before the Massacre.

Well, Naruto's about to fix that. Sasuke won't be alone anymore; he has Naruto now.

They are cousins after all.

He enters the courtyard silently, listening carefully for anyone else who might be in the area. He knows the ANBU take turns to watch his cousin, but they generally only do so during the night or whenever Sasuke has been alone for a long period of time. They should have spoken to him, Naruto thinks angrily. They could have just said hello, to let him know he wasn't completely alone in a house large enough to echo. It wouldn't have brought about any negative consequences for them to do so.

There is no point in his growling mentally at the ANBU, though, so he leaves that train of thought with a last sass at them; he'd be much more awesome than that. He'd not just go on routine, like a mindless automaton, he'd see the people too.

He knocks on the door quietly, more hesitant than he'd liked to admit. He'd gone over all possible scenarios before deciding to take the bull by the horns, and he knew things could easily go wrong. He didn't think they would, though. He'd watched over Sasuke for so long that he thought he at least had a semi-accurate picture of his cousin, more so than even the psychological profile the Academy reports had about him.

The door opens silently, and Naruto sees a kunai glint under narrowed suspicious eyes. It hurts a little that his cousin looks at him with such suspicion, though he knows it isn't rational to think so. Sasuke doesn't know him, after all.

"Dobe?"

There is surprise in Sasuke's voice, quickly masked and choked. Naruto nods, dropping his normally eternally-cheerful mask for the seriousness befitting this situation. It isn't that he isn't a genuinely happy person; not everything he showed the public was a mask, but contrary to what most people believes - shinobi and civilian alike - he is not _just_ a clown.

"Hey Sasuke." He leaves of the 'teme' suffix that his mask usually adds to Sasuke's name and Sasuke's eyes sharpen, "I wanted to talk with you."

Sasuke obviously doesn't want to talk to him because he goes to close the door in Naruto's face. Naruto reaches out and grabs the edge of the door and stops it cold. Sasuke's eyes widen and he looks from Naruto's hand to his blue eyes and he frowns.

"What the hell..."

"Sasuke, it's about your family." Naruto wants to say 'our' family, but can't. Not yet. He has to get Sasuke somewhere safe first. Somewhere no one will see or hear what he's about to reveal.

Sasuke's face closes off and he glares at Naruto, "You don't have the right to talk to me about my family," he spits out with contempt and Naruto shakes his head.

"No, wait, Sasuke-" Naruto sighs and steps away from the door, running a hand through his shaggy hair, "Sasuke, it's not like that. I really need to tell you something, but it can't be overheard. It's important."

Sasuke looks indecisive, and Naruto does understand his reluctance. After all, what could the dead last possibly know about the Uchiha clan? It still annoys him a bit though, since he really doesn't feel like standing on the threshold to their family's house while Sasuke debates the merits of going with him. In the end though, he does do what Naruto predicted he would: he steps out the door to follow him.

Sasuke would never take the chance that Naruto might know something about his family and that he bypassed hearing about it, no matter how unlikely it seems to him. A bit of an obvious vulnerable spot for an enemy to take advantage of, really. But then, they've only just become genin, and for all Sasuke's genius, he's still lacking experience. To be fair, they both are; but Sasuke more than himself.

He takes them across lesser traveled roads to one of the training grounds that borders the wall facing west, and steps lightly over the grass towards one of his favorite thinking spots. This training ground isn't often used anymore, since it was deemed unsafe to be so close to the weakest side of the wall during the war. That weakness has since been rectified, but apparently the habits were too well ingrained, since no jounin or chuunin active during the war used it anymore, and nobody else knew about it. Naruto himself had only by accident stumbled upon it - quite literally - after a mad dash to get away from an angry mob after one of his pranks a few years ago.

While it was true that he's never been beaten by the villagers, they still punish him for his attention seeking pranks. He's tried to use fairly harmless things in his pranks, but sometimes he's under-estimated things, or something goes wrong unintentionally and he's blamed for the resulting injuries.

Sasuke is silent as they walked. Naruto wonders what he's thinking. He's well able to guess that Sasuke thinks that if this is a prank or a joke, he could beat the ever living crap out of Naruto to make himself feel better. He's wrong, but it's probably one of the few reasons Sasuke had decided to follow him.

When they reach the out of the way training field - all ground in with long grass and small trees - Naruto sits down on the ground abruptly, drawing his knees up to his chest.

Sasuke watches him with narrowed eyes.

"What did you have to say to me, Dobe?"

"I've never had a family," Naruto starts. He needs to be clear on this for Sasuke to understand why he's waited as long as he had, "I know I had a mother and a father, but they both died the day I was born. It's understandable that they both died on the same day considering that I was born during the Kyuubi attack." Sasuke pales and Naruto thinks that he's getting through. "Since I lost my parents the day I was born, I've never had anyone be kind to me. Except maybe Hokage-sama and Iruka-sensei."

Sasuke straightens his spine, his body rigid, "What has that got to do with my family, Dobe?"

"I'm scared, Sasuke." Naruto refuses to look up into those black eyes that stare at him with contempt. "I... I have a family that I've never contacted because I'm scared they would have ignored me as well. No matter what I do, I'm not good enough. So I hid. And I protected."

Sasuke is getting interested despite himself and Naruto takes that as a good sign, "What do you mean?"

"When I figured out who my family was, I was amazed. But I never said anything. Because I couldn't. I didn't want to drown my family in my reputation. Things were bad enough for them. And then a year after I figured it out... they died. All of them." Naruto raises his head and looks at Sasuke plainly, "All but one traitor, and one kid, my age."

Naruto sees the light of disbelief enter Sasuke's yes when the boy grasps what he's implying, and that doesn't surprise Naruto at all. He wouldn't trust him - or rather, his prankster persona - either. The belief fades and is replaced by an anger that's courting rage, but before Sasuke gets far enough in his violent thoughts to try and punch him, Naruto blinks at him.

With sharingan eyes.

There is absolute silence for almost an entire minute. Sasuke's eyes widen slowly and his face pales to an alarming shade of greyish white. Naruto frowns; he hadn't expected Sasuke to react adversely to his revelation, and wonders with dawning worry if he's miscalculated. Maybe he should have waited a while longer to talk to him, when they'd gotten to know each other as a team... but it'd been hard enough waiting this long to reveal himself, and Naruto doesn't think he would have been able to be so close to his only living - acknowledged - relative without hurting every time he saw nothing in the other's eyes.

Naruto needs Sasuke, and Sasuke needs him. His cousin needs a big brother who could be a role model, to erase the memories of the Weasel.

"Sasuke?" Naruto asks quietly, watching the boy's eyes turn inward and his throat swallows convulsively. Naruto wants to reach out to touch him, ensure that he's alright, but he doesn't dare to.

"...You - you're - an Uchiha?" he asks hoarsely and his eyes are tracing Naruto's features, trying to find a connection. Naruto isn't surprised when he frowns at the yellow mop of hair on his head, because it really isn't very Uchiha.

"Yes," he says quietly, carefully, trying to gauge the boy's reactions. Because Sasuke is a boy; they may be the same age in year of life, but Naruto has had his sharingan activated since the day he was born, and remembers six more years of his own life than Sasuke does of his.

Sasuke stares into his eyes then, hunger and longing that would probably be mistaken for another kind of emotion to anyone but Naruto. But Naruto understands, because he feels it too. When the boy raises a hand to Naruto's cheek, tracing the skin just under his eye with feathery touches, Naruto smiles a little. He almost wants to cry, he feels so happy.

"How?" Sasuke chokes out, finally, and Naruto covers the pale hand with his own tanned one. He is a little surprised that Sasuke allows the action, because his cousin has been very reluctant to touch anyone since the massacre. Naruto wouldn't have blamed Sasuke if he hadn't wanted him to touch him either, especially as intimate a touch as almost holding hands.

But maybe Sasuke is as touch starved as Naruto is, because he closes his eyes a little and shivers. Naruto doesn't know if he's trying to hold back tears or if he's afraid, but he forges on. That's about all he can - and wants to - do in this situation. He wants to tell Sasuke who he is; he's wanted someone to see the real him for so long it's like an old ache in his stomach - usually ignored, but always present.

So he talks, for real. With his own inflections and vocabulary and emotions, and it's such a relief; it's like taking a deep breath after having held it in for so long. He tells Sasuke about activating his sharingan the moment before he was born and watches his cousin's black eyes widen when Naruto tells him about his father, about the Yondaime, and about the masks he's cultivated and perfected over the years.

He talks about how he'd wanted to talk to Sasuke after the massacre, wanted to share his pain, but unable to because of the village general dislike of him. About how he'd done the only thing he felt he could; he'd decided to end up on the same team as Sasuke, throwing the Academy's lessons and skipping classes to ensure he'd be the dead last to Sasuke's rookie of the year.

When he tells Sasuke how proud he'd been in his progress, a silent tear drops down the boy's cheek. His eyes are wide open and Naruto can barely see the dilated pupils in the circle of black. And then when he tells his cousin how worried he'd been to see Sasuke retreat further and further away from the world as the years went by, and how he'd been trying to watch out for him as much as he could, both in and out of the Academy, Sasuke sobs a laugh.

"It was you, wasn't it? The carrot cakes on my windowsill every birthday?" he says with a hitch in his voice, and Naruto is truly proud of how quick Sasuke is on the uptake. His cousin isn't called a genius for nothing.

"Yes; they're your favorite," Naruto feels his own throat close up at the look on Sasuke's face and isn't all to surprised when he ends up with an armful of Uchiha. Naruto hugs him as tightly as he can, probably a bit too tightly, but he can't help it. He's been waiting for this moment all his life, and now that it's here it's so much more emotional and real than he'd ever dreamed of.

They sit with their arms wrapped around each other for several minutes, and though it's a very uncharacteristic thing to do for the both of them (Sasuke isn't the only one who doesn't enjoy being touched very much) it feels just right in this moment. They've found each other. They're together. They're safe, if only for the moment.

When Sasuke finally leans back he shows only a little embarrassment at his tears, and he tries to be subtle in wiping them away. Naruto watches the skyline to give him privacy and then scoots to the side of the tree to make room for his cousin. Sasuke blinks at him and then moves to the side gracefully, coming to rest at his right side, close enough to brush their shoulders together. Naruto is glad that he isn't the only one who feels the need to have the other within touching distance.

When Sasuke speaks up again, several minutes later, his voice is back to normal - if a bit warmer than usually. "So you manipulated the whole school system, just so we'd end up on the same team?" Naruto can feel Sasuke watch him from the corner of his eye and feels a little embarrassed. He doesn't want Sasuke to think he's clingy, and he almost laughs it off, when he sees the soft curve of his cousin's lips. Sasuke is _smiling_. Truly smiling; not smirking or sneering or anything else.

Naruto feels almost giddy at the thought that he put that expression on Sasuke's face, and bumps their shoulders together before answering. Sasuke tilts his head to rest on the tree trunk at his back, looking at him with the most unguarded expression Naruto has seen on the boy's face since Itachi's betrayal. He doubts it would look like much more than a slight softening of his normally stoic features to anyone else from their Academy class, but Naruto knows it's much more than that.

"Yeah, I did," he answers and then adds mischievously, "It was a lot of fun, too." Sasuke's smile turns into a non-aggressive smirk and he snorts, looking a little amused. Then the amusement fades, and in its place is an intent expression that makes Naruto a little nervous.

"So it wasn't only a mask then?" Sasuke asks quietly, and Naruto is stuck by how perceptive his cousin is, even without the sharingan. He's not sure what gave him away, and though he knows he should probably be worried that Sasuke realized it so quickly, he can't really bring himself to care much. This is his cousin, after all, and it wasn't like he was trying to hide himself from Sasuke.

"No, it's not," Naruto confirms and Sasuke nods. The intent expression fades and his eyes flicker up to Naruto's hair. Naruto isn't sure what Sasuke is thinking, but it doesn't look like it's about something painful, so the silence is alright.

"Your mother's name... what was it?" And Naruto can tell that Sasuke is flipping through the rosters of Uchiha clan members in his head to try to put a face to his mother, to see if he'd known her, even if only by name.

"Uchiha Kushina," Naruto says and Sasuke's eyes widen in recognition. Naruto knew it would; he had no doubt that even without the sharingan, Sasuke remembered everything about from clan member's personal records, even about the ones he'd never known when they were among the living.

"You have her chin..." Sasuke says and Naruto smiles a little. He'd seen a picture of his mother once, in a book listing the Academy teachers lost during the Kyuubi attack. Iruka had been the one to show him, never understanding just how much that had meant to Naruto.

Sasuke continues, drawing a finger lightly over the features he mentions, "And the shape of her eyes... the cheeks, too..." They're sitting so close their noses are almost touching and Naruto suddenly can't help but wonder how it would look to any outside eyes. Highly suspicious, no doubt. Then a small light goes off in his brain, the same way it always does when he's stumbled over a great idea for a prank. There'll need to be some refinement of the details, but... yes, it should be a lot of fun. And he won't even need any particular materials.

"But Naruto, I don't understand why the village doesn't know about you, about who you are..." Sasuke's question is like a cold bucket of water over Naruto's tentative plotting and he involuntarily tenses. He could lie about this. He could, because the answer to that question is something that he wouldn't even blame Sasuke for being scared and hateful of.

But oh, how that would hurt.

Naruto was always good at facing his demons, literally and figuratively, but he doesn't want to be rejected by Sasuke. He doesn't much care about what other people think about him and his relationship to his tenant, but he doesn't want Sasuke's eyes to narrow in hatred or fear directed at him.

"Sasuke... I was born October 10th..." he begins quietly, not sure how to proceed. Sasuke just nods at him, looking confused, which doesn't surprise him.

"Demons as powerful as the Kyuubi can't be killed.... no matter what the Academy teachers say," Naruto states, trying to sound firm but fearing that he might come off as shaky, instead. Sasuke is starting to look worried, even as he examines the statement in his mind.

"...What happened to it, then?" he asks, frowning. He doesn't look like he doubts Naruto's words and Naruto isn't sure if he should be flattered or worried that Sasuke believes in his word more than their teachers. Not that that matters now, anyway.

Naruto takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Sasuke, the Yondaime didn't kill the Kyuubi. He sealed it."

Sasuke frowns even more, shaking his head. "I thought all animate things had to be sealed in the living?" He quotes one of the more advanced lessons on basic sealing, wherein the teacher had explained that something animate has to be in something animate, and something inanimate had to be sealed in something inanimate.

"Yes. Like in humans," Naruto murmurs and it only takes Sasuke a second to pale completely. Naruto flinches a little and tries to prepare himself for the coming outburst.

"_The Yondaime - your _father_ - sealed the Fox in you?_" he snarls and Naruto feels his dreams slip through his fingers, but nods anyway. He doesn't want to lie to Sasuke.

And then his cousin says what Naruto was expecting the least, "_How could he?!_" he draws Naruto into his arms harshly, holding on to him the same almost too-tight way Naruto had held onto him before. And it takes Naruto several moments to process the fact that_ Sasuke isn't afraid_. He's holding him, _trying to comfort him_.

They hug until they can't hug anymore and Sasuke seats himself in between Naruto's spread legs, wrapping the blond's arms around his waist to keep him close. Naruto leans in and breathes in Sasuke's scent. The scent of home.

"Thank you," He whispers. He won't ever be able to thank Sasuke enough for not hating him, or despising him.

"You're so brave," Sasuke wonders out loud in quiet amazement, leaning back into his cousin's hold, "You told me... you told me that we're family and you told me about... that, even though you thought I would reject you."

Naruto shrugs a little, but knows from the way Sasuke just holds him tighter that he can see past the nonchalance with ease. Naruto presses his forehead into the junction between Sasuke's neck and shoulder, breathing in more of his scent. It's something that comes from the Kyuubi, Naruto knows, the wanting to sniff people to catalog them. Sasuke has a hint of his own scent, a familiarity, that speaks of blood bonds and it smells amazing.

"My chakra coils are a lot bigger than average, because they had to adapt to the Kyuubi's chakra," Naruto mumbles into Sasuke's skin and Sasuke stills, before bringing a hand up to rest at Naruto's nape. His cousin's palm is pleasantly cool, and Naruto sighs a little. It feels good to know that Sasuke is trying, awkwardly, to act like family. It must be hard for him to drop the coldness he's been shrouded in for so long, but he's trying his best anyway.

"I can't tell anyone that I'm the Fourth's son, because he had so many enemies. You know what he did to the Iwa-nin," Naruto mutters, continuing his explanation and feeling surprisingly relaxed about it. It's like lancing a wound, he thinks, almost therapeutic.

Sasuke nods, bowing his head forward a little, letting Naruto run his nose over the back of his neck.

"That's- the smelling me thing? That's from 'it', right?" Sasuke asks and Naruto hums his agreement to Sasuke question. "Oh." He breathes in deep but his heart rate doesn't speed up with fear or anything, "What do I smell like?"

He sounds curious and Naruto smiles against his skin.

"Like home."

Sasuke stops and then starts breathing again. Naruto knows at this point that he will never, ever be pushed off of Sasuke when he wants to, or needs to, scent him. Sasuke doesn't want his cousin to feel like his isn't welcome in the family, like he isn't welcome to be a part of Sasuke's life.

It's a great thing for his latest - and greatest - planned prank. And it won't even hurt Sasuke, just the villagers and the Council. He giggles a little. Oh boy, will the Civilian Council just want to kill him for 'making the last Uchiha gay'. This is going to be so awesome.

But he has to think about it a bit more before actually going through with it because Sasuke is his only family now. Sasuke is family. He doesn't want to hurt him, not in any way, shape, or form.

"Did you just giggle?" Sasuke asks, incredulous, looking over his shoulder at Naruto. Naruto grins at him and Sasuke rolls his eyes, "You are so immature."

Naruto's face falls and he looks away. He never had a 'childhood'. Because of his sharingan he's always felt so very much older than his body. He has the mind of at least an eighteen year old and he's only supposed to be twelve. It hurts sometimes that he'll never be looked at like he's normal, that he'll never be normal.

He wants to be normal.

Sasuke's face contorts and he twists his body so that he's lying chest to chest with Naruto. He reaches out and grasps his face, "Naruto," He says seriously, "I don't mind if you're happy. I'm happy too."

Naruto kisses his cheek then presses their foreheads together. He's taking more liberties with Sasuke than he should, and he's not sure that Sasuke will want to be so close to him, but he can't help it. He needs the physical contact as well as scent. He needs all of his senses filled with his family; taste, touch, smell, sound, and sight.

He wonders how to explain that to Sasuke, but maybe he doesn't need to because Sasuke bumps their noses together gently and smiles.

"You don't mind?" he whispers, because although Sasuke doesn't feel or smell like he minds, Naruto still wants Sasuke to confirm it out loud. He knows this behavior isn't normal in a human, and he'll understand if it makes Sasuke uncomfortable, but he needs this. The familial connection goes deeper than his human mind, into the small piece of him that changed when the Kyuubi was first sealed into him. The one that screams 'pack' whenever Sasuke's scent reaches him, when the boy touches or talks to him.

He tells Sasuke as much and Sasuke nods, looking serious but still unafraid and undisturbed. It's so much more than what Naruto was hoping for, and he nuzzles Sasuke's neck again, almost wanting to lick him to taste his skin. But he's afraid that would be a little too much; a little too animalistic. He's only barely accepted that urge himself, and he's still so afraid he'll scare his cousin off.

They sit in silence for a while; both trying to come to terms with how much has changed in such a short period of time. They've both shed their masks, if only for this moment, and both are more vulnerable than they've allowed themselves to be for many years. It surprisingly comfortable to sit like this too, Naruto thinks with contentment. No matter how it would look like to the outside.

With that thought, his mind returns to the prank and he thinks that it could even help his cousin a little to have people think he's gay. He knows how much Sasuke hates to be touched by strangers, how much he hates the fact that the gaggle of fangirls will never leave him alone no matter how many times he turns them away. And everyone knows that when a clan member is courting someone, you stay the hell away.

Naruto smiles into the scent of home.

And it'll be so much fun, too.

*****xxXXxx*****


	2. Introductions

**Title:** Chapter One: _Introductions_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** K+

**Warning:** OOCness,

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** Yeah. So one part went spastic with a plot bunny and sent it to the other, and then she went spastic too. Over two days we've written so much we're amazing ourselves.

**Summary: **Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. AU. WIP. Misunderstandings galore.

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Sasuke drags Naruto out the door, frowning severely. He's known for a long time, even before the revelation, that the villagers don't treat his cousin very well, but the fact that some moronic council members would deny him even the basic orphan fund - just allowing him the bare bones of all the different funding and services available to longtime orphans was disgusting.

Naruto hadn't even seemed very upset over the fact that he was living on the absolute minimum anyone - let alone an orphaned child! -in Konoha who for some reason or other couldn't pay for themselves, was allowed. He'd just shrugged and said that most restaurant and shop owners didn't like it when he showed up, and that though they didn't do much more than glare and occasionally insult him, he really didn't feel like going to places like that.

And so, Sasuke had asked, trying to keep his rage in, where Naruto usually ate. That was how he got the full story about Naruto's ramen addiction; how the ramen chef and his daughter had been the only ones to actually welcome him to their stand.

And he'd promptly demanded an introduction. Naruto had seemed hesitant at first, but Sasuke hadn't given him much time to think about it. He'd decided that he'd drag his cousin along, if that's what it would take.

He does know where the ramen stand is, after all, and as they get farther from the Uchiha district, Naruto stops trying to convince him not to go. Instead he starts running alongside him, still keeping their hands clasped together.

Sasuke thinks that maybe he should be feeling embarrassed, but they're moving too fast for the civilians to get a good look at them, but not fast enough to alarm the shinobi into sending them second glances.

"I didn't even bring my wallet!" Naruto groans as they get closer to the stand. Sasuke squeezes his hand a little and shakes his head.

"It's on me, silly," he says gently, and though his cousin kind of looks like he wants to snap an insult back at him, something in Sasuke's face apparently startles Naruto - maybe the soft smile Sasuke can feel curl his lips upward - because he snaps his opening mouth shut. It takes him a few moments to give his outright agreement, but Sasuke doesn't mind. He understands pride, after all.

****xxXxx****

Ayame is just starting to take out the ingredients for the early-bird customers, like a certain blond boy, when she hears approaching footsteps. She knows they're ninja, because they have a certain way of walking and running that she's learned to recognize over the years she's been taking care of the stand with her father.

"Ayame-chan!" The blond boy in question calls out a cheerful greeting and Ayame turns around with a smile on her lips for her favorite customer. She doesn't have the chance to actually say something though, because the words get stuck in her throat when she sees who he's brought with him to the stand.

When she sees who's _hand_ he's _holding_.

Uchiha Sasuke. The last Uchiha, the clan heir... It takes her several seconds to get her bearings together enough to answer the greeting. She hopes he doesn't think she's being rude intentionally; she's just not sure what to think about their entwined fingers.

She's surprised again when Uchiha-san bows a little to her; every time she's seen him out and about, he usually looks like the epitome of all stuck-up clan heirs.

Looks like she'll have to adjust that view of him, since it's obviously not correct. Or maybe, not correct any longer.

They seat themselves next to each other, and Naruto leans forward eagerly the way he always does when he smells noodles boiling. She's not as focused on him as she usually is though, because she's almost bursting with curiosity about how exactly Naruto knows Uchiha-san. But those questions can wait until later. Right now, she's the host of the Ichiraku ramen stand, and she has a job to do.

"What would you like?"

She waits for Naruto to exuberantly call out every flavor he wants, but instead she hears the Uchiha's cool voice; "Two miso ramen, please."

She shocked that not only is Uchiha-san ordering for Naruto - ordering his favorite flavor, no less - but he's also acting very courteous to her. That's practically unheard of from a clan heir to a regular civilian. And his tone is so formal, too... as if he and Naruto are- as if they're- no. No, that can't be.

They can't be on a date, can they? The moment that thought crosses her mind, overlapping the pictures of their clasped hands at their arrival, she stops moving. It's only for a second, because she knows she must be over-thinking it. Yes. They were, holding hands, for some, other, _non-romantic_ reason...

She doesn't even manage to vaguely convince herself. Clan heirs do not go around holding people's hands, unless they're involved.

She hears them speak quietly to one another, and though she knows it's rude she can't help but strain her ears to listen in. She wants to know what's going on between her unappreciated friend and the Uchiha, wants to make sure everything is alright.

"You're right, Naruto," she hears the Uchiha murmur quietly; "It is delicious." Despite herself, Ayame finds herself blushing at the praise. She's proud of being such a good cook; it's the one thing she has always been good at. Been the best at, actually. And hearing genuine praise from a clan heir is a testament to her skill, because the Uchiha must be used to eating only at the best, most expensive restaurants.

Naruto hums contentedly, and Ayame turns around to see the Uchiha running a hand over Naruto's back and shoulders. It's a very intimate gesture, and Ayame's vague suspicions from before blooms in her mind. This- there is no way this is not a date. Somehow, Naruto-kun is dating Uchiha Sasuke.

She kind of wants to lean forward and look outside to make sure the sky isn't falling down on their heads, but refrains. Instead she approaches the pair - _couple_.

"Uchiha-san," she begins, and he looks up at her calmly, still keeping a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto himself looks a little nervous, and she can't help but wonder if he thinks she'll incriminate them for being together. "What are your intentions towards Naruto?" Both Naruto and Sasuke look stunned, but she was expecting that, so she shows no reaction - and hopes she's made the right choice.

The question holds a lot more meaning than it sounds like; it's what an older family member would ask a family accepting a marriage, an adopted baby, a new family member, or a potential boy- or girlfriend. And since Naruto doesn't have anyone to be that for him, she will. If he'll let her. If Uchiha-san will let her.

"Upon the Uchiha honor, I swear that my intentions are honorable," Uchiha-san answers formally, and this time, Ayame is the one who's shocked. More than shocked, actually. Because that is not the answer a casual date would give. That is what an adoptive family member or a... _fiancé_ - oh. God. Wha- no- _Courting_?

_The Uchiha is courting Naruto?_ As in, courting him for an engagement? _For a coming marriage?_

Ayame swallows several times in a row, trying to speak again. She doesn't know if she wants to congratulate them or smack the Uchiha heir over the head with the wooden spoon in her hand. Or smack Naruto with it. Or cry. Or laugh.

In the end, she does the only thing she can to show her support without stuttering over her words (still being in much to shock to be coherent). She tells them the ramen is on the house.

They thank her and Uchiha-san runs his hand lightly over Naruto's hair. The smile the dark-haired boy shoots Naruto takes Ayame's breath away. She'd never before understood what it was all the girls were yapping about when they spoke of the Uchiha's beauty and whatnot, but she thinks she might be starting to see what they see. When the black haired boy smiles like that - with obvious love for Naruto - he is more than beautiful to her.

They finish their bowls, still speaking quietly to each other, and Ayame does her best to give them privacy. The Uchiha is so attentive when Naruto speaks; those black eyes hardly leave the blond's face. She is happy for her little brother, happy that he's found someone who _does_ know how much he's truly worth. Someone who'll appreciate him - for the rest of his life.

****xxXxx****

Sakura fumes as she jogs across the street to get to that ramen stand the dead last frequents. She can't believe that stupid boy would drag her Sasuke-kun away to eat at some cheap stand. Honestly, Sasuke-kun is an Uchiha; he's high-born and obviously used to eating at elegant restaurants.

...She can imagine herself and the Uchiha heir eating at that one place she passes on the way from her house to the training field every morning...

And _argh_, she can feel drops of sweat run down her back! She'd showered and put on perfume just an hour ago, and now that has all gone to waste. If she kept this up, her make-up would start running too.

When she got a hold of the blond brat, she would beat him within an inch of his life.

_Shannaro!_ her Inner Self shouts, obviously agreeing. Someone like Naruto shouldn't even be attempting to be close to someone as amazing as Sasuke-kun; the Uchiha heir is as far above the loser's station as the sky is above the earth. Well, technically, he is very much above her as well... but that's another thing entirely. She belongs with him, that's just the way it is.

She reaches the stand and takes a few minutes to wipe away some of the sweat from her brow, grumbling to herself all the while. From her weapons pouch, she produces a small mirror and watches herself from every angle to make sure she looks as perfect as she possibly can. Geh, why aren't there any jutsu to fix cosmetics and remove sweat?

That girl who runs the stand with her father is there, but the stand itself is empty of customers. Sakura feels like screaming in frustration, but since that would be impolite - and politeness is one of her virtues - she composes herself and walks to the stand with as much grace as she can. The girl still looks up before she's gotten close, and inwardly Sakura is surprised. A civilian shouldn't be able to hear a shinobi's approach...

She shrugs it off quickly though, since she has more important things to worry about.

"Pardon me," she calls out politely and waits until the older girl has turned around before turning her smile on full-power. It's the smile that used to make Academy teachers _melt_... but for some reason, the girl only blinks a little and then narrows her eyes. Sakura's smile wavers, but she keeps up the pretence of politeness when she asks if the chef has seen her teammates.

The older girl lights up a little, and then nods. "Yes, they were just here. It's so great to see them together..." she trails off, shaking her head and smiling. Sakura doesn't know what she means, and doesn't really care much either, so she just nods and then asks if the girl knows where they might have gone afterwards.

"I think they were going to the training field your team meets up at," the older girl muses, and Sakura is just about to thank her and leave, when she adds, "But I don't think you should disturb them in the middle of their first date."

It takes Sakura several seconds to absorb that utterly strange sentence. When she does, she blinks several times in a row and then only barely resists rolling her eyes. The older girl is obviously one of those _yaoi fangirl _people. It's still rather disgraceful that she's be so deluded that she thinks someone like Sasuke would be - like that - with someone like _Naruto_.

The girl hasn't even noticed Sakura's opinion of her statement and continues, "And to think that they'd be courting too!"

Sakura blinks. She blinks again, quicker.

"... _What?"_

Sakura knows about courting; she's read enough informative books about how a dreamy clan heir could go about courting someone to know that a courting is very hard to misunderstand. There is a formality to pre-marital dating that there isn't in normal dating.

But there is no way. Absolutely _no way_. Despite that, she listens to the older girl babble about how they looked so _happy_ and _sweet_ and in the end she wants to gag.

Calling out a quick 'thank-you, bye-bye' she takes off running to the training field; for once not caring what she'll look like when Sasuke sees her. She just wants to see him, see with her own eyes that the girl is wrong about Sasuke-kun. She knows she's worried for nothing. ...She's not even truly worried. Really... just a bit, _concerned_.

...Because there is no way it could be true.

Sasuke is so cool. Naruto is a dobe. Sasuke is the last of a long line of important dōjutsu users. Naruto is an orphan.

How is it possible then, that when she reached the open field, Sasuke is _hovering_ over Naruto like he thinks Naruto is the be-all and end-all of the world? That ramen girl _must_ be wrong. There is no way that _her_ Sasuke-kun would be, of all things, _courting_ the dobe.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura clasps her hands to her heart and looks at him with stars in her eyes, "Do you want to go out on a date with me?"

"Hn." Sasuke turns from her and places a gentle hand on the dobe's shoulder.

Sakura frowns.

Sasuke leans down a bit - Naruto is so much smaller than the ever awesome Sasuke-kun - then walks over to Kakashi-sensei to talk to him, probably about something super important.

Sakura stomps over to Naruto, "How dare you!" She yells at him. He's acting above his station! She can't let Sasuke-kun get dragged through the mud with this insignificant orphan bastard! "You don't touch Sasuke-kun with your filthy little paws!" She raises her hand, about to hit the moronic idiot.

A hand catches her wrist and she looks over to see Sasuke holding her. She almost swoons. Sasuke-kun is _touching_ her.

And then he speaks, "Don't touch Naruto."

She frowns inwardly. Why is Sasuke-kun calling the street urchin by name? "Sasuke-kun?" She questions, confused.

"I will not repeat myself," Sasuke hisses at her and she's shocked, "Naruto is not a punching bag and he is a valued member of this team. Much more than you are."

"But Sasuke-kun!" She whimpers, "He's just an urchin!"

Sasuke's face goes completely blank and then he _snarls_ at her. Actually snarls at her.

"He's mine, now. And I'm his. Back off."

...

Sakura blinks. And blinks again. Then blinks for a third time.

"You what?"

He snarls at her again, lets her go, grabs Naruto's hand (she freaks out more than a little when Sasuke-kun twines their fingers together) and stalks off, pulling Naruto along behind him. Gently.

Huh.

Did... that make Sasuke-kun gay?

*****xxXXxx*****


	3. Wave

**Title:** Chapter Two: _Wave_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** M

**Warning:** Some OOCness,

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** Yes, we have several chapters finished. We are having so much fun :D (We told you we have a hard time not putting angst into everything...) Just to let everyone know, Naruto and Sasuke are not together in a romantic sense (and never will be), Naruto's playing a prank on the village and Sasuke doesn't know. Yet. Mwahahaha :D Also? I HAVE BEEN WAITING LIKE MAD FOR FRIDAY. And it is now Friday. :D Have, a chapter!

**Summary: **Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. **AU**. WIP. Misunderstandings galore.

*****xxXXxx*****

Naruto rips the shopping bag apart, and Sasuke is exasperated at his impatience. He can't get too annoyed though, because the fact that Naruto wants to do something for him on his birthday makes him embarrassingly happy. He's trying not to show how pleased he is, but isn't sure if he's succeeding. Probably not though, with the way his lips keep twitching upwards. He'd only barely been able to keep his mask up in public, and he could never allow that to slip.

They start baking, though Sasuke isn't sure if 'baking' is the right word for it, what with how messy everything in the kitchen is getting. There is flour on the wall next to the stove and splatters of egg on the floor. Naruto has sugar in his hair, raining down around his shoulders every time he moves, and Sasuke himself has splotches of butter and whipped cream on the front of his shirt. They aren't even _using _whipped cream though, and he has no idea where it came from.

He can't make himself mind the mess though, despite the fact that he could have made the cake himself without causing the food war casualties in the kitchen. It's almost amazing how Naruto can be so graceful and quick when they spar, and so clumsy at other times. Sasuke doesn't know if he's doing it on purpose - his cousin has stated how much he's always wanted to be normal several times, and this might be one of those 'normal' things that Naruto needs. And he isn't about to call attention to it, if that is the case. Seeing the other Uchiha grin like he does, is enough.

So when Naruto sits down and grabs another egg, knocking it into a bowl and then scoops up some of the cream cheese - totally against the recipe instructions - Sasuke just shakes his head and goes to stop him, not actually complaining that Naruto has wasted the ingredients. He sees that Naruto has separated the yolk from the white in a cup to the side, and the sticky whitish mess really doesn't look anywhere near appetizing.

"But Sasuke, it tastes so much better like this!" Naruto assures him and dips a finger into the bowl. Sasuke resists a revolted grimace and retrieves a spoon from one of the drawers. If Naruto says so, he'll have to believe him... when he's tried it for himself. Maybe.

He scoops up a spoonful and watches it jiggle slightly as he brings it to his mouth. Closing his eyes, he's just about to swallow the whole thing, mostly just to get it over with, when Naruto lets out a startled yelp. Sasuke is surprised enough that he accidentally splatters most of it on his chin, and then he looks up in alarm.

To his relief, no enemies are popping out of the woodwork; Naruto has just managed to spill about half the contents of the bowl in his lap. Sasuke snorts and then takes an absent lick of the substance at the corner of his mouth, surprised to find that it does taste rather good, if a bit tangy.

"Do you have any spare pants?" Naruto laments, pouting a little. Sasuke rolls his eyes, but nods.

"Yes, in my room. But make sure you put that in the laundry pile first," he answers, rubbing at the sticky stains on his shirt. He'll need a clean one as well though that can wait until Naruto is done in the bathroom.

Only a few seconds after Naruto has wandered off, the doorbell rings. Sasuke is more than surprised; very few people know what house in the compound he lives in, and so far, none of them has come to visit. It takes him a few moments, as he walks through the corridor to the hallway, to remember that he hasn't had the time to clean up yet. Then he notices and recognizes Kakashi-sensei's chakra signature and gives an internal shrug.

Well, their teacher won't care if they're baking, Sasuke thinks and takes another lick at the whipped cream he'd scooped from his shirt before he opens the door.

When he opens the door, and licks the last of the pale almost liquid - obviously not whipped enough if it's still this liquidy - from his fingers, he looks up to see Kakashi's eye wide open and staring.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Yes, Kakashi? Sensei?" He has to remember to add 'sensei' whenever he talks to Kakashi because Naruto likes him to be more polite that he usually is and he doesn't want to let his cousin down.

Kakashi pauses and Sasuke inwardly shrugs. Whatever is wrong with the man, it isn't his problem.

"Sasuke! Your pants don't fit me!" Naruto hollered down the stairs and Sasuke leans away from the door to look up the stairs at his pantsless cousin. Naruto is a bit smaller than him, he notices this fact easily with Naruto only in a pair of boxers. Actually, he frowns, looking at Naruto closely; Naruto is a lot smaller than him. Naruto's only two months younger than him though.

Oh yes. The Kyuubi. He supposes that it's the demon's fault, or the seal's, that most of the nutrition that Naruto had went to helping power the seal to keep the Kyuubi at bay. Damn the Yondaime. Damn his uncle.

That is always fun to hold over people in his head too, that the Yondaime, the most powerful shinobi in the Hidden Countries, was his uncle; his cousin's father.

"Put a belt on then, Naruto. You know where they are," He'll have to do some different kind of shopping then, and get Naruto some real clothes. Maybe stitch a small uchiwa on the inside to let Naruto know that he's always welcome.

Sometimes he thinks that Naruto doesn't feel as welcome as Sasuke wants him to feel.

Kakashi clears his throat and Sasuke looks back to his sensei. Kakashi seems to be blushing for some reason and shrugs. Again, not his problem.

"Sasuke-kun," Kakashi smiles at him and Sasuke thinks it looks a little forced, "What is Naruto doing here?"

"We were..." Sasuke trails off, catching sight of Naruto coming down the stairs. The blond looks good with an Uchiha shirt on. He smiles. "Naruto," He smiles warmly at his cousin, "You look good."

Naruto does a little spin, showing off the uchiwa-on-blue shirt and tan shorts that he's wearing. "I found these shorts in the back of your closet, they fit me pretty good."

Sasuke doesn't tell him that he out grew that pair over a year ago. His cousin is so small and skinny it's starting to hurt to look at him. He keeps smiling though, because Naruto's family.

"Oh, hey there, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto grins up at their sensei with his ridiculous smile, the one that bunches his cheeks up over the bottom of his eyes, "What's up?"

Kakashi nods to Naruto, "I was just checking up on you guys. You ran off as soon as I dismissed you, I was a little worried."

Naruto giggles and reaches out to Sasuke, brushing a finger over one of the sticky spots on his shirt. Sasuke had wiped the visible splatters off of his shirt, but there were a few darker spots on his shirt where the various creams had once been. Naruto raises his finger to his lips and sucks on it. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"But it tastes sooo good, Sasuke!" Naruto laughs at him. Must have been one of the spots with whipped cream instead of one of the butter spots.

There's a choking noise from Kakashi but neither genin look over to him, not really caring what he thinks.

"Okay, Naruto," Sasuke can't help but reach out and stroke Naruto's neck softly, "I'm going to go get changed too, I feel sticky and I don't like it drying on me. You entertain Kakashi-sensei, okay?"

"Sure," Naruto grins again and pulls Sasuke in close to give his neck a smell and a small kiss to taste him then the blond pushes him towards the stairs to his room, "Go, I'll talk with Kakashi-sensei."

To his surprise, Sasuke's gotten quite used to his cousin scenting and tasting him. He knows that it's because of the Kyuubi in Naruto but he doesn't mind because he's used to lots of family giving a little affection, so having a little family giving lots of affection is okay with him because it amounts to the same thing really.

-

Naruto steps up to the threshold smiling at Kakashi-sensei. It's been so much fun today, being together like this and doing something as normal as baking. It was one of the things Naruto had read about in a book once: a family baking on a rainy day.

It's not precisely rainy today, but the weather is kind of cold, and Naruto thinks that they shouldn't be standing with the door open like this. He motions for their sensei to come inside and then frowns. He doesn't really want to invite Kakashi into the kitchen, what with the way it looks now...

"Erm, Kakashi-sensei, we could go to the living room," he says and Kakashi is staring at him a little funny. Naruto isn't sure why, exactly, because they haven't done anything strange today. Except for the small nips to Sasuke's neck, but that's usually not enough for their sensei to look like this.

"The living room, right..." Kakashi trails off and Naruto kind of runs ahead to close the door to the kitchen. When he looks back, Kakashi is staring at him and the kitchen door and looking confused.

"Is something the matter with the kitchen?" he asks, sounding a little dazed still. Naruto wonders if he should be worried that something is going on, because it's not like their perverted-but-brilliant sensei to act this dazed.

"Err- ah, no, we were just - busy in there and uh, haven't cleaned up yet," he says, and he kind of blushes, because while he's not a neat-freak, he's also not a five year old who doesn't know how to clean up after himself. He's always been rather proud of how clean he kept his apartment despite the bad neighborhood and the generally inhospitable conditions.

Kakashi sounds like he's choking a bit, and he looks like he's swallowed something and it's gone down the wrong way. Naruto frowns worriedly. Something must be going on. There is something he's missing about this...

"Oh-, I see," Kakashi says and Naruto can see his Adam's apple bob through the mask. When he looks up to the one visible eye and it looks to the side, Naruto finally starts to realize what's going on, though it takes several seconds to connect all the dots. The stickiness on Sasuke's shirt. Naruto having to change pants... Kakashi obviously thinks they've been doing something - untoward.

"Yeah, it was very nice even if it got a bit sticky at the end," he says blithely, and has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing at the way Kakashi's hand clenches spastically and his eyelid kind of twitches. Oh, how he wishes he could see more of his sensei's expression - and had a camera with him to eternalize it. "I think Sasuke liked it a lot too..." he continues to muse, "He said he didn't think he would, but in the end he licked it all up." Naruto nods and wonders if the older man is having a heart attack, what with the way he's kind of really tense and his eyes are widening, "Well, everything that splattered on his chin," he amends, since that is the truth. Kakashi looks like he's trying not to swallow his tongue or trying not to faint. Possibly both.

****xxXxx****

Kakashi tries really hard not to choke on his mask, because Naruto and Sasuke...

In the kitchen...

He doesn't want to know. No, seriously, he doesn't want to know. It's okay that they're experimenting with their sexuality even though they're very young, but at least it isn't sex. If they'd had sex then Sasuke wouldn't have been dressed. Maybe... hands?...

No. Don't think about it. This is Sensei's son and Obito's cousin. And they're twelve. They wouldn't have sex this young. It would be a lot more blatant if they'd had sex already.

But he can't help but think of it.

He can't really say anything though, because he'd had sex at their age.

Sasuke comes down then, wearing a new shirt and pair of pants. To his surprise, Sasuke's shirt has an uchiwa as well as a small pale swirl on his shoulder. An Uzumaki swirl.

That's new.

"Sasuke-kun," Kakashi bites his lip and controls himself. He has to ask Sasuke if it was consensual on both sides even though it looked that way when he arrived. "So what happened in the kitchen?"

Sasuke blushes. Blushes! It's bright, it's red, it goes from his collar to his ears.

"Just- experimenting." He looks away and Kakashi feels a little breathless.

Yeah. Okay. Experimenting. Great.

Apparently the goals that Sasuke had last week, when they'd introduced themselves, have changed. Apparently reviving his clan is not as important as Sasuke originally thought it was, now that he's spent some time with Naruto.

And experimented.

Right. So. The reason he'd come by Sasuke's place.

"We have a mission," He tells them, wiping all thoughts of their... activities from his head. He hadn't expected Naruto here either, but that thought gets shuffled to the side with the rest of them.

"Mission?" Naruto perks up and Kakashi grins.

"Yeah. You guys have surprisingly good teamwork and even though we've only been Team Seven for a week, both of you have mastered high level jutsu's." He mostly means Sasuke's experience with Katon jutsu and Naruto's ability to utilize the Kage Bunshin. Not a normal team at all. And if there's any real danger, he can always protect the girl seeing as she's the weakest of them.

"What kind of mission?" Sasuke scowls and Kakashi thinks that it's absolutely adorable how he tries to be intimidating.

"C class. Just a simple escort to Wave and back. The Hokage was ready to push the mission back for a month or so, but our client insisted that he had to leave for Wave immediately."

"Way cool!" Naruto jumps up and tackles Kakashi around the neck with a surprisingly strong hug. Kakashi just shrugs the kid off and shunshins away, not wanting to be around for the ensuing celebration between the suspiciously close genin.

****xxXxx****

Naruto isn't sure why they were escorting the lying bastard. Even he can tell that Tazuna is lying about the mission rank, he could see it as soon as he'd met the man. There won't be 'bandits'. There will be shinobi. And if he can tell that, then surely the old man could tell too, right?

Then again, he is a lot smarter than most people he knows. Maybe not as smart as Hokage-jii-chan, but smarter than Kakashi-sensei.

So the first thing he does when he spots the puddle of water in the middle of the road is poke Sasuke in the shoulder.

"Naruto?" Sasuke asks him in confusion and Naruto rubs the bottom edge of his nose with his thumb, as though clearing a spot of dirt off his face. Sasuke just keeps looking at him and Naruto wonders how, exactly, his cousin got stuck with the title of genius. It shouldn't be that hard too...

Oh. Naruto rolls his eyes after Sasuke reacts belatedly to the signal and glances at Kakashi. Kakashi doesn't seem too worried, so even if the two hiding are chuunin, Kakashi doesn't think that they're that big of a threat.

When the chain bursts out of the water and slices Kakashi to pieces, Naruto doesn't worry. When Sasuke jumps in and flings out a Katon at the Mist-nin, he doesn't worry. When he smells the poison on the blades and sees one flying at the back of Sasuke's head, he doesn't worry.

No, he doesn't worry: he's too busy flinging himself in front of the blade and bashing it to the side so that it doesn't hit Sasuke.

He is not about to allow his cousin to die. If Sasuke dies, he'll be all alone again.

He'll go crazy if that happens.

And he loves Sasuke, so there's no hesitation in his defense of his cousin, no hesitation in taking the blade and the poison himself for Sasuke.

Then Kakashi decides that enough is enough and appears, knocking the Mist-nin out and tying them to a tree.

Sasuke is over to his side in less than an instant.

"Naruto!" He grabs Naruto's hand and holds it up, careful of the edges of the cut skin, "Naruto, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, Sasuke," Naruto assures him. He knows that Sasuke feels the same way about family as he does, so he has to make sure that Sasuke knows that he won't lose Naruto. "It's just a little poison and it'll burn out in less than an hour."

Less than five minutes, but he doesn't want Kakashi or Sakura to know how well he heals. Sakura won't believe him and Kakashi will report it to Hokage-jii-chan. Not that he minds that; it's the _watchers_ that he doesn't trust, the kids his age that act like puppets with their fake smiles and dead eyes.

Sasuke's eyes are wide, "Poison?"

"Little one," Naruto tells him with a chuckle, "Nothing to worry about."

Kakashi is suddenly standing beside him with a kunai in hand, holding it out to him, "You can bleed it out so it'll heal faster," He offers absently.

Kakashi knows about Kyuubi and knows that even if he cuts his whole arm off, it won't kill him. He might be down an arm for a while, but it'll either grow back or heal over before he's able to bleed to death. Naruto doesn't know which one his body will do - grow back or heal over - because he's never lost a limb before. Not even a finger or a toe for that matter.

So he takes the kunai from Kakashi and slices the back of his hand open. Sasuke gags and looks away, but Naruto is used to being hurt so he just reaches into his pouch with extreme calmness and pulls out a roll of bandages. It's only to hold the flesh together for an hour to two until there's nothing left of the wound, not even a scar.

Naruto doesn't scar.

Sasuke takes the bandages from him and carefully pulls his hand into his lap and wraps the no-longer-pristine cloth around his appendage.

With a gentle smile, Naruto leans into Sasuke's warmth and the scent of home, "Thanks, Sasuke."

Sasuke smiles back, a true smile, "No, thank you. I know that you were protecting me."

"I have to," Naruto tells him, "I can't let you die. We have plans." He grins and Sasuke grunts and they both stand, ready to continue on.

Naruto spends the rest of the trip ignoring Sakura, who is almost to fangirly for him to tolerate. She's even more hyper than usual because apparently all she saw was Sasuke during the fight and she saw Sasuke's smile when he'd thanked Naruto for saving him.

Hopefully she'll get over the banshee stage soon enough. If not... well, there was always a possibility of her accidently dying on the mis-classed mission.

Not that he would kill her, or even wants her dead. No, he just won't try as hard as he usually would to save her, that's all.

****xxXxx****

Sasuke scowls at the eight year old as he runs from the room. They've just gotten to Tazuna's house and met his family and he already hates the child.

He thinks that he has it so bad. One dead step father. Bull shit.

He stands from the table abruptly, bows to Tsunami, thanks her for the food and leaves.

Tsunami finds him at the edge of the dock half an hour later.

"Sasuke-kun?" She sits gracefully beside him and he glances up at her before looking back to the setting sun over the water.

It's a beautiful day. And he can't appreciate it because he's angry. And he's worried; he's worried about Naruto. Sure, Sasuke has had it bad, but Naruto has lost everything. Twice. First his parents and a regular life due to the Kyuubi and then the whole of the Uchiha clan but for Sasuke himself to the Traitor.

"Sasuke-kun, what's wrong."

She's so motherly. He can't stand the vibes that he's getting from her because he feels like collapsing into her arms and telling her everything.

"Tsunami-san," He bites his lip, "Inari has had a bit of bad luck, I agree. I know how bad it is to watch a loved one get tortured, watch a loved one get murdered. Naruto does as well."

"You're close to Naruto-kun?" She asks and leans closer to him.

He doesn't even notice as he leans back into her warmth, "Naruto... you can't tell anyone, but Naruto is my cousin. He's family. The only family I have left. My older brother killed over three hundred clan members; the rest of my family. No one knew that Naruto was a part of our family, it's the only reason he's still alive."

Tsunami's arms wrap around him and she hugs him close. "Your older brother did such a thing?" She sounds horrified.

"That's why you can't tell anyone that Naruto's related to me. _That man_ will come back and kill him if he finds out."

"I won't say a word, Sasuke-kun, I promise."

By the time she lets him go and convinces him to come inside to go to bed, the sun has long set under the waves.

"Sasuke-kun, you and Naruto-kun can share this room here," She opens the door and shows them the guest room, "And Sakura-chan," She leads the girl over to another room, "You can stay here."

****xxXxx****

"Are you sure, Sasuke?" Naruto's voice cuts through the dark and Kakashi restrains himself from groaning. Then he realizes that Naruto is whispering instead of yelling and it's not actually as irritating as he'd first thought it was.

"Yes. I mean, she said she didn't mind."

"And... you just... told her?"

"Tsunami-san said she wouldn't say anything to anyone."

Kakashi wonders what it is that Sasuke could have told the woman and made her promise not to say anything. He can't think of any secrets that Sasuke has that he would tell to a civilian.

"But... I mean, Itachi- he's nuke-nin. Even just a hint of a rumor, Sasuke..."

Kakashi's ears sharpen. He's a little shocked as well. He can't believe what he's hearing; he can't believe that Sasuke would tell Naruto about his brother. He knows that they're surprisingly, and shockingly, close but he didn't think they were close enough for Sasuke to impart that to the blond genin.

"Naruto, I couldn't tell her that I _don't_ love you!" Sasuke's still whispering, but Kakashi's not hearing a single word.

Sasuke... loves Naruto.

Sasuke loves... Naruto.

_Uchiha _Sasuke. Uzumaki _Naruto_.

What?

"I love you too, but Sasuke, it's dangerous! I am in no way, shape, or form ready to take on _Itachi_."

Kakashi cracks his grey eye open to see Sasuke pull Naruto into a hug.

His brain breaks a little.

"He'll never know, Naruto. We'll kill him and he'll never have to know that I love you."

Naruto takes over the hug and cuddles Sasuke in tight to his body, stroking his hands up and down the other boy's back. Kakashi is tired, but he's curious too.

And he knows what they say about curiosity and the copy-cat...

Sasuke leans up and kisses the curve of Naruto's jaw, under his ear. Naruto... purrs.

Actually purrs.

"Naruto, will _that man's_ sharingan be able to do something to Kyuubi? I mean, I know that you can access its chakra, right?"

Naruto told Sasuke about _that_?! Kakashi is stunned. _Stunned_.

"I don't know. Nothing's ever happened with the sharingan and the Kyuubi before," Naruto nuzzles Sasuke's hair, "But we shouldn't talk about it anymore. Kakashi-sensei might wake up soon."

Neither one of them are looking at Kakashi so he quickly closes his half open eye and pretends to still be unconscious.

"Alright," Sasuke agrees and Kakashi can hear them doing... something. He's not sure what; but it involves a lot of skin on skin touching. Kakashi knows what skin on skin touching sounds like after all; he's only ever had sex in the dark in order to hide his face.

"Tonight," Naruto tells Sasuke, "When we go to bed."

"Are... will you sleep with me again?" Sasuke sounds almost scared and if Kakashi was stunned before, he's shocked out of his mind at this.

"Of course. Anything you wish, Sasuke."

Sleeping together. His cute little students are... sleeping together.

He can't quite comprehend this little factoid.

"You know," Sasuke sighs lightly, softly, "I wasn't sure that I was ready for... that. Before. But being with you? It helps. I'm not as angry as I was. I think- I think you've let me relax finally. To be myself."

They are _not_ talking about what he thinks their talking about. There is no way.

No possible way.

He would have noticed if they'd had sex. Truly, he would have.

"It was rough, the first time, I know. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You never hurt me, Naruto," Sasuke sighs, "I just didn't really understand, that's all. I mean, I'd never... I hadn't even thought of it before."

"It's easier now though, right?"

"Yes. Yes, it's much easier to sleep with you now."

They leave after Naruto checks Kakashi again but Kakashi's far too busy thinking about the fact that Sasuke is gay. With Naruto. And... apparently the uke.

He doesn't know which one is more of a surprise, the gay or the uke.

****xxXxx****

"Tsunami-san, we thank you for your hospitality, but Sasuke or Naruto really should be staying in my room with me," Kakashi didn't want to offend his employers daughter, but there was no way that he was going to let two romantically involved _children_ stay in the same room. Alone.

He's decided that whatever he'd heard when he'd first woken up must have been taken out of context. He refuses to believe that Naruto and Sasuke have had sex. There was no way that he wouldn't have noticed. They didn't even get involved until after becoming his genin, so he would have seen it immediately, should they have taken it to the next level.

But he hasn't seen anything yet, so that means they haven't had sex yet, which means there is no way that he is about to give them privacy to actually have time to have sex.

"No," Tsunami obviously doesn't understand what he's getting at. "I'm not going to force them to split up." She is a nice woman. A kind woman. A stubborn woman.

"Tsunami-san, they are twelve." He means that they are adventurous and unthinking. He means that they are almost teenagers and have sex drives that would put a rabbit to shame. He doesn't want them together right now, not on their first time out of Konoha.

"Listen, Kakashi-san," Tsunami looks over her shoulder at Kakashi from where she's washing the dishes from their meal, "I don't want to separate them when they've managed to get so close against all the odds of it."

All the odds against it. Like him. He doesn't like it. He's supposed to be their temporary guardian as well as their jounin sensei, he's supposed to be teaching them how to complete missions.

Introduction to Sex on Missions 101 was not a course that he teaches. Anko teaches that one.

Anyway, he shakes his head; he has to convince her to let him move one of the boys into his room so that he can keep an eye on them.

"I don't want the boys to get out of hand," He tells her and she scoffs at him. Actually scoffs. _At him_. That was something he didn't see often; someone scoffing at Sharingan no Kakashi.

"They're teenage boys," She rolls her eyes and goes back to her dishes, "If they haven't gotten out of hand yet, they won't in the next few days that you're here. Besides, I've heard that Naruto-kun moved in with Sasuke-kun just before you took this mission."

That's news to Kakashi. He'd know that Naruto had taken to _visiting _Sasuke regularly, but he hadn't known that they were living together already.

He wonders if them being together is more than just dating. Sure, there had been declarations of love early this morning, but they're twelve.

He seems to keep coming back to that number, twelve. Sometimes he wishes that genin didn't graduate from the Academy until fourteen, or even sixteen, because then they wouldn't be so far from their civilian counterparts in age range for what they were and were not allowed to do.

Genin are allowed to drink alcohol the moment they got their hitai-ite. That meant that his three twelve year olds are legally allowed to go out and get drunk if they so wished.

It is difficult to split hairs as to when the children, the _genin_ could kill, but not have sex, could drink but could not gamble. Gambling was restricted for sixteen year olds and up. Sex was always up in the air. It was more of a personal decision, after graduation, rather than one decided by the Hokage or Council.

Kakashi resists rubbing a hand across his face. He doesn't want to tell Tsunami-san outright why he doesn't want the boys together in the same room for tonight. He feels like telling her would be an invasion to their privacy and he, for one, values privacy.

Not at the cost of lives, but this doesn't really concern someone's life.

Sanity, maybe. Life, no.

****xxXxx****

Sakura growls inwardly, seeing the way Sasuke is leaning carefully on the dobe's shoulder, reading something on a scroll.

She can't understand how that _boy_ managed to turn Sasuke-kun gay, and keep him that way, too. He still hasn't snapped out of it, though it's been several weeks now. She'd been waiting, hoping, praying that he'd break whatever spell the blond had placed him under and come running to her instead.

That hadn't happened, though. Instead they were acting like this, all... _courtingly_ and whenever she tried to draw the dobe away from the Uchiha heir, they glared at her. Both of them.

So now she would make a final attempt, before she'll resign herself to asking Kakashi-sensei how Sasuke-kun ended up falling for someone like Naruto. Maybe he'll know. Surely there must have been some signs of it, things she could have done to prevent this?

She steps out on the porch of the house, breathing in the cool evening air and trying to come up with a good plan to draw Sasuke's attention back to where it belonged - on her.

"Sakura-chan?"

Sakura turns around and sees Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami-san, smiling at her from the threshold. Sakura smiles back, weakly. She rather likes the civilian woman; Tsunami is the kind of woman she could have imagined becoming if she hadn't entered the Academy; demure, kind, and intelligent.

"Are you alright?" she asks and Sakura is tempted to just nod agreeably and continue brooding, but she finds herself shaking her head instead. She hasn't had female company for way too long, and Tsunami-san will surely understand her plight.

"It's Sasuke-kun," Sakura confesses in a low voice, clasping her hands in front of her. Tsunami comes up to her and puts a hand on her shoulder, brow crinkling in concern.

"What about him?"

Sakura's lips tremble slightly and then she sighs. Taking a deep breath she tells the older woman about how close Sasuke-kun and Naruto have become.

"-and now they're courting!" she finishes heatedly when she's run out of air.

"Courting?" Tsunami looks confused and Sakura nods miserably, explaining what it means for a clan member to court someone. The woman nods as the explanation progresses, but she doesn't look at all concerned or worried. She's wearing a little smile, and Sakura can't understand what she would find funny about this situation.

"So the courting is done to formally welcome new members into the family?" she asks and Sakura holds back an inward wince at the blunt way Tsunami-san puts it. She doesn't want to consider the fact that the dobe is going to be married into the Uchiha clan sometime in the future; is going to become a part of the most prestigious clan in Konoha.

Tsunami looks at her thoughtfully and asks, "But you're not happy for them? That they've found each other?" Her tone is neutral, but Sakura can sense the hidden displeasure. She doesn't know if she wants to snap at the woman or shrink into herself. From the expression on Tsunami's face it feels like she's missing some obvious point that the woman can see, while she herself can't.

"Well, in what way is it right? They won't be happy together, they're too different!" she exclaims, nodding sharply. It'd the truth, she knows.

"You don't think they seem to be getting along despite their differences?" Tsunami asks her softly, and Sakura pauses. Well... she supposes that lately, they might... just maybe... yeah.

The older woman continues before she has a chance to respond, still in that soft tone of voice, "Sakura-chan, those two belong together. Can you imagine how lonely they must have been up until now, not knowing that they could have had each other all along?"

Sakura blinks. She runs through that statement several times in her mind, trying to examine it for flaws. She can't find any obvious points to attack though... because if she remembers how Sasuke-kun used to act when they were in the Academy... and compares it to the way he is now...

It's a world of difference. She'd always thought that his never smiling and snapping at everyone in that dark voice of his was so mysterious and romantic... but maybe he never saw it that way. Maybe to him, that wasn't an attitude, but a defense.

She swallows several times, trying to counteract that thought. There is no way she wouldn't have noticed until now if that truly was the case. She'd been watching him so carefully, for so long. And even if it was true, it's not like he would find happiness with Naruto... right?

"They need to have time together, and find out how to maintain these new, intimate relations." Tsunami continues in an even softer voice and a part of Sakura is screaming at her for nodding dazedly. She hadn't expected to be having any paradigm shifts when she stepped out on the porch earlier.

"You think I should leave them alone?" she can't help but ask in a wavering voice. Tsunami pats her on the shoulder, shaking her head, and though Sakura isn't sure why she's suddenly valuing the older woman's advice so highly, but she finds herself feeling very relieved at the negative answer.

"Of course not. I think you have to help them; make sure they're comfortable with each other and with their new situation. Every male relationship needs a woman to watch out for them... besides, it'd not like being 'just friends' with them would leave you out in the cold," she finishes, winking and Sakura finds herself swallowing drily at what the older woman seems to be implying.

Tsunami leaves her there on the porch, immersed in the implications and strangely exciting fantasies.

A new thought awakens in Sakura - somewhere between a few very interesting mental images - and a change starts to blossom deep inside her. She has a new goal... one that makes her blush.

****xxXxx****

Haku feels their chakra before he sees them. Chakra sensing is something he's always been very good at, even before it became a necessary habit to check his surroundings several times every half an hour.

He knows right away who they are, of course. The two boys who was with the Copy ninja, protecting the old bridge builder. Haku remembers the way they had hovered over each other before Hatake cemented his false oinin status. He had wondered what it was like to have such a good friend. Not that he would complain about traveling with Zabuza-sama, of course... sometimes it just got a little lonely.

He's in civilian clothing with only the weapons he can hide within the yukata on him. Senbon are very useful for people who want to disguise their status as shinobi, and Haku is very thankful that his master saw fit to teach him how to use them. Haku had long since gained better proficiency than Zabuza-sama, but he's aware that it's only thanks to his master that he knows how to use them.

He continues on gracefully and it takes a while before he sees a tuft of blond hair stick up from behind the roots of a tree further along the road. He can feel the chakra of the black-haired boy very close to the blonde and thinks that they must be sitting or laying right next to each other. And from the calm feel of their chakra, they're dozing. Haku doesn't take any chances though; he knows that all shinobi are light sleepers.

He walks closer, carefully, and finally catches sight of the dark-haired boy. The blond is sprawled on his stomach over the other boy's - bare - chest, and Haku blinks when he sees the sweat drying on their entwined forms. The black-haired boy has an arm wrapped around the other's back, holding their bodies together.

Haku blushes when he realizes what the situation means. Having lived with a nuke-nin the larger part of his life, he's not a prude by any means, but Zabuza-sama only sleeps with women. And aren't these two a little too young to be... but then again, they are ninja. It's hard to pin-point exactly what a shinobi is 'too young' for.

There is no doubt that these two are involved in more than the physical aspect, either. Their expressions are just too peaceful and content for that.

He doesn't really want to disturb them, honestly. Not when they look like that. Not when any day now, they're going to battle him and Zabuza-sama for the bridge builder's life - and die. Haku doesn't like killing, and his master has told him more than once that he's too soft for the shinobi life. Haku agrees with him; if he was a proper shinobi he wouldn't contemplate waking them up or leaving them be.

He would ponder how to best kill them.

But he doesn't. Instead, he hunches down a few paces away, watching their even breaths and the way they sort of curl around each other with every movement. Haku isn't at all attracted to men, but there is something in the two boys that tugs at his heart - if not his loins - just a little. He doesn't examine the presence of that feeling though, or the feeling itself, since he wouldn't want to encourage any more un-shinobi like behavior.

But the feeling remains with him for hours after he has passed the sleeping couple, and with a very heavy heart he wonders what he'll do at the coming battle.

****xxXxx****

Haku watches sadly as the smaller of the boys, Naruto-kun, screams in absolute rage and turns to him.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Naruto growls low and feral at the faux nuke-nin and Haku feels a shiver go down his spine.

Naruto's eyes are red on red on red. There are three spinning red tomoe circling red slitted pupils on red/orange scleras.

Naruto is scaring him. Really scaring him. Zabuza-sama has always been named the Demon of the Mist, but this boy, this genin -_how could he possibly be a genin with such power?_ - is a demon. A real demon.

Is this what a true love's death can do to a person? This feral rage, spiraling with so much killing intent it's almost choking him; could it possibly have been born out of that feeling? Haku doesn't know, and he's too frightened to ponder it further.

The boy comes at him on all fours like an animal, jaws filled with too-sharp teeth and inhuman fangs and the rage is taking form, spiraling around the boy and settling into - something - above him. The ice dome cracks like badly made glass, and the bits melt too quickly to have the chance to touch the ground.

Haku only barely sees the fist heading for his mask-covered face and he knows he won't be able to dodge it. So he doesn't even try to. He never wanted to induce something like this in another person, and if this is his fault - and there is very little doubt that it is so - then he probably deserves whatever this vengeful angel or monster wishes to do to him.

He only hopes Zabuza-sama will be able to escape it; that he'll have finished the Copy Cat and gotten away. Because knowing that he'd given up too early and his master might lose his life because of it would be so painful he doubts even death could erase that pain.

When the fist smashes him backwards through one of the last standing mirror, it's too quick for Haku to feel much. He doesn't even bother to try and land properly, but allows his body to fall as it may. He feels his arm crackles as he hits the ground and when his head slams down on the concrete, his vision blacks out for several seconds.

He stands up slowly, absently amazed that the oinin mask is still sticking to his face, despite being in pieces. It only holds for a few moments though, and splits in two pieces, falling down to the ground with a clatter.

He sees the boy approach, the horrible red chakra - and even more horrifyingly red eyes pinning him to where he is. Haku smiles, looking at the paralyzed boy to the side. He knows he's failed as a weapon, that he's lost his use to Zabuza-sama by being taken down so easily by this terrifying being... but as he imagines the future the two boys will have together, that feeling from before blooms in his chest.

He still can't identify it properly, but it doesn't matter. It's a good feeling, and knowing that is enough.

"Why?! Why did you do that to _my_ Sasuke?!" the blond shouts and Haku focuses his eyes, realizing that the red chakra is gone and that no fist - or kunai - has hit him. He looks down at the fuming blond and immediately realizes why he isn't dead yet. There is more pain and sorrow in those, now blue, eyes than there is rage.

"We are shinobi, genin-san," Haku answers softly, and there is no need for elaborations. Haku clears his throat quietly and licks his lips, looking at the black-haired boy on the ground a few meters away.

"For what it's worth, though, I am sorry for your loss," he says and realizes the absurdness even though his apology is genuine. He's just killed this boy's lover, and apologies won't help anything. It doesn't absolve any of his guilt, or any of this boy's hurt... until he finds out the truth, anyway. The thought almost makes him smile, but as he doesn't want it to appear as though he's mocking the blond's pain, he keeps the smile inside.

"I loved him!" the boy shouts, voice crackling with desperate pain and Haku nods. He's strangely not surprised that this genin would so willingly confess his feelings. The boy takes several deep breaths, staring at him with wild eyes and then his expression calms.

Haku knows intimately the calmness of a shinobi going for the kill, and he sends a thought to his deceased, hateful parents and a prayer to his master. This is as far as he will go, it seems.

Suddenly there is a kunai in his line of vision, harsh metal against his throat and the taste of blood on his tongue. The last thing Haku hears before he succumbs to Death's open embrace is the sound of a thousand raging birds.

****xxXxx****

Naruto leaves the kunai stuck in the fake oinin's throat and staggers back to Sasuke.

His only family. Sasuke.

Sasuke's dead.

His mind is almost completely blank and can't see anything but Sasuke's body, can't hear anything but his own whimpers, can't feel anything but Sasuke's clammy skin under his fingers.

He cuddles Sasuke's body to his chest, ignoring the senbon that are sliding into his skin, connecting him to Sasuke because they're still in him too.

There are tears on his face and he's begging now, begging Sasuke to wake up because he can't live without Sasuke there, beside him. Not anymore, not after confessing to him, after coming to know him.

He buries his face in Sasuke's neck, trying to scent him, trying to keep the fading smell of family. Sobs rip out of his chest harshly and his hands are stroking Sasuke's sides, back, head.

"Why won't you wake up?" He whispers, denial clouding his mind, "Sasuke, you have to wake up. You can't leave me alone; please, I love you; don't leave me, you can't leave me; not now, not ever..."

A hand touches his shoulder and Naruto doesn't look up. He can't. He can't look away from his cousin, his family. Someone took Sasuke away from him and he has to hold the watch until they can burn his body.

The thought of destroying Sasuke's body pains him so deeply that he sobs again. It is Uchiha tradition to burn their dead but Naruto doesn't want to lose Sasuke, don't want him to be dust and ash.

"..uto. Naruto," Kakashi grabs his chin gently and turns his head from Sasuke with calm pressure. Naruto can barely see him through his tears, "Naruto, I can help, you have to let me take Sasuke..."

"No!" Naruto tightens his hold on Sasuke's body, "No, you can't have him!" He's desperate. He won't let anyone take Sasuke from him!

"Naruto, calm down," Kakashi is too calm. Why is he so calm! He shouldn't be calm, he should be angry! He should be sad! "Naruto, Sasuke isn't dead."

Those words pierce him like a stiletto to the heart and Naruto snarls, "Don't joke about Sasuke! I've just lost the only... I've just lost my... My... My Sasuke..." Naruto starts to sob again, his words stuttering and his breathing interfering with his ability to speak.

"Naruto, I'm going to take the senbon out of Sasuke, alright?" Kakashi doesn't try to take Sasuke from his arms, so Naruto lets his sensei pull the offending weapons from his precious family's body.

One. Two. Five. Eight.

Senbon tinkle like pins as they hit the hard ground and Naruto watches, his desperation not fading, but being pushed back as the realization that he's alone again, and forever, comes up hard in his mind.

And then Sasuke breathes.

And he isn't alone anymore.

The sobs of pain and fear and turn to relief and joy and he squeeze Sasuke to his body with as much strength as he thinks Sasuke can handle.

Sasuke's arms come up around his neck and he can feel the fatigue that Sasuke has through his muscles. But he really doesn't care how tired his cousin is because Sasuke is alive. Tiredness can be cured, death can't.

When they've made it back to Tazuna and Tsunami's house, Naruto takes Sasuke back to their room and strips him down, puts him in bed and tucks him in. He's going to stay with Sasuke to keep the watch; this time to make sure that no more harm comes to his family during this gods awful mission.

****xxXxx****

Sasuke rolls his head to the side to see him and Naruto smiles at him. Sakura is jealous because Sasuke was actually _looking_ for the dobe. She finds herself still wanting Sasuke, still wanting to be his girlfriend so she can stick her tongue out at all the other girls and tell them that she's obviously better than them because Sasuke loves her best.

But Sasuke doesn't love her. She can see that in how he looks at Naruto.

The looks that pass between them are so... heated that Sakura feels a little faint. Perhaps Tsunami wasn't wrong about them being together...

"Naruto, please," Sasuke speaks in a low voice that Sakura can barely hear. She wonders what he's asking, but she doesn't dare get any closer than she already is. Hiding outside the window and listening in on their private conversations isn't exactly lady-like.

"Sasuke, I can't. Not while Itachi is still out there."

"But," Sasuke licks his lips, "When I kill him, when you're out of danger from him, please, please, will you take my name?"

The dobe sighs and nods and Sakura feels her heart race. This can't be happening. There is no way in hell that this is actually happening.

"I can't see a reason why I wouldn't," Naruto grins at the love of Sakura's life, "Once Itachi is dead, I'll take the Uchiha name."

Her heart breaks as she watches Sasuke as he reaches out and pulls the dobe, pulls Naruto into his arms and kisses his cheek and buries his face in the blond's neck.

Sasuke asked Naruto to _marry_ him. And Naruto said _yes_.

"I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you, Sasuke," Naruto tells Sasuke and Sakura is pretty sure that no matter what she does from now on, she'll never have Sasuke to herself. "When you... When I thought that you'd died..."

"I'm sorry," Sasuke mutters and Naruto strokes his messy hair.

Sakura can feel shivers go up and down her spine. When she'd seen Sasuke fall and Naruto go crazy because they had thought Sasuke dead, she'd never been more scared in her life.

She knows for sure that Naruto loves Sasuke above and beyond anything she can think of. She also feels a little ashamed that all she did was cry when Sasuke had been 'dead'. Naruto had erupted in rage and _killed_ Sasuke's murderer; had hit the other boy so hard that she'd heard his arm break and she'd been more terrified of Naruto when he'd cut the boy's neck than sad that Sasuke was dead.

"You don't need to apologize. Just... get better, yeah?" Naruto nuzzles Sasuke's neck and Sakura can't watch anymore, so she slinks off.

She won't tell anyone that they're engaged either. But not because it'll put Naruto in danger; she won't tell anyone because she doesn't want anyone to know that she lost Sasuke to the dobe, the dead last, the moronic idiot of the class.

She lost Sasuke to Naruto.

*****xxXXxx*****


	4. Engagement

**Title:** Chapter Three: _Engagement_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** M

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** Another chapter. Lots of words. Hope you like it!

**Summary: **Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. AU. WIP. Misunderstandings galore.

*****xxXXxx*****

Sasuke watches Naruto stare at the photos in the second largest albums with familiar red eyes. For the first time in a long while, he feels content and at ease.

The mission to Wave had only solidified to both of them how much they mean to each other. His fake death and Sasuke waking up only to see Naruto completely devastated had convinced him in a manner no other action could have.

When Naruto had first dragged him off to talk to him, Sasuke had been prepared to beat who he had thought was a dobe for some stupid prank about the one thing nobody was allowed to joke about.

But that hadn't been it at all. Instead, Naruto had told him that he wasn't completely alone anymore. He'd never been alone, really, because Naruto had always been watching over him... Like a brother. That thought mutes many things that used to hurt him. Memories of Ita- _that man_, and what he'd turned out to be. Usually, just the thought of Itachi would make his mood drop significantly, but this time it just causes a fissure of anger to blow across his thoughts, only to fade away within half a minute.

It feels good; strangely good, to lose his ever present anger for an emotion like this. He'd never thought he'd ever feel this calm again. Or at least not before he'd avenged his family. Or rather, he thinks as he watches Naruto turn the page with a soft smile on his lips, the family Itachi had managed to kill. It was a small revenge in and of itself that Naruto was unharmed and alive and more of a genius than Itachi, apparently.

Though it was also worrying. What would they do if Itachi ever found out about Naruto? About who he was?

Sasuke asks the questions out loud and Naruto turns to him with serious eyes. So different from the persona Naruto had shown to the outside world for so long. That persona couldn't look serious for a minute, even if he tried. This one though, the true Naruto, was a mixture of seriousness and mischievousness and shared pain. He knew what Sasuke had gone through, had seen his pain and tried to help, even if Sasuke hadn't realized who he was.

Naruto reaches out and puts a hand on Sasuke's wrist; a touch he would have hated from anyone but his family. But Naruto is his family, so it feels alright. More than alright; it feels like home. Like how Naruto had said he smelled.

"Nobody else can know, Sasuke," Naruto reiterates and though he looks a little pained at the admittance, he still smiles. That brave smile has a hint of fang, a nod to the demon inside him. That should probably scare Sasuke, but it's just reassuring, really. Naruto has been so strong for so long that he feels like he can trust him. He knows better than anyone in the world what it means to have inner demons and he forges on anyway. A short while ago, he would have thought that foolish. But tonight, in the kitchen where his mother used to welcome him with a smile every day, it feels like strength. Like being an Uchiha, forging on through the flames no matter what, fanning your own strength with harshness.

"I won't say anything," Sasuke swears again, both out loud and in his heart. This time he'll listen. It had been a mistake to tell Tsunami because the fake oinin had gone after them together and split them apart because he knew they were too close for just friends. He'd seen the damage that Naruto had done to the fake oinin on the Wave mission too, but he knows that the oinin hadn't been anywhere near the class that _that man_ is in.

They've been sitting like this for a while now and Sasuke feels like he needs to stretch a little, but he doesn't want to break the solemnity of the moment. He ignores his screaming back muscles and looks into his cousin's spinning sharingan eyes. It's good to be home.

****xxXxx****

Naruto and Sasuke walk towards the training field at a leisurely pace, and Naruto knows something is wrong with Sasuke. Neither of the two had gotten much sleep the night before, having wanted to spend it talking about the past and all the things they'd missed in each other's lives. There were so many little anecdotes about family life that Naruto just gobbled up like a starving man. He wanted to know everything, wanted to be able to picture the things Sasuke spoke of in detail.

Sasuke had brought out the photo albums, and Naruto had copied them with his sharingan. There had been several pictures of his mother, and even one with both his parents at some official function. They'd sat leaned over the albums well into the early hours of the morning, but thanks to Kyuubi, Naruto had no problem with stiff muscles and such. At least the stupid fox was good for something.

Naruto almost stops when that thought makes him realize just what is wrong with his cousin. He waits until they've almost gotten to the tent before he turns to Sasuke.

"Sasuke, did you bring that oil I gave you this morning?" he asks, eyeing the other Uchiha's back carefully, though he isn't really expecting to see anything through the shirt.

Sasuke frowns in confusion at the question, but nods anyway, patting the shinobi pack around his leg lightly. Typical of his neat-freak cousin to have already packed it down, Naruto thinks fondly; he knows that he himself would likely have forgotten it unless he made an obvious effort to remember.

They walk towards the tent, and Naruto is relieved to see that pinkie fangirl isn't here yet. God, but that girl is annoying! And it's so hard to try to resist punching her when she insults him - or his fake persona, as it were. He hadn't realized that she'd be on their team as well, or he would probably have done something to have her transferred to another. Just changed her scores with the one below her; he knows that she and Hyuga Hinata were only a few points apart apart. And the Hyuga heir is both a lot more tolerable than pinkie, and much more likely to take her kunoichi career seriously.

Shaking off the now irrelevant thoughts, he gestures for Sasuke to stretch out his tired and knotting muscles so he can sleep easier tonight. When his cousin is done, he pulls Sasuke into the tent gently. He doesn't want his cousin to be in pain if he can help it.

"Give me the oil and remove your shirt," he says and spreads out the sleeping bags on top of each other, motioning for Sasuke to lie down. The other Uchiha watches him in confusion for a few seconds, but when he reaches up to rub at an apparently still stiff shoulder, the realization seems to dawn on him and he nods.

When Sasuke has lain down on his stomach, Naruto straddles him. He's careful to lean only on his knees, and not actually sit on the other boy. Just by looking, he can tell how tense and bunched the back muscles are, and he almost smacks himself for not having realized that this would be the consequence for any normal person sitting in one - uncomfortable - pose for several hours.

He warms the oil with a little chakra, thankful that it doesn't take much control and then drips the warm oil on Sasuke's back. The other boy shivers a little and Naruto chuckles, before coating his hands with another layer of chakra. He's very good at giving massages, he knows, because that was one of the first things he learned from the Academy library. The medical section only had the basics, of course, but with a little experimenting on himself, he'd perfected the technique as much as he was able to without further instructions.

He pushes the heel of his right palm to Sasuke spine, and drags it downwards, listening to the small snaps that follows in his wake. Sasuke moans quietly, and Naruto smirks. Oh, now he almost regrets that Pinkie isn't here yet...

He continues massaging, applying pressure where it's needed and asking Sasuke where it feels good, and how much pressure his cousin wants him to use. Suddenly, he hears footsteps outside, and he immediately recognizes Sakura's chakra approaching the tent.

Naruto smirks as Sasuke let out a loud moan and the presence outside pauses. _Let the games begin_.

****xxXxx****

Sakura pauses in front of the tent, unsurely. She had spent the last week tossing and turning in her bed at night instead of sleeping, trying to somehow come to terms with the fact that the beautiful Sasuke had asked Naruto, of all people, to marry him. It wasn't unusual for clan members to engage early, but she had never expected it to be with Naruto - hadn't expected it to be with another _boy_!

But then, he might just be confused. He probably just didn't know what real girls had to offer him, with people like Ino-pig and Ami running around and giving girls a bad name. She nods to herself, decisively. Yes, surely, that must be it.

She'd decided to get to the training ground earlier than needed, because Kakashi-sensei had said they needed to learn how to assemble and reassemble the things they were expected to carry with them on the next mission. Apparently they also needed to do a trial run of a mission (since the last one didn't work out so well), so they're supposed to be spending the night out on the training grounds in the tents that they put up. And they had all had trouble setting up the tents he'd handed them yesterday, since they were completely different from the ones they'd practiced on in the Academy. Honestly, why did the teacher's want them to practice with tents they'd apparently never use in real life?

A tent had already been set up, and she immediately recognizes it even in the fading light as Sasuke's, since it's a bit bluer than hers is. Naruto's was more yellowish in hue than both of theirs, and she supposes that it's for some practical reason Kakashi-sensei just hadn't bothered to tell them yesterday.

Either way, she'd decided that she should keep Sasuke company (maybe one last-ditch effort to convince him that Naruto was bad for him) and feel him out - oh, not that way, of course, she was a proper young lady, not a slut! - and had started marching up to the tent when she heard it. A soft noise, like a meow.

At first she thinks that maybe Sasuke has a cat with him in the tent - and isn't that just adorable? - but then the meowing noises came again, and her brain blinks when it recognizes the soft sound as human in origin.

She steps a little closer, leaning her head in to listen, and then the soft noise is repeated, louder - almost a moan. Her brain blinks again, quicker, trying to connect the dots and failing. When the noise repeats yet again, becoming an outright groan, she blushes in horrified suspicion.

"Ngh-! Naruto..." Sasuke's voice murmurs, sounding a little muffled through the tent, but still both audible and recognizable. Oh god.

"You like this?" Naruto's voice asks, almost purring in apparent amusement, and Sakura blushes harder. This - this couldn't be! There was no way-!

"Nnngrh, yes. _Harder_." Sasuke groans, and Sakura feels herself sway as she tries to take in what's happening and still somehow, keep her illusions. They're twelve, for God's sake! They couldn't be having - they - there was no way-!

Despite herself, Sakura feels just a little interested in the sounds, but being a proper young lady, she knows she shouldn't be standing here and listening to this. But then, Naruto shouldn't be _doing_ _this_ to her Sasuke-kun... and then the beautiful prince in question lets out a particularly loud groan with Naruto's name on his lips, and Sakura blinks and commits herself to the only viable option: she faints on the spot.

****xxXxx****

Kakashi is on his way to see his cute little team at the training ground by the bridge, and for once he is only about half an hour late so it's around six thirty at night. He's sure they're going to be very grateful for his thoughtfulness, since he'd missed out on rereading that one - especially delicious - chapter of Icha Icha to meet them on time. He's pondering the merits of educating them a little in the ways of adults, if only to see them blush innocently, when he nears the training ground, landing lightly on the rail of the bridge.

The first thing he sees is the tent. Sasuke's tent, to be exact. He isn't too surprised to see it up, since the last Uchiha was stubbornly obsessive about his training. He is happy that the boy had managed to actually assemble the tent as well, since they were entirely differently structured from the ones in the Academy. Why that was, Kakashi has no idea. Maybe he isn't the only one who enjoys the genin's frustrations at trying to adapt to new things.

The next thing he notices is the pink head of his only female student, leaning forwards to observe the tent and probably thinking of the aforementioned Uchiha. That could make a good storyline for Icha Icha in a few years, he muses and jumps up to the tree closer to the open field. He wants to see what they'll do, and if they'll manage a little team-bonding (which he doubts) or at least chase away some of his boredom at the prospects he's now facing as a jounin-sensei; endless repetitions about things that would go in one ear and out the other until his team gets more (probably painful) experience about what it meant to be shinobi and starts listening to him (Wave comes to mind, but Sakura didn't really learn anything then). And after that, there'll be more D-rank missions...

Kakashi only resists yawning because a particularly colorful sentence in the little orange book catches his eye. With one eye and most of his mind, he reads about Taka's exploits with two humble, but well-endowed, nurses, and with one - smaller - part of his mind, he keeps track of Sakura's movements as she approaches the tent. He remembers a scene like that from the previous Icha Icha volume... The fair maiden had gathered her courage to enter the lord's tent to warm him. And had gotten very warm indeed. Hm. Perhaps he could read a few lines from that chapter to his students... they had just entered puberty, and would probably find themselves reluctantly interested, despite themselves. Ah, youth.

Then, to his surprise, his cute little female student's mouth drops open in shock and she faints, collapsing on the ground. Knowing there are no threats near, he channels a little chakra to his ears to hear what she could hear.

"Nmg. Naruto, your hands..." Sasuke moans and Kakashi sits up straight, stunned. He needs less than a second to understand _that_ tone of voice.

"Sasuke, are you sure that you don't mind this?" Naruto gasps, sounding breathless, "I don't what to hurt you."

"No, keep... oh god... keep going!"

"Yeah, okay." Naruto pauses. There is a shuffle of material that Kakashi assumes is the sleeping bags. "Here, how about right... here?"

"Oh god! Yes, Naruto. Right there, again-"

Kakashi stops the chakra going to his ears. He doesn't really feel a need to hear his two twelve year old, _male_ students have sex.

On the training field.

While Sakura is passed out next to their tent.

And he'd been so sure that he'd misunderstood their conversation in Tsunami's house while they'd thought he was unconscious - though hearing that they'd gotten engaged in Wave had shocked him, at least it wasn't sex.

Shit. He'd have to get her away from there. He can imagine the embarrassment the boys would feel in the morning if they knew that someone had heard them.

He uses the shunshin to get to Sakura, picks her up and then vanishes to the other side of the training ground. He gently lays the girl on the ground. Her tent is over by the boys' tent, so Kakashi flicks his own tent open in seconds and shoves her inside. At least she'll be out of the weather. It looks like it's going to drizzle over the course of the night.

Kakashi scowls. He does not want to be out in the bad weather all night, but he's not about to go and grab her tent. He doesn't want to... interrupt.

He supposes that he'd have to talk to the boys in the morning. Courting? Fine. Engaged? Fine. Having sex? Not on missions. Also? Not this young.

But they could hurt themselves or each other if he startles them while they're... yeah, no. He'd leave it until morning. And then give them the talk.

Oh gods. Kakashi palms his face. The _talk_. The _gay_ talk. To _twelve year olds_.

Absently he wonders if they're using lube. Then again, given how much Sasuke sounded like he was enjoying himself, they probably were. They aren't stupid, after all.

The next morning, Kakashi situates Sakura at the fire to watch over the water that he's started to boil for his coffee and waits for the boys to crawl out of Sasuke's tent. It doesn't take long for them to shuffle out of the tent and he is a bit surprised. Most teenage boys like to sleep in; especially after various activities.

He watches them closely. Sasuke straightens his shirt and frowns. Naruto touches his shoulder and the Uchiha smiles brightly. Naruto whispers something to Sasuke and Sasuke blushes, but keeps smiling. The Uchiha leans over and kisses Naruto's cheek and Naruto grins brightly.

"Thank you," Sasuke says in a slightly louder tone and Naruto hugs him.

Kakashi wonders why Sasuke is thanking the blond. Then he thinks he doesn't want to know.

Kakashi draws them away from where Sakura is watching the coffee water boiling, rocking herself back and forth and muttering, eyes squeezed shut, refusing to look at anyone.

"Now, boys," He clears his throat when they're far enough away, "I heard what you were doing last night," He starts and both of them just look up at him curiously. He struggles for a moment not to flinch because they're orphans. Obviously they haven't been told that what they did was supposed to be for adults only, not children. "Naruto, Sasuke, you..."

How the hell is he supposed to say this without embarrassing himself or them? It's impossible.

"Sensei?" Naruto blinks innocently at him, "What are you talking about? We didn't do anything wrong... did we?" He seems confused and scared that he's disappointed his teacher and Kakashi wants to reassure him that he's not disappointed.

Disturbed, yes; disappointed, no.

He gives them a pained smile, "Did you at least use some kind of... oil?" He sure as hell isn't going to say 'lube' to a couple of twelve year olds. This is awkward enough as it is.

Sasuke shrugs, "Naruto asked me to pack some massage oil. It was kind of tingly, but not bad."

Kakashi blanches.

That isn't what he was expecting. And seriously, shouldn't the Uchiha have been the seme?

"I see... But Naruto, you could have really hurt Sasuke last night. Did you stretch or prepare him in any manner? I mean, it can be very rough even with oil-" He pauses, "Um, was that your first time?"

Maybe they'd had some practice. He hopes so because now he's worried that they'll run out of 'massage oil' on a mission and try having sex without it and Sasuke will get hurt (they seem to be the type to have sex on a mission whether they're allowed to or not). He really, _really_, doesn't want to have to heal that kind of injury.

Sasuke frowned and raised an eyebrow, "Kakashi," Naruto pokes him in the shoulder and he rolls his eyes, "-_Sensei_, I stretched before Naruto started. I don't need Naruto to help me." Then he pauses, "I wouldn't mind though, if he helped."

Kakashi is going to go to an Yamanaka and get his mind wiped, is what he's going to do. He did not need to know that Sasuke did that himself.

...Sasuke must have been eager.

Right. Mind wipe; as soon as he's back in the village.

"And I've done it lots!" Naruto exclaims, a little indignant, "I know what I'm doing, Kakashi-sensei."

Mind wipe_._

"I... see. Okay, since Naruto, um, seems to know what he's doing, I guess I don't really have to give you guys the talk... Um, just, if you have any problems, or... injuries? I suppose you're both alone, so you... can come to me, if you need to." Kakashi is killing himself for offering, but Naruto is Minato's kid and he isn't about to let him try to deal with problems by himself when he could help.

Even if it's with... sexual mishaps.

Gods.

_Mind wipe._

****xxXxx****

Sakura throws herself in Ino's arms and Ino is stunned. It's been years since they were this close, but since this is apparently some kind of emergency she just hugs her rival and makes soothing noises. She tries to make out the words her friend is mumbling into her shoulder.

"Tent! Sasuke-kun- last night- Sas- Sasuke-kun- Naruto- _sex_!" she sobs and Ino is stunned. Then she blanches. Her brain tries to catch up to Sakura's hysterical mewling noises and make sense of the words. It doesn't work, and her brain kind of shuts down in the middle of a mental image.

She drags Sakura along behind her to where her father and his old genin team are gathered around the table in the kitchen. Shikamaru and Chouji sit around Shikamaru's shogi table, but none of them look up when she and Sakura enters the room. Until Sakura sobs again, clinging to Ino's newly bought - and highly fashionable shirt - and probably getting snot all over it...

"Ino?" her father sounds alarmed, and Ino realizes that she must look even worse than she feels for her father to look at her like that. He scans the surrounding area in that way most jounin she knows do when looking for threats and then beckons them forward when he doesn't find any.

She pulls Sakura along and then forces her down in the chair next to her own, before she sits down herself and tries to catch her breath. Sasuke is having sex with Naruto. In a tent, apparently. It's not even one of the girls that are a part of the posse that she could totally intimidate into staying away from her Sasuke-kun, but the dead last. A boy.

"Ino-chan?" Uncle Chouza asks gently, and he looks worried as well. "Did something happen?" His eyes flick to where Sakura is trying to beat herself to death by repeatedly slamming her forehead down on the table and mumbling incoherently. Ino starts to giggle and then laugh and suddenly she's sobbing too, trying not to cry outright.

"Ino?" Shikamaru's voice is right next to her, sounding a little less bored than usually. "This is bound to be troublesome, but what's going on?"

She looks up at him with wide eyes. He's looking at her surprisingly intently, almost frowning, and Ino would normally have felt a little triumphant to have gotten that eternally bored expression off his face. As it is though, she's too dazed to feel much about it. The corner of her mouth hitches up a little and Shikamaru suddenly looks wary.

"Forehead here was just training with her team," she says, and doesn't even revel in the attention she receives. Everyone is looking at her, but she's just seeing all these scenes in her head- "And she saw Sasuke-"

Sakura suddenly starts to sobs louder and then shouts, "NO! I JUST _HEARD_ HIM!" she flings herself out of her slumped pose and starts waving her arms around. "All moaning and begging and oh god-" she sways in the chair and all the adults stare at her with open alarm. Her father has even started to rise from the chair, before the meaning of the words start to sink in. Shikamaru sighs.

"So this is about the Uchiha, again. Whatever." He rolls his eyes.

"Yes," Ino says, for once not caring about his disregarding Sasuke. She's still in too much shock for that. "She heard him having sex."

Everyone seems to blinks in surprise at _exactly _the same time, though she's sure she'd just imagined it.

Then Chouji pipes up incredulously from behind Shikamaru, "Se-se-x?" He's blushing so much his spirals are hardly visible. Still, he continues, "But he's our age!"

Her father is trading glances with Uncle Shikaku, and they're both frowning. Shikaku glances at Sakura and asks quietly, "With who, exactly?"

Oh, she'll give them something to frown about, "With Naruto. In a tent." Absently, she hears Chouji sputter and she sees her father's eyebrows rise almost to his hairline. Even Shikamaru looks stunned.

"_Uchiha Sasuke_ is having _sex_ with _Naruto_?" He asks flatly and Ino nods faintly.

Ino nods again and then repeats, "In a tent." And it just feels like the whole world has been turned upside down when she repeats it. The Prince is having sex with the Pauper... in a tent. A tent. The words swirl around in her head, growing tall and neon-colored and winking at her tauntingly.

"Are you sure about this?" Her father asks, directing his question towards Sakura, who's started to compose herself and is rubbing at her eyes with her sleeve. Both Shikamaru and Chouji look to be in shock as well, with Chouji more on the blushing side and Shika looking more plainly stunned. She so wishes she could feel gratified at the expression on his face, but she's too busy trying to pound the neon-colored letters in to pulp to take any pleasure in it.

Sakura nods miserably, though Ino can see that she's blushing. It clashes terribly with her hair, she notes absently. Sakura swallows several times in a row and braids her fingers together, trying to seem more in control than she is and failing badly. Ino puts her hand on top of Sakura's arm, feeling and sympathizing with her misery. This is no longer the time for rivalry, apparently. Since Sasuke-kun is gay. And having sex with _Naruto_. In a _tent_.

She blinks quickly at the new mental images that pops up and tries not to blush. Her skin isn't at all suited for blushing; especially since it's never a solid color that stain her cheeks endearingly red, but a more brick red and splotchy one. It's not at all good for her complexion.

"Yes, I'm sure. I heard-" her blush intensifies and she stammers a little over the next word and then presses her fingers to her lips. "Yes," she repeats when she's calmed down. Ino kind of can't help but wonder what exactly Sakura had heard, though...

"And there is no way you could be, ah, _mistaken_?" her father asks delicately and Sakura shakes her head sharply. Ino sees Uncle Shikaku and Uncle Chouza trade glances and wonders why they look worried. Well, besides the obvious; Uchiha Sasuke should not be having sex with Uzumaki Naruto.

Sakura sits up straighter and continues, "Sasuke asked Naruto to- to marry him last week when we were in Wave. But not until someone named 'Itachi' is no longer a threat."

There is such utter silence that Ino suddenly understands what they mean by 'hearing a pin drop'. Shikamaru has flopped down on the chair next to Ino's, and he doesn't even have the slightest trace of boredom on his face. His mouth is slightly open and his hands are moving towards that symbol he uses when he has to think, though he looks like thinking might be beyond him at the moment. That's probably a first.

"They're _engaged_?" Chouji gapes, sounding like he's choking on his own spit. Ino doesn't blame him one bit. She now also understands that 'tearing your hair out' might not be such an inaccurate saying. That's kind of what she feels like doing right now.

Ino's father looks up suddenly, with a very serious expression on his face. Ino feels a little wary, because the last time her father had that expression they had had the most awkward Conversation...

"Hrm. Uchiha Sasuke is, as you know, the clan heir," he begins flatly, looking intently at all the children in the kitchen, though for some reason focusing more on her and Sakura. "As the clan heir, and the only remaining member of his family, his being engaged this early is understandable, if very unusual."

Ino feels a headache coming on and looks on in horror as her father put on his stern 'I'm a parent, hear me roar' face. She wonders if she's the only one who can feel the impending doom upon them and prepares herself to run, should things become too... bad.

"That said, you are still under the current clan head rules, and should not be copying this behavior-" Ino blanches, only now realizing what her father is getting at. Despite that, she has to wonder: does her father really think she would pick up some random boy and go have sex - in a _tent _- because the love of her life has been ensnared by the dead last? That's a little insulting, honestly. Or wait, does her father mean that he thinks she'll suddenly go and nab up a girl and have lesbian sex (in a tent)?

This was not the kind of reaction she expected from her father, and Ino slowly starts to inch out of the kitchen when her father breaks off in his litany of 'don'ts' and 'shouldn'ts' to gather himself. She's not surprised to hear Forehead's footsteps right behind her. They need to have a Girl Talk about this. And maybe go tell the other's - like Hinata, about this development. They deserve to know, especially since Hinata has been in love with Naruto for almost as long as she and Sakura have been in love with Sasuke. Not that there is anything comparable between the two situations, of course. Honestly, how did someone as refined as Hinata fall for someone like Naruto?

She drags Sakura up the stairs to their room and closes the door behind them. Then she collects _all _the low calorie snacks she has stashed away for serious Girl Talks like this one. She knows this Girl Talk will be very, very long.

****xxXXxx****

"Here, like this," Naruto says and shows him the exact movement once more, in slow motion. Sasuke feels more than frustrated that he still hasn't managed to do the whole kata series without a hitch, despite Naruto having shown him the sequence several times. It's a little humiliating, even if he doesn't feel the need to be the perfect genius Uchiha heir in front of Naruto. And Naruto doesn't seem to expect that from him either, which helps a lot.

When he finally does get it, he immediately proposes a spar, and Naruto agrees. There is no point learning the whole thing if he can't practice the katas in a real situation and not just as a series of moves, so they get into to it right away, with Naruto correcting his stance every now and then. Sasuke knows that Naruto is pulling his punches, and it's more than frustrating that he's not good enough to challenge his cousin even in a spar, let alone a real fight.

He doesn't have a problem with Naruto being stronger than him, since he understands the circumstances that came about, but he doesn't want to be a liability. He wants to be able to watch his cousin's back when Naruto needs it.

He snarls a little when Naruto makes an aborted move with his hand, a punch Sasuke can see in hindsight would have come at his larynx and probably taken him out, had Naruto finished the motion.

"Don't do that!" he finally growls when Naruto has gotten a hold of one of his knees and an ankle, but isn't following through with whatever he would have done. Naruto startles at the sudden reprimand and he snaps Sasuke's legs apart. Sasuke hisses in pain and by instinct, he whirls around in the newly learned sequence and manages to push Naruto backwards.

But he isn't the only one with instincts, and he just barely manages to catch sight of Naruto's incoming fist before his head is slammed backwards and he falls down on the grass. He slaps a hand over his eye and hisses again.

"Oh, god, Sasuke, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Naruto sounds close to hysterical, and his hands pull gently at the one hand Sasuke has covering his smarting eye. Naruto's face comes into view, almost contorted with apology and guilt, and Sasuke almost snorts. He was an Academy student, is now a genin, and he's been in fights before; he's gotten injuries much worse than this (the fake death comes to mind and he quickly shuffles that thought off to the side). And Naruto shouldn't look at him like that, like he's in pain.

Sasuke says as much and then allows his cousin to pull his hand away. Naruto tries to smile at him a little, but he still looks much too guilty for it to be genuine. Careful fingertips probe the area around his eyes, and Sasuke just knows he's going to end up with a black eye tomorrow. Naruto looks reassured though, like he had expected the punch to have done much more damage; like he doesn't know his own strength. Which is probably true, if he's never had someone to spar with before they became a team. His clown persona couldn't show himself to be anywhere near strong, and risk revealing Naruto's true self.

He holds out a hand for Sasuke to take, and Sasuke does so, nodding. But when Naruto goes to pull him up, a fissure of pain runs down his inner thigh and he clenches his jaws together to avoid making a sound of pain. He's not surprised that Naruto noticed it anyway, and he stiffly explains that he'd felt a pull in his muscle when Naruto had pushed his legs apart before.

"Let me look," Naruto says worriedly and helps him down to the ground again, holding a hand on his back to make the descent slowly. The carefulness Naruto handles him with should feel insulting - it did, when anyone else tried to coddle him - but with his cousin, it was... nice.

Naruto pokes his thigh muscles gently until he finds the one that makes Sasuke grunt in pain, swatting his hand away.

"I'll go get Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto jumps up and prepares to take off towards their sensei's apartment, but Sasuke barks out a denial and grabs his ankle. Naruto turns back to look at him, hunching down and biting his bottom lip.

"Sasuke?" he asks quietly, worriedly, and for a second Sasuke is tempted to snap back. He doesn't though, because the pain is what's making him like this, and he's not going to take it out on Naruto. His cousin would probably think that he deserves it, and that is something Sasuke won't allow.

But he doesn't know how to explain his reluctance to be touched by other people, either. Naruto is the only exception to that rule, and no matter how he twists that thought in his head, it sounds strange and embarrassing.

But Naruto shows his intuition, the way he's started to do since he told Sasuke who he was, and says; "I'll only ask him for advice on how to help or something, I promise. Nothing else." Sasuke nods in relief, so thankful that he doesn't have to say anything.

****xxXxx****

Naruto stands outside his door for about two minutes before he actually knocks. Kakashi hopes to god that this isn't what he was afraid it is.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Hai, Naruto-kun?" He makes sure to pitch his voice and tone welcoming so that Naruto won't leave, feeling embarrassed.

"Uhm," He pauses and rubs the back of his head, ruffling his blond hair, "How... how do you heal a pulled thigh muscle?"

Kakashi restrains himself from slapping his palm to his face and covering his eyes. Eye. Whatever. He's been doing a lot of that lately.

"What happened?" He has to ask, because there a several important muscles in the thigh region. He really doesn't want to know, though.

"Well, me and Sasuke... I mean," Naruto corrects himself, "Sasuke and I were sparring and it sort of turned into a free-for-all and I must have pushed his legs to far apart, because he cramped up and I think he pulled a muscle in his inner thigh. I mean, he said it really hurt and when I poked around and found which one, he flinched. I was going to try to massage it because it might have been just a strain, but he doesn't want me to touch it."

"Oh." Kakashi closes his eyes, trying _not_ to imagine what kind of 'free-for-all' the boys had been doing. It is ten o'clock at night after all. "Here, let me just get dressed and I'll-"

"No!" Naruto balks, interrupting him, "Sasuke doesn't want- I mean, he- Well," Naruto calms a little, "He doesn't want anyone else but me touching him." He looks up at Kakashi with big blue eyes and adds a tiny pout, "Can you just show me how to fix it?"

Kakashi shakes his head at himself. "Yeah. Okay." Sasuke is fairly touch-shy after all. If he only wants his lover- only wants Naruto touching him, Kakashi guesses that he really can't force it. He opens his door wider and lets the boy into the entrance, "Show me where the muscle is that Sasuke pulled."

He expected Naruto to point out where the muscle was on himself, so when Naruto reaches out and runs his hand up the inside of _Kakashi's_ knee almost to his crotch and then pauses, he freaks out a little bit.

Silently and on the inside.

"Here, this one."

That was definitely a sex muscle.

Oh Gods.

"Uhm, okay," Kakashi gently pulls Naruto's hand from his leg and leans away. "Er, just a minute," He scoots from the entrance of his apartment to his bed and digs inside the bedside table. He pulls out a medicinal cream that Gai had made for pulled muscles and figures it will be good enough. Naruto doesn't have the chakra control for healing after all, and Gai does make the best medicinal cream for muscles in all the Hidden Countries.

He passes it over to Naruto, "This should fix it right up. It has a chakra additive in it that will promote healing. Just, er, don't do anything strenuous. You know, like, 'wrestling' or sparring for the next day or so."

Naruto hefts the cream and smiles up at him, "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei!" And then he leaves.

Kakashi closes the door behind his blond student and collapses on the bed. He never, ever wanted a repeat of that ever again.

He'll have to do a scan of Sasuke in the morning when they gather for their team meeting to make sure that Naruto has... contained himself and not continued whatever it was that had made Sasuke spread his legs widely enough to sprain his _gracilis _muscle.

Gods, this is going to be awkward.

****xxXxx****

When Kakashi arrives at the bridge - late, as he always is, but not as late as usual because he's worried about Sasuke - he sees Naruto sitting next to Sasuke, who's shifting tenderly, his face twinging with discomfort.

Maybe he should talk to Sasuke, get him alone and ask if Naruto hurt him on purpose. No, he thinks, Naruto wouldn't hurt Sasuke, Naruto - as much as Kakashi doesn't want to say it - loves Sasuke.

He sends Sakura and Naruto to spar and sits down silently beside Sasuke instead of hovering in a tree like he normally does.

"Sasuke-kun."

"Kakashi." Sasuke eyeballs Naruto intently and glares at Sakura when she insults the blond, "Sensei."

Well, one good thing has come out of this so far and that's that Sasuke has started to be a lot more polite.

"Did Naruto-kun give you the cream last night?" He asks idly, hoping that Sasuke won't close up. As much as Sasuke is starting to be polite, he's still as cold as ever. To everyone _not_ Naruto.

"Yes." Sasuke sighs and turns to him, "Thank you." The words are said out loud, but they sound a little forced, like Sasuke doesn't want to say them at all.

Kakashi can see the puffiness of a black eye that is just starting to disappear and he sharpens up. "Sasuke-kun, are you alright?" He can smell the cream that he'd given Naruto the night before coming from Sasuke's face and wonders if the boys are trying to hide Sasuke's black eye.

"I'm fine." Sasuke scowls and turns back to watching Naruto, petulant. And hiding his face.

He's embarrassed about his eye.

Kakashi leans forward a little, "Did Naruto-san give you the black eye?" He changes the suffix on Naruto's name hoping that maybe if he doesn't seem so close to Naruto, Sasuke will confide in him.

It's hard to believe that Naruto would hit Sasuke though, or hurt him in a malicious manner. He hopes that the eye is a result of sparring.

"Yes," Sasuke growls out and Kakashi feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. "We were sparring late." He tilts his head to the side, "He didn't mean to hit me that hard, though."

Kakashi is worried. More worried than he was before. All battered partners start with that line: 'he didn't mean to'.

"Sasuke-kun, what happened last night?"

"We were sparring," He repeats, "And it went a little far because I wanted Naruto to let loose a little. And I may have startled him and he pulled my legs too hard. He sometimes forgets his own strength. You know that happened, he came by and you gave him that cream."

"Yes," Kakashi muses gently. Oh Gods. Naruto was... forcing Sasuke.

No. No, he had to be wrong. Naruto wouldn't do that.

"Sasuke!" Naruto bounds over from where the spar with Sakura has ended and bowls Sasuke over, burying his face in Sasuke's neck and licking his jugular once.

Sasuke's arms come up around Naruto, but he pulls the blond close, he doesn't try to push him away.

And then he laughs. Clearly and openly. Then blushes because of his laugh and scowls at Naruto, who Kakashi can see now had tickled him.

Kakashi sighs and rolls his eyes. He was all worried for nothing. Sasuke doesn't flinch from Naruto at all, nor is he afraid of Naruto. Obviously there is no battering going on. It must have truly been a sparring accident that got out of control.

He subtly scans Sasuke as the Uchiha stands up to do his stretches, mirrored almost perfectly by Naruto and finds that the boy, both boys in fact, are completely healthy but for the small bruising that's going away and the mostly healed pulled thigh muscle.

He might have to go to someone for some advice soon though, because he's a little out of his comfort zone right now.

Maybe Genma. He's gay. And he was, at one point, a regular genin. There must be some rules about genin having sex when they're on the same team.

Kakashi never bothered reading the genin guidelines because he was only a genin for about six months when he was five, so he knows nothing about sex and genin and teammates, but Genma will know. So he'll go see him tonight and ask him about it.

****xxXxx****

"So, have you heard?" Kakashi says as he slides into the seat next to Genma in the back of the bar. Genma snorts into his glass of hard liquor and nods, wiping the liquid off his nose.

"Hell yeah. Uchiha and Uzumaki. Who'd'a thought it?" The senbon goes back in his mouth and Kakashi hums. "Okay Kakashi, what'd'ya want?" Genma is a nice guy, but you don't piss him off because he's dangerous. His forte is poison after all.

"Well, I was wondering about the rules and regs for genin on the same team. You know, if they're allowed to have sex? And if so, what happens on missions? If not, how do I go about splitting them up, because seriously? They're way too close. If one of them leaves, the other one will go ballistic."

"Wait," Genma holds up a hand, "They're having sex?"

Kakashi frowns, "Yes?"

"Kakashi," Genma says calmly, "They're twelve. And courting. Twelve year olds aren't supposed to be having sex."

"I had sex when I was twelve."

Genma snorts, "You also killed more people than most peace-time jounin in their thirties by that age."

Kakashi hums, "True. True."

Genma goes on to tell him that the boys shouldn't be having sex (but he doesn't say they _can't_), but that there were no rules against teammates having a romantic relationship.

He isn't much help.

So Kakashi goes to Raidou, because Raidou is always calm and controlled and he knows about 'romantic relationships' better than pretty much anyone else that he knows.

Raidou just kind of stares at him, shakes his head, and walks away muttering that he doesn't want to get involved when the last Uchiha is one part of the equation.

Kakashi scowls and kicks at the dirt under his feet. No one will help him and it's starting to piss him off.

A flicker of chakra to his right catches his attention and he looks over lazily to see Anko standing in the middle of the road, hands on her hips, smirk on her lips.

"I hear you have gay boi's on your team."

Kakashi sighs. "Sasuke and Naruto. They're... courting."

"I hear they're also having sex." Anko raises an eyebrow and Kakashi nods warily. Anko was promiscuous in her younger years, not that her younger years were very long ago, but maybe she'll have some answers.

"Anko, what do you do when one of your students, who looks up to you, comes to you and tells you that rough sex with their partner pulled a thigh muscle?"

Had he done the right thing when he'd sent Naruto back to Sasuke? It's a question that is eating at him.

Anko shifts her shoulders in a half shrug, "Never had students. And my sensei probably would have just handed me a bottle of healing cream and sent me on my way."

Damn it. Kakashi has no desire to be anything like Orochimaru.

Apparently he was getting close.

"I mean, he never really cared though, so I suppose that if I had a couple of twelve year olds banging each other on my genin team, I'd give'em the talk and tell'em to wait for a few more years. I mean, if the Uchiha is so enthralled with Uzumaki that he's this possessive already, they won't be splitting up any time soon." She cackles then, "At least one of them ain't a girl so you don't have to worry about pre-teen pregnancy!"

Kakashi scowls at her, "Yes, thank you for that wonderful image. You do realize that Naruto can turn into a flesh and blood female, right?"

She laughs even harder at him and he gives up, disgusted.

After that little meeting he decides to go to the one man that knows every rule, regulation, and exception in Konoha.

Ibiki looks up from his paperwork at Kakashi and snarls. Kakashi grins at him.

"No." He doesn't say anything else and Kakashi frowns.

"'No' what? No, they can't have sex? No, there aren't any rules against it? No, you don't want to get involved?"

"Latter." Ibiki snarls and hunches deeper over his paperwork.

Kakashi knows that if Ibiki lets himself get involved, there will be question after question about how the relationship came to be and he's coming to understand that Sasuke and Naruto shouldn't be having sex.

The question now, he thinks as he shunshins off, is how is he going to tell them they can't be together anymore? And how is he going to tell them without Sasuke trying to kill him? Or Naruto?

*****xxXXxx*****


	5. Promises

**Title:** Chapter Four:

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** So yeah. This is pretty much the last of what we got done in those first four days :) But we're still writing on it! Have no worries, this isn't the last! And please don't remind us of Naruto's timeline, we know it, we're just ignoring it for the most part :D

**Summary: **Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. **AU**. WIP. Misunderstandings galore.

*****xxXXxx*****

Ibiki is sitting at his desk staring at Inoichi and Shikaku across from him.

"I take it you heard the rumors as well?"

Inoichi shakes his head, "Not so much with rumors anymore. Apparently Haruno Sakura - their teammate - overheard them having sex."

"Really?" Ibiki leans forward, leaning his forearms on the desktop, "And you know Haruno-san, how?"

"Ino and Sakura are good friends. They became rivals over the Uchiha, but apparently that's over now because the Uchiha is gay. So they've banded together to consol each other."

Shikaku lifts a finger and both men turn to him. "I would like to know where two orphan children find out about sex other than from the Academy. And the Academy only teaches the basics about childbirth, not the sexual pleasure one can derive from the act."

Inoichi sits back and rubs his forehead, "That's one of my concerns as well. I mean, the Uchiha had parents and family for the first eight years, but no one tells their kids about sex when they're that young. What worries me is Uzumaki. He's lived on his own in an apartment for five years." He frowns and bites his lip, "Did we miss something? Did Uzumaki have an... encounter? Was he assaulted? Was he the one that drew the Uchiha into the sexual nature of their relationship?"

Shikaku shakes his head, "We won't know unless we interview them. It was a shock to hear that the Uchiha was courting Uzumaki, but to be secretly engaged? And not planning on telling anyone until the Traitor is dead? _And _having sex? That's a bit much, even for a clan heir."

"Even for an only surviving clan member and heir," Ibiki rumbles.

Inoichi and Shikaku agree with him.

"So, what are we going to do? I mean, if Uzumaki has had an 'encounter' before, or if the Uchiha was the one that started it, we kind of need to know, right?" Inoichi says, "I don't really want my daughter getting it into her head that she can go out and have sex when she's twelve. At the very least we have to be telling the boys that they should stop. Or we might have to separate them." Shikaku murmurs almost silently and Inoichi turns to his teammate, "What's wrong, Shika?"

"Do you honestly think that if Uzumaki wants something, you can take it away from him? Come on, Inoichi, think about it. When was the last time that even ANBU managed to stop Uzumaki from pulling a prank or keeping something dangerous - like that ninjatō that he thieved from ANBU HQ four years ago just after the Massacre?"

Inoichi sighs and slumps, "True enough. But really, they shouldn't be having sex! They're twelve!"

"I know that, Inoichi. But they have no role models to guide them - other than Hatake and he is not exactly what you'd call a 'role model' - and no family to tie them down. What exactly can we do to stop them?"

Ibiki clears his throat and waves his hand at Shikaku in a 'pick me, pick me' motion.

Inoichi coughs to hide a startled laugh. "Yes, Ibiki?"

"I want to question Uzumaki in either case. We have ANBU shadowing the Uchiha on and off and there've been no signs of anything untoward. Uzumaki can slip past most of the operatives that are sent to check up on him."

Inoichi raises his eyebrows. It's not really his place to be questioning the Head of T&I, but since he used to hold the position, he thinks he deserves a little leeway, "And how do you propose to get Uzumaki in here to ask him some questions?"

"I'm going to do something completely unexpected," Ibiki grins almost maliciously, "I'm gonna ask him nicely to have a talk with me."

And then he does. Ask Uzumaki nicely, that is. And it takes maybe five minutes from the time he said he was going to talk to Uzumaki to him sitting across an interrogation table with the genin.

"Yo," Naruto waves at the one way glass behind Ibiki and Ibiki smiles at him.

"Uzumaki-san,"

"Oh, just Naruto will do, Morino-san."

Ibiki raised a shaved eyebrow, "You know my name." It's not a question but it demands an explanation from the boy.

"Yeah, Head of T&I. Took over for Yamanaka Inoichi, teammate of Nara Shikaku and Akimichi Chouza, fathers of Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji, genin under the tutelage of Sarutobi Asuma, son of Sarutobi Hiruzen, sensei to the three Sannin, Senju Tsunade-"

"Enough."

The boy smirks, "Yeah," He repeats, "I know who you are."

He apparently knows who the three behind the one way glass are too, because it's Inoichi, Shikaku and Chouza, the original Ino/Shika/Chou trio.

Ibiki is a little curious to know how long Naruto could have kept going, but he has more important questions for this meeting. Maybe later he'll test Naruto's information gathering and retaining skills. It seems, from what he's just heard, that it won't be a waste of his time.

"Naruto-san," Ibiki starts, leaning back in his chair. He knows that he has to be calm and relaxed and nice because he's not going to hurt the boy and he doesn't want Naruto to clam up if he gets scared, "I would like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials with the Uchiha." Also, Naruto is under the laws of the Clans because he's engaged to the Uchiha.

"Oh," Naruto shakes his head, "I'm just going to be taking his family name is all..."

Ibiki wonders if Naruto even knows what that means when he says it. The boy has been an orphan for his entire life, it's not inconceivable that he knows what sex is but is ignorant of Clan marriage.

"I see," He rests his arms on the table between them, "May I ask a question, Naruto-san?"

Naruto's eyes brighten and he smiles widely, "Yeah! Sure, wha'cha wanna know?"

"How did you learn to make love?"

It's a blunt question, but this is a fairly uneducated boy outside of shinobi curriculum (even if he does have a good memory) so Ibiki thinks that he ought to be blunter than he usually is. Even if the boy is able to gather information and retain it well, that doesn't mean that he understands the intricate nature of how the information is put together. He also uses a common teenage euphemism for sex because the boy is, after all, a teenager.

"Oh!" Naruto blushes and looks down to the left. Ibiki knows that typically means that whatever it is Naruto is remembering is a kinesthetic memory: one of touch, smell or taste.

"I never learned how to make love," Naruto blinks, "But I know a lot about sex."

When his eyes turn back to Ibiki, Ibiki is furious, even though he doesn't make any outward indications of his anger.

If only the boy had looked to the right. If Naruto had looked to the right, Ibiki could believe that Naruto was lying, but he'd looked to the left which meant that he was actually remembering something. And if it wasn't 'making love' with the Uchiha, then it was sex. With someone else.

"Who taught you?" Ibiki weaves a light genjutsu into his voice to encourage peacefulness and truth. It's a genjutsu used on witnesses and victims to help them stay calm and tell the person questioning them what they know as the truth.

"Nobody really taught me," Naruto shrugs, shoulders relaxing, "It's just something that... happened. I mean, I read all about it when I joined the Academy, yeah?" He seems pleased that he's able to tell Ibiki this, "I didn't know what it was until I read about it, but after I found a sempai's paper about procreation, I found every book available on sex itself so I could study it."

Ibiki wants to slam his hands into the table and scream at the boy to tell him who did that to him, but doesn't. He can't scare the boy.

"Why are you engaging in that activity with Sasuke-kun?" he asks. If it happened before Naruto was even in the Academy, he would have been under the age of seven. Anyone who's raped that young doesn't go out and find someone to have sex with when they're twelve, they're far to traumatized to do that.

"Uhm," Naruto frowns and leans back a bit, "I don't... I mean, I'm not having sex with Sasuke."

Ah. Naruto's figured a way to get past his trauma by differentiating 'having sex' and 'making love'. It's no wonder that he insists that he doesn't have sex with Sasuke after what happened to him.

"Naruto, do you know that making love is an adult activity?" Ibiki lowers his voice and makes himself seem less intimidating than he was just a minute ago.

"Yeah," Naruto rolls his eyes, "I know that."

"Are you engaging in adult activities with Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto pauses and licks his lips and his eyes flickers to the left again, "Yes?"

Ibiki isn't sure how he's going to react when the boy is gone and he's left alone with his mentor and his team. He thinks he might break something. Or someone.

"Naruto, you're not an adult yet, do you understand?" Naruto nods seriously, "I have to ask you to promise not to engage in any more adult activities with Sasuke-kun until you're older. Can you do that for me?"

"Um," Naruto half scowls, "What about training, drinking, missions and killing?"

The head of the T&I Department likes the boy. For all the horrors that he's been though, he's strong and focused and he even has the mind to qualify his promises.

"You can do those. I meant, adult activities outside of your shinobi life."

"Oh!" Naruto perks up, "Oh, yeah, okay, I can totally promise that!" He raises his right fist and clasps it over his heart, "I promise not to engage in any adult activities outside of my shinobi career until I am of a proper age."

And thank god that is over.

He lets Naruto go with a kindly wave and slumps in his chair.

****xxXxx****

Sakura wonders towards the bridge, depressed. She'd done the whole Girl Talk with Ino and Hinata and some of the others. She knows that she'll never get Sasuke now, not after having heard him have sex with Naruto.

As she pauses at the edge of the bridge, she sighs and leans against the railing. She looks up at the sky. At least her parents seemed happy enough when she told them that she wasn't going to be chasing the Uchiha anymore.

Not that she told them what was going on between her teammates. She knows that old fashioned people like her parents are very against gay relationships.

She has noticed that most of the people she knows (other than her parents) don't seem to care though, which she supposes is good for Sasuke-kun and Naruto.

Movement at the corner of her eye catches her attention and she looks over to see what it was that moved.

A head of shocking blond hair pressed close to a head of pitch black hair.

Naruto and Sasuke-kun.

She sighs again. Why is it that everywhere she goes, she sees them?

Considering how much they're going to be together now, she thinks that she should probably take a moment to actually watch them and see how they act together, so she adjusts herself so that she can watch them without actually looking like she's watching.

Naruto is sitting on the ground, leaning against the base of a tree and Sasuke is settled neatly in between his legs, leaning against his chest. Naruto's arms are around Sasuke's shoulders and waist and he seems to be talking quietly to the Uchiha.

Sakura bites her bottom lip. They _are_ kind of cute together.

Sasuke's face breaks out into a wide smile then he laughs and Sakura is amazed by it. If she thought that Sasuke was handsome before seeing him smile and laugh, she knows that he's completely hot now.

Sasuke turns his face back, towards Naruto, and Naruto is listening intently.

Sakura's never seen Naruto look quite so focused before. It's a strange change to see on his face and she's confused about how it makes her feel.

Naruto's lips turn up in a real smile and Sakura can see now how all his other smiles, the smiles that Naruto gives everyone else, are so very fake. She can see that because right now she's seeing a completely real smile and it kind of hurts to know that even when Naruto had been chasing her, he's never smiled like that before.

Sasuke pats Naruto's knee and turns back to look at the stream. He sees her and his whole body tenses.

She's a little hurt to know that Sasuke thinks that she will react like her parents would to a gay couple. She's not a civilian (or old fashioned, thank you very much) though, and she doesn't hate Sasuke and Naruto for being together.

In fact, now that she's seen them together without having their lives in danger, she thinks that they're pretty well matched.

And they really are very cute together.

****xxXxx****

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama! I don't think that they're ready!"

Kakashi looks over his shoulder to the brunet teacher with a scar over his nose. Hm.

"I think they are," He muses out loud.

"I know Naruto," Iruka says, coming forward, "And I know that he's not mature enough to be going through the exams."

"Maa, maa," Kakashi shrugs, "If he's mature enough to be having sex, he's mature enough to go through the exams."

"WHAT!" Iruka explodes and the room is immediately covered in rage and killing intent with just a hint of fear to flavor it. "Naruto's doing _what_?!"

Kakashi blinks at the Academy teacher, inwardly impressed at the amount of killing intent the other is spewing around the room. It's definitely jounin level.

"Having sex," he repeated, not sure if he's baiting the chuunin or if he's just happy that he isn't the only one who'd had a major freak-out at that snippet of information. Iruka's face contorts in rage and Kakashi only has a second to regret his words before he's slammed up against the wall.

...Kakashi rather laments the fact that his first thought is not that the teacher is a threat, but that he's gone gay. Then he wonders if he'll continue to be fit for duty if that's the first thought he has in a potentially hostile situation.

But instincts kick in quickly and he switches with the teacher, so that he's pinning Iruka to the wall instead. Again his first thoughts go gay; this time he gets the most terrible mental image involving his two students and what they would do in this position.

And he kind of freaks a little and jumps backwards, pulling his orange-jacketed _straight_ porn out of one of the vest pockets and rubbing it against his masked cheek. It reassures him a little but when he looks up he finds Iruka staring at him with a very bemused expression. Someone is laughing hysterically in the background - Anko, who probably knows what just happened.

"Kakashi-san, I don't suppose you'd be willing to elaborate?" the teacher looks a bit calmer, though it might just be because his rage has been muted by the bemusement. Kakashi nods anyway, since he really doesn't want a repeat of the previous situation.

"While training my team I found out that Sasuke-kun is courting Naruto-kun," he waits for that statement to sink in and watches with interest how the expressions fly across the teacher's face. He really is rather open for a shinobi, with the way he allows his emotions to show like that. Before the teacher can comment, he adds; "And just a little while ago I also found out that they have already become, ah, intimate..." he trails off and watches the chuunin gape at him like a brown-haired goldfish. Kakashi can understand the sentiment, though, and sends him a sympathetic look.

"How-? What-? Is-? Is that even allowed?!" The teacher finally screams in a strangled yell and kind of stalks forward a few steps. Kakashi tries not to freak out when it looks like the teacher is going to slam him up against the wall again, and prepares to dive behind a muttering Raidou, should it become necessary to escape.

"Why haven't you stopped them?!" Iruka grabs a hold of his collar and Kakashi absently notes how close Iruka's face is to his own. Still, he is a jounin, which means that freaking out over a chuunin (again) just because of his proximity is kind of ridiculous.

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, those two are very hard to separate..." he starts to placate the teacher, hoping that he'll let go without Kakashi having to resort to force.

Just when he's about to decide that punching someone's lights out is really just a forceful way of sedating them, Ibiki speaks up. When he appeared in the room, Kakashi has no idea, but since the gravelly voice makes Iruka let go of him, he's not complaining.

"I actually spoke to Naruto-kun a few days ago," he begins and Kakashi turns around, watching the T&I operative a little sharply. He'd heard nothing about that, from the interrogator or his student. He doesn't like it. A genin team's teacher also functions as their _de facto_ guardian on the field, and he should have been informed if one of his student's had been brought in for any kind of interrogation, no matter what the circumstances were.

Ibiki calmly continues, the man's eyes telling him that he will get a full explanation later. Kakashi relaxes a little. From the way Ibiki is reacting, he guesses that it wasn't a full interrogation, and that calms him a little.

He's surprisingly protective over his odd little team, and isn't entirely sure when that happened.

"He promised that he would not engage in further adult activity of that kind." Ibiki's tone is calm and precise, but Kakashi can hear a trace of - something - boiling just underneath. It worries him, and he makes a mental note to talk to the interrogator after the meeting.

Though Iruka seems a bit calmer after Ibiki's statement, there are still traces of killing intent wafting through the air.

"How did this physical relationship even start? _He's twelve years old._" Iruka fairly snarls the last sentence, which seems very uncharacteristic for the man. Kakashi wonders if he's misread the teacher's personality, or if their blond student just brings out the aggressiveness in him.

He finds himself looking searchingly into the chuunin's eyes, wondering what other secret traits the teacher might be hiding. Those normally doe-like eyes are flashing -

Kakashi blinks mentally, and a small part of his mind flushes and then screams in fear. He was not just checking out Iruka. He _wasn't_.

He will not be infected by the general gay craze going about. He's always been perfectly straight, thank you very much, and he's _staying that way_. No straying to the side.

"Maa, who knows?" - Ibiki, probably, - "He's a teenage boy; he could have picked it up from anywhere." Except Kakashi is very sure that Naruto didn't just pick it up from somewhere, not from the slight twitch Kakashi can detect in Ibiki's expression.

Iruka seems to accept the explanation at face value, though he's sure the teacher will at least ask Naruto about it later. He's not sure if he should try and stop that or just let them hash things out themselves. He knows that the two of them are close, and that his interference would probably be seen as him overstepping his boundaries, but he'll wait until he knows what answers Ibiki got from the boy before he does anything.

The meeting concludes on a slightly loud and confused note, as the people in the know about Naruto and Sasuke have to explain what's going on to the other shinobi in the room. The Hokage doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get them out of his office, so everyone stays until the situation is explained.

Kakashi has a feeling that pretty much all of Konoha will know about at least the courting part of his students' relationship by tomorrow, and he wonders if he should be worried about how interested people seem to be in the two adolescent boys' love life.

Kakashi steps out the door to the office just after Ibiki does, and makes his presence known almost immediately. Ibiki doesn't stop or even slow down, but he enters an empty storage room a few paces down the corridor leading towards the outside.

Kakashi closes the door after them both - and again freaks out a little at the thought of what his two male students would have done in this situation - before Ibiki turns around with a serious expression, a shinobi's expression.

"He had sex for the first time sometime before he entered the Academy," the interrogator says neutrally, but Kakashi hears a multitude of things in that sentence. His mind supplies him with more information than he wants, and experience does it doubly so.

"I see," he says icily and can tell that Ibiki only just managed to resist flinching at his tone. He doesn't want to make the man uncomfortable, or demand information that Naruto hadn't chosen to confide in him himself, so he nods tightly, spins on his heel, and stalks back out the door.

That night, numerous trees in training area 54 bear several chidori-shaped holes through them when he leaves.

****xxXxx****

"Naruto!" Iruka calls out, having run straight from the Hokage's office to Ichiraku's ramen stand, where he was sure he'd find the blond boy at this time of the day. Sure enough, he can see two orange-clad legs from beneath the cloth veil that cover the top-half of the stand.

The boy in question sticks his head under the veil and waves at him with two chopsticks enthusiastically. He looks young and innocent and Iruka only manages a half-hearted grin and a small wave in return. What was his favorite student doing, having sex with anyone at this age?

He sits down next Naruto, greeting both him and Ayame and ordering a bowl of ramen for himself. He eyes the stacked up bowls beside the one Naruto is currently devouring with fondness, remembering all the times Naruto's seemingly bottomless stomach had scraped his wallet all but clean.

They made small talk for a moment while Iruka ponders on how to actually segue into the topic he is here to discuss. Finally he gets his chance, when Naruto explains that Sasuke is buying more kunai and is going to meet him there in about half an hour.

"Ah...so you and Sasuke get along very well then," Iruka says, slightly uncomfortable. Naruto is such an honest boy and Iruka doesn't like to feel as though he's manipulating him. Naruto nods quickly, mouth full of noodles and Iruka sighs internally. He's going to have to ask outright, isn't he? "And... what's this I hear about you and Sasuke being... ah, together?" He almost adds, 'in more ways than one', but refrains. He'll get to that later. Naruto looks up and smiles widely.

"Yup! We're living together now!"

Iruka only barely manages to keep from snorting out the mouthful of noodles he'd been about to swallow. He hears Ayama-chan make some kind of odd squealing noise that makes the hair in the back of his neck stand up and coughs a little. Apparently the girl knows a lot more about this than he does.

"I see..." he starts, trying to sound supportive but probably just appearing confused, "Eh, how long have you been living together?" he asks, clearing his throat. He knows what kind of things teenagers can get up to when they're left alone for long periods of time, but Naruto has only just entered his early teens...

"For a few months, I guess. Hard to keep track 'sactly," the blond boy says around a few slurping noodles, and Iruka forgets to admonish him due to how stunned he is. _Months?_

"What made you decide to move in together, Naruto?" he asks in a strangled voice. He will not hyperventilate. He will not make up imaginary scenarios. He will not make assumptions based on Naruto's sensei. He will not choke on his food, no matter what the answer is.

His ex-student scratches the back of his head sheepishly. "Eh, well, I dunno - Sasuke asked me to take his name you see -"

Iruka chokes on his food.

"Iruka-sensei?" Iruka waves his arms around, trying to illustrate that he's just _fine_, and would he _please_ be allowed to have a heart-attack in peace?

Naruto doesn't seem to understand his expressive hand-waving and instead pats him heavily on the back. Iruka finishes coughing and turns around to look at his blond student with tearing eyes. Naruto just looks clue-less as to his reaction and Iruka shakes his head slowly.

"You never cease to surprise me, Naruto," he says warmly, if not quite as steadily as he would have liked, and Naruto smiles at him. He still seems a bit confused though Iruka assumes it's because his student has gotten used to his feelings for the Uchiha, and the apparent whirlwind romance that followed, a long time ago.

Iruka doubts he'll ever be this surprised again though. Now that he knows, he'll be able to react properly and question the boy with the calm befitting an experienced Academy teacher.

Naruto's smile turns softer and he continues, "It's really nice, 'specially at night."

Iruka didn't know that you could choke on just one noodle, but apparently, you could. He never thought he'd die with a girly squeal ringing in his ears, bent over a ramen counter with the taste of broth on his tongue. He wonders if he should feel disappointed or not.

***x***

Naruto looks at his wheezing teacher with equal measures of alarm and amusement. He supposes he should have told Iruka-sensei about Sasuke, but with so much happening lately, he hadn't found the time to truly sit down and talk things out with his first mentor.

"Iruka-sensei?" he asks, trying to mask the amusement when Iruka looks up at him in shock. He feels a little mean, and hopes he won't induce a heart attack in the man. Though he can't help but enjoy an opportunity to prank his teacher, it's only for fun.

Iruka composes himself and Naruto looks up at him with his most innocent gaze.

"...What do you do at night, Naruto?" He looks like he's dreading the answer and Naruto can't help but blush at what Iruka must be imagining, despite knowing that he and Sasuke keep each other company to ward off nightmares, not for any other reason.

Iruka looks a bit freaked out and Naruto wonders if he's about to get a lecture on safe sex or a big-brother-scolding. The first would be more than a little embarrassing, coming from his mentor, but the second one had a lot of potential.

"Naruto... you both make sure to... stay safe, don't you?"

...he didn't even know why he keeps hoping for things to just go in the direction he wants them to; it never works. Iruka is blushing more than Naruto has ever seen before, minus that one time with the Sexy no Jutsu girl at the graduation exam, and he doesn't know whether to be pleased at the success of his prank or worried at how much blood seem to be speeding up to Iruka's head. Being that red can't be healthy.

"Yeah, we stay safe," he says, because it's the truth (and he loves that), putting a bit of cluelessness in his tone. It's kind of hard not to stay safe when you're just sleeping.

Iruka stutters out something vaguely encouraging and Naruto grins widely. His big brother is trying to be supportive, even though he doesn't understand or quite approve. There is something very nice at having someone willing to keep criticism to themselves because they know it makes him happy. First Kakashi-sensei and now Iruka.

Something warm rises in his chest and Naruto feels like he just has to celebrate that, so he adds, "Maybe you should try it sometime?"

Naruto hadn't known a shinobi could be clumsy enough to fall of a chair quite like that. Iruka is making abortive motions with his hands and stuttering denials, "No! Absolutely not! ...Not that there is anything wrong with th-that, of course; you know, it's just that I don't think it's for me... You know how some people like ham and some people like cheese? Well, trying to convince someone to change doesn't work..."

Naruto tries very hard to keep his laughter in, but fails terribly. He laughs and laughs and finally ends up on the ground next to his big brother.

This is so _very_ fun.

****xxXxx****

Naruto wakes up the second he hears Sasuke's muffled groan of pain and a second later he is by the other Uchiha's side. Sasuke had requested, just before they were to go to sleep, that they'd switch their previously chosen beds. Naruto hadn't asked why Sasuke had wanted to switch; the look in his eyes had said it wasn't the time. Instead he'd just handed the other boy a pair of PJ pants and gone to the other bed. He'd known Sasuke was grateful for it, even if he hadn't outright thanked Naruto.

"Sasuke? Sasuke!" He called out in a harsh whisper once he reached the bed, grabbing the boy's shoulder and shaking him a little. Sasuke sleeps like all shinobi do; silently and still, but when in the throes of a nightmare it was a lot harder to wake up. Naruto knew that from personal experience.

Sasuke shoots up the bed and starts fighting Naruto's grip on his shoulder, before he recognizes the presence next to his as 'friendly' and not 'possibly hostile'. Naruto sits down on the edge of the bed carefully, still touching Sasuke. He can't help but worry at the wild look in the other boy's eyes, and makes a soothing circle on Sasuke's skin with his thumb, hoping to calm him down.

It's only partially working, but even though Sasuke's is shaking, he leans his forehead to rest on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto nuzzles his hair, taking in the tart smell of fading fear and the underlying scent of home.

"You ok now?" he asks after a few minutes, when the other boy's trembles has lessened and his breathing has returned to normal. Sasuke nods and though Naruto would like to ask just what the other boy was dreaming of, it's really not the time for that. Either way, Naruto thinks he can guess, and he feels a sudden spike of hatred for Itachi. The hatred burns away quickly, because Sasuke's wellbeing is so much more important than any revenge fantasies he'd like to entertain.

Sasuke doesn't answer at first, and when he does, he completely bypasses the question. "Can you sleep here tonight?" he asks, and his voice is kind of rough and painful sounding. It tears at Naruto's heart to hear that tone from his only remaining family member.

He doesn't need to consider his answer, just climbs on top of the bed and in under the sheets. It smells warm and the scent of home envelopes him, even more so when he takes Sasuke's hand under the covers and watches as he slowly relaxes.

Only when Sasuke's breathing evens out in sleep does Naruto allow his own eyes to shut for the night.

****xxXxx****

He's not impressed to see them in bed together - mostly naked - because Naruto said, no, he _promised_ to Ibiki not to start any 'adult activities' with Sasuke just days ago.

So he stalks in his completely silent jounin manner over to the bed and touches Naruto's bare shoulder where the blanket isn't covering Naruto.

"Naruto," He really doesn't have to whisper because he knows that Naruto is a lighter sleeper than Sasuke.

Naruto clutches tight to Sasuke and wearily opens one blue eye and looks up at him. Kakashi raises an eyebrow at him. It's not _really_ disappointment in his eye, but he needs to get through to Naruto that he shouldn't be having sex with Sasuke while they're this young. Because apparently he hasn't learned that yet. (He's decided to ignore his hypocrisy. Just because it took him awhile to figure that out doesn't mean Naruto can go around breaking promises.)

"Sensei?" Naruto turns his head from Sasuke's shoulder and blinks at him blurrily, "What's wrong?"

"Why are you..." He wants to say spooning, but doesn't want to give Naruto any more adult words, "In bed with Sasuke?"

"Sensei," Naruto rolls his eyes and reaches up to wipe a bit of sleep from the corner of one eye, "Sasuke was the one that asked me."

Kakashi hums, "Of course," It's not that he doesn't believe Naruto, but he'd seen the Sasuke claim the other bed and leave this one for Naruto. "You promised not to do this anymore."

"I promised nothing of the sort!" Naruto gasps, too loud, and Sasuke wakes up.

"What's going on, Naruto..." He sees Kakashi standing over the bed and scowls, "Kakashi. Sensei." There was always a pause between his name and his title, but at least the title was there. "Go away. We're sleeping."

"Sasuke, you have to be in separate beds."

"No," Sasuke doesn't mean to be petulant, but he can't help it. He was dreaming nice dreams about his family, about Naruto, and he's just woken up. "Naruto stays with me. I was having a very nice dream about him, Kakashi. Sensei."

Kakashi clears his throat because if he doesn't he's going to choke and _die_ by accident.

What a nice line on his headstone. _Hatake Kakashi. Died in the line of duty: keeping his genin from having sex._

Yeah, no. Not happening.

"Sasuke, we've been over this. You can't be so close to Naruto anymore. Not until you're older."

Sasuke obviously wants to say 'Fuck off and die' but doesn't because he'd never swear in front of Naruto. Not that Kakashi hasn't wondered about that because Naruto has a dirtier mouth than Sasuke could ever try to have.

And that was a _bad_ thought. Bad Kakashi. No dirtiness. Bad.

"He's mine. You can't take him." Sasuke wiggles up closer to Naruto and clasps his hands together behind Naruto's back, arms around the blond's chest.

Oh God. Why did it have to be him that got the obsessive kids? Naruto's almost as bad as Sasuke. And it didn't help that Sakura was getting into the whole yaoi-fan girl stage.

"Sasuke, Naruto," Kakashi makes an abortive movement to sit on the edge of the bed. No way was he going to sit on bed. There might be... leftovers. Kids aren't the cleanest people around. "I know that you're very close and don't want to be separated..."

"Wait," Sasuke sits up suddenly and the blanket falls to pool at his waist. Kakashi isn't sure if he's glad or not that he can't check to see if the boy is wearing boxers. If he was wearing boxers, he probably wouldn't be so paranoid, but he really doesn't want to see if Sasuke _isn't_. "How many people know that I love Naruto?"

That's a strange question. Also, a declaration of love. How sweet.

It was going to make him gag. Even Obito hadn't been so open.

"Ahh, pretty much all of Konoha?" He answers his-_ can't really call him cute anymore because that would seem creepy. Creepier. Whatever;_ -answers his young Uchiha student.

"Naruto!" Sasuke grabs Naruto's hand, "What if Itachi finds out?"

Naruto shakes his head and Kakashi isn't really sure what's going on now. Why would Itachi care? It's not like Naruto is about to start repopulating the Uchiha clan.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, calm down," Naruto pulls Sasuke into a hug. Kakashi kindly turns his eye away, giving them a little privacy. Not too much though, because he doesn't want them to have 'love-slash-life reassuring sex' at the moment.

Or ever.

He's not a homophobe, but surely they'll understand that he's not a voyeur, right?

Thankfully there's no sex. He does peek a little kiss on the cheek and a neck-lick from Naruto though. Kinda creepy: the neck licking. In his opinion, anyway.

"Boys," Kakashi turns back to his students, "I know you're worried about Itachi," He doesn't know _why_, but he does know about it, "But right now, one of you has to go to the other bed. In fact..." He considers his options and then gives them his upside-down eye smile, "I'll get Sakura to sleep in this room with Naruto, and Sasuke, you can sleep..."

"No." Sasuke isn't the only one who says it. Kakashi looks between the boys and then at the door to where Sakura is standing. In her god-awful, bright pink pj's that match her hair.

"I refuse to split them up, Kakashi-sensei! They _belong_ together!" Sakura cries out and Kakashi resists the urge to cover his face with his hand.

Seriously. Fan girl.

Not fun.

"Sakura-chan..."

"Kakashi-sensei! They be-long to-geth-er." She tells him in her most serious voice, which isn't very serious to him. She eyeballs him then looks at the boys on the bed and squees in a high enough pitch that the windows rattle. "They're sooooo cute!"

Kakashi finds it interesting that while Sasuke flinches, Naruto looks smug.

Hm. Interesting.

Right, yes, he thought that already.

On to the next plan then, since Sakura was sure as hell to fight him on that one.

"Okay, then either Sakura stays in here with you two, or I do."

Sasuke frowns and broods, "Why do we need supervision?"

Kakashi smiles. Sasuke usually isn't this slow. "Because I worry about you."

"But not about Sakura." He says flatly. Kakashi just keeps smiling. (He thinks that maybe Sakura seems very pleased that he isn't worried about her, but is sure that she doesn't know he isn't worried about her having sex. If there were any danger on this two day mission he would have left the boys alone and watched over the girl.)

Naruto decides for Sasuke, "We'll take you, Kakashi-sensei."

Damn it.

So Sakura left, with hearts in her eyes, staring over her shoulder at the boys on the bed and Kakashi settles on the free bed. He wonders what the boys are going to do, but as he watches them, they just cuddle up and go back to sleep.

He had run them fairly hard though, even by _chuunin_ standards, so he's not surprised that they're tired. They were tough enough, strong enough for him to run them that hard and he was pretty impressed at how Sakura managed to keep up all day.

He reaches out and flicks the light off and lays his head on the pillow, crossing his arms over his chest.

He's half asleep when he hears a murmur and then rustling blankets.

He doesn't think about it.

There's another murmur and then a sigh and more rustling.

He doesn't think about it.

There's _another_ sigh and then a deep inhalation.

_He refuses to think about it._

But he looks over anyway. And then he sees - even though it's dark there's some light coming in the window from the street lamp - Sasuke lift up one of his legs and wrap it around Naruto's knees.

Dear god. What the hell? He's in the damned _room_ with them!

He clears his throat and they stop moving.

Naruto lifts his head and looks over at him with a dirty glare. Sasuke's dark eyes are barely visible over Naruto's shoulder and Kakashi can see him glaring too.

So he rolls over so he doesn't have to _watch_ at the very least.

It's quiet for a while. Thank god.

And then the noises start again! Why?! Why must it be him?!

"Naruto-" Sasuke mutters and it's muffled so his mouth must be mostly occupied. God damn it.

Naruto grunts, "Sasuke..."

"Stop. Just... stop." Kakashi tells them both. He can't stand it anymore. Jeez, you'd think they'd have a little more common sense. Then again, they are almost teenagers and teenagers are notoriously libidinous.

"Sorry, Sensei," Naruto whispers, "We'll be quieter."

He doesn't want them to be _quieter_, he wants them to _stop_.

"Just... go to sleep, okay?" He's almost begging, but he can't help it! Really, you'd think they could wait until they were home. They've only been out of the village for one day.

They're quiet for a long time and Kakashi finally feels safe enough to turn to lie on his back again. He tries not to think about the boys and what they'd been doing before he'd asked them to stop.

He dozes and keeps one ear perked for anything dangerous sounding.

A light 'whuump' jerks him awake and he blinks, completely aware in less than a second.

There's a curse from the boys' bed and Kakashi stifles his own swearing. Not again.

Sasuke's leg, the one that's still around Naruto's knees, tightens around the blond under the blanket and he rolls Naruto underneath him.

What the hell is he...

Sasuke breathes out quietly as he slides down Naruto's body. His head disappears under the covers and when his head is level with Naruto's crotch, it lowers.

Oh dear god. Kakashi couldn't believe it. Sasuke... was... giving Naruto a...

No. He wouldn't. Not with their sensei in the room.

But maybe Sasuke thought Kakashi was asleep. That was possible. Disturbing, but possible.

Naruto sighs, a little half moan, and Sasuke's head rose up under the blanket. His head lowered again and then came back up quicker. Kakashi coughs lightly, hoping that will convince Sasuke that continuing to do what he was doing was a _bad idea_.

It seems like it works, because Sasuke slithers back up Naruto's body. He presses his face close to Naruto's. (Kakashi has to wonder how long they've been intimate enough that Sasuke knows that Naruto didn't mind his own taste in Sasuke's mouth.)

Sasuke fidgets with something in his hand and settles besides Naruto, holding him once more.

Kakashi can say right now, that those two were never, _never_, staying together in the same room again. And sure as hell not with him. Also? Taking this mission was a bad plan. Well, at least tomorrow Iruka will have finished testing all three of them to see if the jounin was lying or not about if his team being ready for the exams.

There is a sigh full of hearts (and badly disguised lust) from behind the door.

And he isn't going to let them stay in the same room with Sakura either.

***x***

Having retrieved the other pillow from where it had fallen off the night stand and tucked it under Naruto, Sasuke feels content enough to fall asleep. His cousin may never complain about his back, but he knows that Naruto always sleeps with an extra pillow under his knees for comfort.

He wants his cousin as comfortable as possible, no matter what. He's heard enough about Naruto's life to know that Naruto hasn't been comfortable for a very long time and he hopes to help make up for that.

*****xxXXxx*****

**Reviews are our motivation. Every single one is worshipped :)  
**


	6. Exam Part 1

**Title:** Chapter Five

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash, some language

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** And, as Roma-chan said, we are returning to our roots. The angst won't go away! :D We don't mind that much though, because we're keeping the hijinks going! Also? We bring you action a la wife-chan!

**Summary: **Uchiha Naruto's only just found his one remaining family member, and the prank potential is just too much to pass up. Faux!gay!SasuNaruSasu, Confused&Disturbed!EverybodyElse. **AU**. WIP. Misunderstandings galore.

*****xxXXxx*****

"I've nominated you three to the chuunin exam," Kakashi says wearily to his three students. He has dark circles under his eyes from not having gotten even a minute of sleep during the previous night. All jounin-sensei had been told in the roughest of strokes what the exams would entail... and he could not deny his worry.

Sasuke and Naruto. In the Forbidden Forest for five days. _Alone -_ except for Sakura-the-yaoi-fangirl.

Gods, what the hell is he going to do about this? He needs to warn them, but how can he do that? Tell them that they need to make sure they don't have sex roughly enough that they don't notice the other genin sneaking up on them? Yeah, he can just imagine how that talk would go. If he wasn't so tired at the moment he knows he'd be blushing.

Maybe he should just forbid them from doing anything untoward? That sounds like a rather harmless way to state things and still ensure that they understand. Clearing his throat, he does just that. All of the three genin stare at him, and to his ever-rising horror only Sakura blushes. The other two just _look_ at him.

"Kakashi-sensei, it's the chuunin exam; why would anyone mind if we do something 'untoward'? They must be expecting it." Sasuke says slowly, still with that blank gaze. Kakashi's mind whirls; 'expecting it'? Why would the other genin expect anyone to be having sex in the middle of the exam?

...Oh. God. No. The rumors can't have spread that far already, can they? The delegates from the other villages have only been in Konoha for a few days! And the team was gone for two days!

Kakashi stares at the three wildly, not sure how exactly those rumors would have spread but very sure he doesn't want to know. He thinks about how unabashedly his two male students act and how they were very... adventurous... in their experimenting. And how they didn't seem to care when he was in the room with them...

He lets out something he's a afraid might sound like a whimper, hands Naruto some of the body oil he uses for massages and wishes them good luck in a strangled voice. He really hopes the two of them will be able to keep their hands to themselves during the exam, but isn't really counting on it.

Kakashi should also probably talk to Naruto about what Ibiki brought to his attention, but he doesn't really want to bring it up because the boy seems to be doing well enough on his own and he doesn't want to force Naruto to think about the horrible thing that happened to him. Kakashi does, on the other hand, want to hunt down and kill the one who touched Naruto like that.

He's glad that Naruto has found some kind of way to deal though, because if he hadn't learned how to deal, he wouldn't be having sex with Sasuke, that's for sure.

In the end he just watches Naruto a little more closely than he used to - honestly, with what he and Sasuke had been up to lately, he'd been trying not to watch too closely. He did not want to see and hickeys or other evidence of certain activities. It's bad enough the mental images has started to pop up whenever he's trying to read his beloved Icha Icha.

Naruto looks calm and happy, especially around Sasuke. If it wasn't so weird, Kakashi might have enjoyed seeing the way they acted towards each other, but as it is, he just feels less worried than he did before.

Sasuke is as good for Naruto as Naruto has been for Sasuke. It's brought both boys out of their shells; the change is especially notable in Sasuke. He regularly smiles, and though he still doesn't laugh very often and probably couldn't be properly polite to save his life, but he seems to by trying to be and that's something at least. Though Sasuke only smiles sincerely at Naruto, his body language has gotten more relaxed and the vengeful light in his eyes has lightened, and he's less likely to snap at him or Sakura as he used to be in the very beginning.

Kakashi isn't about to dredge up bad memories unless Naruto either asks to talk to him about it, or Kakashi has reason to suspect that he needs it for some reason. The boy has already spoken to Ibiki about it, after all.

Though perhaps he should consider suggesting therapy to the boy - if there are any shinobi therapists he can trust with the Jinchuuriki's mental health. He's not too sure, since it would take so very little to create mental damage for someone as well acquainted with psychology as a therapist. And it would be very hard to prove that it was done purposely, as well.

Either way, he will be here for Naruto, should the boy need it. He'll continue to monitor the boy's mental well-being and watch for who could have hurt Naruto in the first place. Many people still look at the boy with frost in their eyes, but it took a certain type of person to actually go out of their way to rape, but not kill, a child. A certain type of sadism that Kakashi knows he'll be able to recognize if anyone ever looked at the boy that way. Again.

He is ANBU and Sasuke isn't the only one feeling the need for revenge. There are few things as dangerous as an ANBU with a chip on their shoulder.

****xxXxx****

Shikamaru watches as Ino _doesn't_ go flying at the Uchiha to hug him as soon as they see that Team Seven has entered the room. He finds it interesting that Sasuke and Naruto are together. And it's so _troublesome_ too. He didn't really want to have to think very hard about anything and here Naruto was - the troublemaker - making him _interested_ in something.

Chouji pokes him in the shoulder, "Shikamaru?"

"Troublesome," Shikamaru mutters and sighs and follows Ino over to Team Seven. Just because she didn't take Sasuke down in a flying tackle doesn't mean that she didn't wander - more like rush - over to Sakura.

And now they're giggling with each other.

Oh, how very troublesome.

Team Eight quickly joins them and Shikamaru has to butt in when Kiba is about to say something about Sasuke never rebuilding his clan. He really doesn't want to be in the middle of an Uchiha snit-fit. Especially not with Naruto in the mix as well. Naruto is so... troublesome.

He can't help it if he can't think of another word to describe the blond kid. Seriously, he could go through a thesaurus and all the adjectives he'd pick out would translate to troublesome.

Shikamaru finds that a little irritating.

Not as irritating as Ino and Sakura giggling and squee-ing over there in the corner, but irritating anyway.

"Hey, you kids should quiet down," A silver headed genin comes over to them and Shikamaru rolls his eyes. It wasn't like he was the one being loud.

Shikamaru ignores most of what goes on, not really caring, and not wanting to care too much. He is here for the exam, not to listen to some genin-failure talk and talk and talk.

The cards do catch his attention though, and he looks around at his classmates. No one is asking anything yet, so he steps forward.

"Do you have a card on yourself?" Kabuto looks at him with something strange in his eyes and Shikamaru silently curses himself. Now Shikamaru's got suspicions about this genin-failure and he can't just hold them close to his chest, he's going to have to talk with his father before he finds out that he held back information that was dangerous.

_So_ troublesome.

"Hey!" Naruto bursts out, "What about that red headed kid, the one from Suna?"

"Ahh," Kabuto murmurs to himself for a moment and then brings out a card.

Shikamaru couldn't care less about some red headed kid from Suna, so he stops listening again and turns his attention back to the ceiling. At least the ceiling is boring and doesn't pester him with _interesting_ things.

***x***

"Jeez, dude," Kiba snarls, punching Shikamaru in the shoulder lightly, "You didn't have to lock my jaw up."

Shikamaru doesn't say anything, just waits silently in line for his seating arrangement. Kiba huffs and turns away.

It's not like Kiba hates gays; seriously, he ain't that dumb, but finding out that pretty-boy Sasuke is gay? He has _so_ many one liners he wants to say!

Though, he does feel a little bad about some of them because they don't sound very nice and he'll be insulting Naruto too. He kinda likes Naruto, the little spaz.

Not like that! No, he doesn't like Naruto like that, no; just, you know, like a friend. Even Kiba isn't blind enough to miss that Naruto has very few friends.

Besides, Naruto's never been mean to Akamaru, or Kiba. Which is kinda weird for how old they are. Kiba knows that even Shino's said at least one thing about dogs and fleas and Kiba feels weird about bashing Naruto when Naruto's never done anything mean to him.

But it's totally harsh to be keeping all his put-downs about Sas-gay (Kiba has to chuckle at that one. It's so very childish, but he loves that one. He can't wait until he gets a reason to say Sasuke's name. Or maybe he'll use Sas-uke. Bah. He's totally gonna use both.) in his head just because he doesn't wanna hurt Naruto.

Then Kiba rolls his eyes. He totally doesn't have to worry about hurting Naruto because Naruto's got tough skin. He'll live through a few bad words.

Kiba chuckles again and rubs his hands together. Oh, the anticipation of getting under Sas-gay's skin! He can't wait!

****xxXxx****

Orochimaru slithers through the ground, listening as the Uchiha, the blond boy and the pink-haired girl make up the password. He jumps up lightly, sliding the pad of his thumb along his jaw and up to his lips to bite down on. He could do it in another way, he knows, but this way - getting the blond brat away from his prey and the useless girl... might be more interesting.

He smiles, licking his lips as he feels the Grass girl's chakra - still with lingering fear and loathing in the stolen skin covering his face - caress him. She hadn't put up much of a fight, and wasn't even worthy of being considered a pawn, but her fear had held a sharp, tangy taste that he almost wishes he could have savored.

When the blond boy is finally drawn off by of of his loyal summons, Orochimaru braids his finger in the sign for henge - the most basic, but still so exquisitely useful, technique - and goes to confront the two remaining children.

He can't wait to see the little Uchiha's sharingan and shivers as he wonders if it'll be as beautiful as his older brother's was. Beautiful and deadly and the tool Orochimaru wanted, needed, above all others. The way to realize his ambition and step closer to his ascension to the most complete shinobi, honed to perfection.

He draws in a deep breath and lightly jumps down to the ground in his disguised form. Time to assess his next vessel.

When Sasuke-kun recognizes that he is not the little teammate they're missing, Orochimaru is intrigued. He didn't know what he was expecting from the boy before now - and it didn't really matter, since the boy was just his future container - but he wonders if maybe he should play a little game with his prey before the boy realizes just who he is dealing with.

Or at least, before he realizes that he's nothing more than a very small mouse at the jaws of a snake.

He stuns them both with his killing intent, reveling in the sudden stench of fear that erupts from both of them as he releases it. He doesn't know if he's disappointed or amused to find that the Uchiha boy is more afraid of him than the girl is. Sasuke-kun is obviously more cognizant of the danger that lies in facing him than the girl is, but he still wishes the boy would put up more of a fight.

As it is, he's just looking around, probably for a way to escape. Or at least, that's what Orochimaru thought he was doing, but suddenly the boy turns to him and the fear lessens abruptly. Spinning red sharingan eyes meet his own and Orochimaru feels a slight - twitch, race up his spine. Something is wrong, it tells him. Something has changed or been over-looked, it hums. _Prepare yourself_, his blood boils and croons at him.

It's a familiar feeling for Orochimaru, but still one that he doesn't enjoy. He is the predator and predators don't need prey-like instincts. He's too powerful for this, now that the Akatsuki isn't an issue - don't _limit_ him - anymore.

A yellow blur flings itself into the small meadow they're at and it takes him almost a full second to realize it is the blond brat. Orochimaru is more surprised than worried that the boy has managed to take out one of his snakes, but when the blond flies at Sasuke-kun and flings his arms around the Uchiha's neck, Orochimaru can feel his eyebrows rise.

What is going on here, he wonders, sliding his tongue between his lips slowly as he watches the protective way they stand in front of each other and the girl. He wonders absently if this could be a problem, since his next vessel isn't supposed to have any obstacles to cling to when Orochimaru claimed him as his.

Well, there is only one way to find out, isn't there?

He stalks forward with gentle steps, cocking his head from side to side as he takes in the fact that the blond is actually holding onto the Uchiha's hand. He wonders if he's reading the situation right, or if he's judging with prejudice when he thinks that maybe it's not a _friend_ that will be the obstacle in this endeavor.

His lips tilt up high and a chuckle makes its way out of his throat. He flicks his tongue out to taste the air, and though he doesn't find the lust he was expecting, there is something there; some kind of disgustingly sentimental feeling, sticking like gooey glue to, and between, them both.

Orochimaru barely resists frowning. Emotions always got in the way, especially these kinds of emotions. It was very inconvenient - though perhaps it could be used to his advantage? If he aimed for the blond boy, enraging Sasuke-kun, perhaps he would be able to glean more accurately what his next vessel's abilities and limits were.

He begins simply, with a senbon; he doesn't even aim for a vital point, instead targeting the two boys entwined hands. But the blond boy immediately spins them both around, together with the girl, and dances them nimbly out of the way and up a tree. Orochimaru face twists and he slithers after them, coiling his body like a spiral around the tree trunk to give him leverage and then springing himself to the next tree over.

Waiting for him are three identical blonds - one looking scared, one looking defiant and one looking grumpy but determined - and Orochimaru nearly rolls his eyes at the childish tactics. There is no point trying to disguise oneself when the personality of the individual shines through the henge so clearly.

This time he twists, landing on two feet on the branch stretching out next to the one carrying the three blonds and flicks a kunai at the grumpy-looking one. He'll aim for Sasuke, this time.

He has a split second before the kunai hits the target and realizes almost too late that all three are suddenly wearing identical smiles - his mind spins through the options and possibilities and then his eyes widens, just in time for the _kage bunshin_ to burst into a plume of smoke.

A shock-tag to his left and a net of sharp wire to his right makes him twist around just as the other two clones descends on him - followed by a thousand more from every other direction.

Orochimaru snarls deeply and tears through them by the dozens, enraged. His prey has escaped. His prey- vessel- opportunity- _has escaped_.

He creates a few mud clones to slay the rest of the orange army and twists his head, spreading his senses to locate his escaping prey. He finds them after a few moments, moving quickly through the trees about a kilometer from Orochimaru's location.

He is a little surprised that they've gotten so far, so quickly - they were only genin, after all - but immediately shunshined ahead to intercept them. He can't shunshin the whole way, but it isn't too great of a drain for his chakra reserves to make three jumps.

He enjoys the look on their faces when he appears in front of them. The two boys move back in protective stances and the blond makes several clones to circle the female. Orochimaru let them; he cares nothing for useless baggage. His goal is in sight - practically in hand - and play time is over.

He flings kunai around them in a very particular formation and whips through handseals with ease. The blond pulls the Uchiha closer to his body and they both stand in ready stances, almost vibrating with tension. It's wonderful to see and Orochimaru grinned as the barrier snapped up around them, weaving between the trees.

Sasuke-kun shoots a kunai at one of the anchor points, but it isn't nearly a strong enough throw to upset the balance and Orochimaru grins, waiting for that moment when the two boys realize that they are well and truly trapped.

He stamps his foot in the ground and hands of soil shoot up around the boys' ankles, dragging them apart from each other. They fight back more ferociously than Orochimaru expects, and he is almost intrigued by their seeming desperation to get back together.

Not that he'll let them - he knows his presence here will only go unnoticed for a short time. For all that his former village is a bunch of pathetic tree-huggers, their security has always been excellent. It had been a surprising obstacle to bypass when he'd first gotten here, and if he hadn't known his former village as well as he did, he might not have succeeded in entering.

But no matter.

He braids his fingers together again and feels his neck elongate quickly. His prey is struggling, sharingan eyes spinning and wide. He absently hears a rumbling roar from the blond boy but pays it no mind as he sinks his fangs into the Uchiha's pale neck, enjoying the way the boy's body stiffens underneath his ministrations.

He feels the dark pulse of chakra enter the boy's bloodstream to weave tendrils of seductive power around his mind, and pulls his head away from Sasuke-kun's neck.

Suddenly there's a fist in his face, slamming him backwards and a very familiar - _feeling_ in the air, at the edge of his mind. A hungry, bloodthirsty feel that eclipses even his own, and Orochimaru turns around just in time to catch sight of another pair of red eyes.

But these eyes are feral, wild, and a shiver along his spine warns him that he should recognize this - and fear it. _Prey's instincts_, his mind - his _pride_ - snarls at him and he snaps his jaws shut in anger.

This boy will not scare him; he, who has gone beyond any shinobi in his search for immortality, who has crossed all limits and stepped out of the decaying mass of humanity to emerge as something infinitely more glorious.

He hisses deeply at the boy and is just about to use one of his more inventive jutsu to show him what the difference in ability is, and how an insect taunting someone like himself is more than a little ridiculous-

-when a kunai whizzes down to land between his feet. Orochimaru's head snaps up and not very much to his own surprise he sees his old student, Anko, perched on one of the branches in the tree directly ahead of him.

The woman is an annoyance at most, but since she's surely called for backup, Orochimaru knows he'll need to let the blond boy's punishment go, for now. The important thing is that he got what he came for. His eyes dart to the kneeling Uchiha boy, so valiantly trying to keep his screams of pain muffled.

The blond brings forth more clones - most of them gathering around Sasuke-kun - just as Anko flings herself down to attack him and Orochimaru jumps backward, making a strategic retreat. The two annoyances follow him and Orochimaru smirks.

***x***

Anko growls low in the back of her throat. "Get outta here, boy," She doesn't look away from her former sensei. She can't. If she lets him out of her sight, he'll vanish and she'll never be able to kill him.

"I can't!" The blond boy, one of Kakashi's gay boi's, she realizes, screams at her, "He marked Sasuke! I won't let him get away with marking what's _mine_!"

"Kid, you gotta back the hell off--"

"No!" Naruto growls back at her and releases his chakra and she's completely shocked by the wave of absolute hate and killing intent that she can feel.

Orochimaru slide through the tree as she watches and _his/her/it's_ face smirks. "Such a powerful boy, aren't you?" S/he says and Anko snarls, pulling Naruto around behind her.

"Naruto--"

"Hmm," Orochimaru's smirk widens and Anko curses herself for letting her former master know who it is that s/he's fighting, "Young Uzumaki Naruto," S/he licks it's lips sensually, "You were putting up quite the fight when you were defending Sasuke-kun."

"Sasuke is mine!" Naruto screams at Orochimaru and Anko finds herself having a hard time keeping the boy behind her so that she can protect him.

"Oh child," Orochimaru undulates under the attention of the Konoha shinobi, "Sasuke-kun will come to me. You know he will."

Anko tightens her grip on Naruto's shoulder, "What do you mean, he marked Sasuke?"

"He-- he did things with his tongue! And then he gave Sasuke a hickey! I saw it!" Naruto's entire face twitches, "And it's hurting him!"

One of Anko's hands flies up to her neck and she clasps her own curse mark. Damn it. What would Orochimaru want with the Uchiha?

****xxXxx****

Sakura watches over her teammates.

She can't believe how they'd fought! Even when they'd gone up against Zabuza and that fake oinin, she'd never seen anything like what she'd seen against-- Orochimaru.

She clutches the kunai to her chest tightly.

Her boys have done their jobs, now it's her turn. It's her turn to make sure that they have plenty of rest for when they wake up. Because they _are_ going to wake up, she refuses to think differently.

Sakura watches the tree-line intently, despite feeling tired enough to collapse. She's done with watching their backs as they protect her, done with being the appendix of their team's body.

She just barely manages to hinder a squirrel from getting to close to her trap and then suddenly, the fight is on. A team from Sound - the ones that hurt Kabuto-san just before the first exam - jumps out at her and she does her best to defend and use what little skills she has (too basic, too weak, her mind sneers at her) and she then she's suddenly looking at Ino's back.

Her once-rival-turned-back-to-best-friend is standing in front of her together with Shikamaru and Chouji. She's pretty sure that they won't be able to win against these guys, but she knows better than to underestimate them.

Then another Konoha genin is there, the one that Sasuke had declined to fight before the exam who wore green spandex and then there's fighting and screaming and laughing and taunting and Sakura has no idea what the hell was going on and then--

Sasuke.

Sasuke, asking her what happened to her hair. (She totally knew that he would notice. Even if he _hadn't_ been gay, he would have noticed something as hideous as her newly sheared hair.)

Sasuke, half of his face covered in black markings; markings that looked like fire.

Sasuke, hurting the Sound team so badly...

She wraps her arms around his shoulders. "Sasuke, please," Naruto will never forgive her if she lets Sasuke kill someone while he's laughing. Naruto has killed before (the boy that made snow...) but Naruto has repeatedly told her that he will never trust (or even stand by while it happens) someone killing and laughing and enjoying it. "Sasuke, please stop."

Sasuke growls and she lays her cheek on his back. "Please, for Naruto."

And it works. Well; of course it works, Sakura isn't an idiot; she knows how to manipulate people very well. That and she _so totally_ knows Sasuke's weak points. (Naruto, family, Naruto, getting stronger, Naruto...)

"Sakura-chan! Your _hair_!" Naruto's awake. Finally! She thinks, mentally rolling her eyes.

"Shut up!" She turns to him and pins him with a glare, "You're injured and shouldn't be moving! What is wrong with you people!?" She throws her hands up into the air and stalks towards the supplies they have left.

She's so _damned_ tired, but heaven help her, her boys need her up and about to bandage their wounds and probably keep Shikamaru and Ino from trying to peek in on them while they hug and cuddle and assure themselves that the other is alright and will live.

_Boys_!

****xxXxx****

Kakashi has a bad feeling about this summons. The council rarely has anything good to say to anyone, and with the spreading rumors about his two male student's engagement, Kakashi is sure that is what will be brought up here. Though he's not sure what they're going to tell him about that. Even the council usually doesn't protest clan heir's chosen partners unless for a very good reason - like the negation of that cross-village marriage in the early days of peace after the war with Iwa.

He enters the chamber room, subtly glancing around the elevated seats that make up the far side of the room. About half of them are occupied by shinobi or civilians, but not one of the clan heads are in attendance. That doesn't surprise him overly much. A council meeting only has to contain half of the council body to assimilate - but Kakashi has a feeling that this time, the clan heads have not even been informed of the meeting.

It's not illegal to do so, but it does toe the line a bit too heavily, in Kakashi's opinion.

He steps up to the middle of the room, glancing at the podium where one of the Hokage's advisors, together with ROOT's Danzo are staring down at him. The bad feeling in his stomach curls up and hitches in his throat. Anything involving that snake couldn't be anything but bad.

Outwardly, he is impassive, and he's almost amused at the flicker of annoyance in the male advisor's eyes. It's easy to tell he's not active as a shinobi, even without observing the man's un-muscled body and unaware stance. Kakashi doesn't think he's been active for decades, because it takes a long time for instincts to fade.

He wonders if Danzo is the one behind this scheme and observes him peripherally, gauging his neutrality and trying to see underneath the underneath.

He can't seem to properly focus though. He's worried about his team - it's the last day of the second exam and his team is still in the Forest. He hadn't expected them to stay behind for that long - though he's not sure what he'd expected of them. Something along the lines of, 'was caught having sex and accidentally unwrapped the scroll/was found by another team/exhausted and or injured themselves during a rough encounter' and Sakura having fainted from a nose-bleed. It's a bit disturbing for him to imagine his as of yet rather innocent student get that dreamy look on her face and then start bleeding from her nose.

Not that it mattered; he always carried tissues on his person for occasions when they might be needed by him. Or whenever Jiraiya was in the village.

"Hatake Kakashi," Homura's voice rang out, gravely in a completely different way from Ibiki, and not nearly as terrifying. So just because he could, he raises his hand in a lazy half-salute and mumbles something unintelligible in reply.

"Hatake-san, we have summoned you here for a serious matter that must be addressed imminently." Homura's voice has already turned cold, and Kakashi isn't sure whether he should consider it a success or a mistake. Not that it matters, as he's already done it, but he is suddenly unsure if it'll help his case to antagonize the men and women gathered here.

Normally he wouldn't have cared, but if they are going to try and make trouble for his two students somehow...

Kakashi takes a breath and bows a little, the touch of respect in the gesture so false it leaves an aftertaste in the back of his mouth. He knows Homura won't notice, but he's not sure about Danzo. The man is as slippery as an eel.

"What is the council's pleasure?" He asks evenly. It's the traditional opening phrase when one has been summoned, but he only used it when his sensei was in office, and even then, only rarely.

"The last Uchiha," Homura begins, his tone remarkably warmer, and Kakashi resists closing his eyes in exasperation. He knew it had to do with his kids, knew they would try to weave tendrils around the boys relationship. He should have expected it sooner, honestly, should have prepared himself for the eventuality.

"He has been drawn into some kind of - liaison, with the other... _boy_ on your team, has he not?"

Kakashi ponders how to answer that. He considers playing dumb, but figures it wouldn't work to his, or the boys, advantage in the long run. They know he is way too observant to let something like this slip by him - especially since the rumors are now all over the village.

"If you are hinting at their relationship and subsequent engagement, then yes, they do have a liaison," Kakashi says as courteously as possible and watches the angry flush that creeps up Homura's cheeks. He thinks he can see some kind of emotion in Danzo's eye as well, but over the general exclamations and mutterings at his statement, he can't focus on deciphering it. He's much too tense, but he can't help but feel like this is a battle to be fought, one he doesn't know the stakes of.

He's not a stranger to the feeling, but it's still uncomfortable, because he can't fight the council. Oh, the Hokage could override them if he wished to, but the Sandaime was a peace-keeper, a man of compromises and Kakashi knows he can't afford any dissention in the ranks of the council. The old Hokage would probably go against them in some subtle way, and if he'd been here, Kakashi would have felt a bit more secure in this position.

But he's not, and commenting on it won't do him any good, since the council technically isn't doing anything wrong.

Finally Homura slaps his palm down on the table in front of him and the noises cease. "This must stop," the man says clearly to approving nods, and Kakashi feels that ominous feeling in his stomach twist, "The Uchiha boy is much too young to understand what he is doing and clearly the other - _boy_ - must be influencing him."

There are more approving nods and grim mutterings. Kakashi catches the words 'monster' and Naruto's name several times. He fights to keep his expression neutral and composed but he is so very angry that these presumptuous old fools would slander his student.

Both his students, rather, because they are implying that Sasuke doesn't know what he's doing - that he's not intelligent enough to choose for himself. The very notion is ridiculous; if the boy could be allowed to choose the life of a killer, why wouldn't he be able to choose whom to love?

He says nothing though, because his hands are tied. It's not as if his students would be in danger if they were separated. They'd just be unhappy. And alone. Kakashi can already see them both revert to how they used to be - one cold and angry, the other faux-smiling until Kakashi's cheeks hurt just from looking at him.

"You will inform them that a liaison such as the one they are currently engaged in is inappropriate for one of Uchiha-san's status, and that it is imperative that he continues his bloodline. Surely, being such a smart boy, he will know what is at stake." Homura nods, seemingly to himself and Kakashi stares at his self-satisfied look. Nobody is protesting this abrupt decision and Kakashi feels like cursing. Or using chidori.

They want to take his students, previously possibly the most lonely genin in Konoha, and break everything they have built for themselves because they wanted Sasuke-kun to take a broodmare to carry on his bloodline. Kakashi's sharingan burns under his hitai-ate and he wonders what Obito would say to this. Probably something very inappropriate, very stupid and very fitting.

He misses his best friend more than ever, because he doesn't know what to do about this situation, doesn't know how to contest it. He doesn't have any pull on this side of the council, doesn't have any weight to throw around this battlefield.

They want to make the last of his best friend's clan into a puppet, a vessel for future generations of little red-eyed murder-machines and Kakashi hates himself - as he bows stiffly to the gathered crowd and is dismissed - and he hates his village and he hates politics.

Helpless isn't a feeling he can tolerate, and he can't remember the last time he felt this helpless.

****xxXxx****

Asuma lounges against the railing. He's heard all about Anko getting into that fight with the missing-nin in the forest and he's heard all about the seal that Orochimaru put on Sasuke's neck.

He's still rather surprised that Sasuke had admitted to the Curse Mark.

Though, he thinks as he watches Naruto sit down and pull Sasuke into his arms, given how possessive Naruto is of the Uchiha and how... he kinda hates to say it, but how seemingly _uke_ Sasuke acts around Naruto, it's not really a surprise that Sasuke wants to stay in Konoha instead of leaving to go with Orochimaru.

"Asuma-sensei?" Ino puts an indignant hand on her hip and tosses her hair over her shoulder, "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Smoking," He mutters. Ino hates that he smokes. Chouji doesn't seem to care and Shikamaru... well, it seems like he hasn't even noticed yet for all the attention he pays to the cigarette that is constantly hanging off Asuma's lips.

"We're inside, sensei!" Her voice rises almost to a shriek and Asuma is pretty glad that she only gets this loud about once a month.

Oh.

...shit.

Great. Ino + chuunin exam + that time of the month.

Not a great combo. He shakes his head and looks over to Yuhi Kurenai. Maybe she could take Ino off his hands when this happens again in a few weeks.

Kurenai's hips cock to the side as she leans against the railing. Asuma follows the movement from her hips down her legs.

He's always been a leg man.

His eyes get drawn back up and he focuses on her chest for a moment before continuing to her eyes. (He's always been a boob man too, but keeps that part wrapped up tight. He finds that kunoichi like guys who like legs more than guys who like boobs.)

A thought crosses his mind, now that he's thinking about Sasuke and Naruto and what he likes about women.

His gaze turns to the male shinobi in the room. Hmm. Not much that catches his interest.

Well, granted, he rarely indulges in looking at the same sex for sexual partners and he has yet to find something about a guy that would get him into bed with a man.

He's not interested in overly tall people, he likes to cradle a girl to his chest so that cuts out a lot of the guys in the arena.

He vaguely listens to/watches the matches.

Kay, so none of the tall guys. What about hair? His eyes narrow as he tries to imagine what kind of hair he likes on sexual partners. Not short, he thinks, and dark. That cuts out maybe half of the guys left and he's down to two of the chuunin in the room.

Hayate and Iruka. (Genma was in the running, but he's too damned tall for Asuma to consider with more than a brush-by thought of: _he's pretty good looking_.)

Iruka is way to... masculine. He likes the hair and the legs, but not enough to be having sex with him. (Iruka's shoulders are too wide, really. That's kind of a big turn off for Asuma.)

And Hayate is way too involved with Yugao. Not that he would ever find himself in bed with Hayate anyway, seeing as he doesn't really like the sick look that the man has going on with him.

In the end, he thinks he's decided (once again) that he's pretty much completely straight. He can appreciate how a man looks (like Genma), but he'd never end up having sex with one. A completely random thought of rubbing another guy off while screwing him enters his mind and makes his face twist up as he turns his attention back to the matches, just in time to watch Ino go down to the arena to fight Sakura.

Oh joy, he thinks, rolling his eyes. _Cat-fight_. Way to make kunoichi look bad.

****xxXxx****

Neji's eyes dart up towards the bleachers, where the Uchiha and Uzumaki are standing next to each other, watching the fight between him and Hinata-sama. He shouldn't allow himself to be so distracted in the midst of a fight, especially not when it's against this particular opponent. The Main family's princess, the representation of the cage he's been forced into since he was four.

He slams a flat palm against his cousin's stomach, closing all tenketsu within reach and making her cough up blood. And it should be satisfying - it should, and he's not sure why it isn't...

Just that Uzumaki is gripping the rail with white-knuckled fists, frowning and glaring. The Uchiha is holding onto his shoulder, frowning at the blond worriedly and glaring down at Neji.

He shouldn't care, because the Uchiha has nothing to do with him... and his low-born partner, even less so. What does it matter to him if Uzumaki looks to be one second away from jumping down there to save the princess?

Despite that, the next time he has the perfect reach to end the fight, he twists just a little and closes the tenketsu's in Hinata's right arm. He can't say for sure why the feeling of Uzumaki's blue eyes glaring at him makes his stomach turn. Frankly, it's just ridiculous; the boy was a nobody before the Uchiha decided to claim him.

And now he's taken, anyway. Not that he's actually contemplating some kind of... liaison... because he's not. And even if he was, he could never compete against the Uchiha for the blond's favor. Not only could the Uchiha use his influence - because he did have influence, even if it isn't as much as it will be when he grows older - to punish him for such a presumption... but from the way Uzumaki lets himself be drawn into a tight embrace, it would be a fruitless endeavor, anyway.

Still, he can't help but try to keep this fight less - bloody, than he would have liked it to be. He doesn't show the Main House what he can do, doesn't show the princess how useless she truly is; he just slams his palms into her body hard and skillfully enough to force her into unconsciousness.

Uzumaki isn't glaring down at him anymore, but it's not like that actually matters, anyway.

*****xxXXxx*****


	7. Exam Part 2

**Title: **Chapter Six: _Exam, Part 2_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash, some language. Political shenanigans.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

We do not advocate or approve of suicide. We do not find it funny. None of the characters in this fic were actually thinking about killing themselves, it just seemed that way to a defeatist!Kakashi.

**Notes:** We know it's been a while since we've updated this fic, but have no fear, we'll never forget about this hilariousness :D Maybe a bit more angsty then the other chapters, but still with the humor undertones :) This is part one of this chapter. It got so long we had to split it :)

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*****xxxXXXxxx*****

Gai watches his Eternal Rival's students as they enter the preliminary match arena. He's not surprised that Kakashi entered his team into the very first chuunin exam after their graduation to genin.

It's not that he thinks his Eternal Rival is pushing his team, but perhaps Kakashi could maybe consider how the girl, at the very least, feels about fighting this intense.

After all, even his Most Youthful kunoichi, Tenten was rather delicate after her immediate graduation, even for a dedicated worker such as herself.

"Gai." Kakashi murmurs, flickering in beside him.

"My Eternal Rival, I see that your Youthful team has Gloriously passed the Second Exam!" Gai is pretty good at hiding his feelings, but his description of Kakashi's team, that one word _Youthful_, may have come out a bit more stressed than it usually is.

"Hai." Kakashi seems very down.

It's a disturbing thing for him to notice to notice.

He wonders briefly what the reason is and then shoves the thought to the side. He has Youthful Fights to Watch!

Unfortunately for Gai, as he quickly finds out, most the Fights are Uninspired. He certainly doesn't miss the fact that after the Uchiha's fight, Uzumaki had followed his sensei and lover out of the arena hall. He isn't sure what is going on with that, but he is willing to set it aside until Kakashi needs to talk.

The fight between the Beautiful Flowers of Konoha's Youthful Ladies is a very high disappointment for him. He makes a mental note to talk with Asuma about taking Ino for a few weeks under his tutelage. It will do the Youthful Woman well. Sakura is almost as bad, but even he can see that it is only lack of training and not lack of ambition.

He's pretty sure that Sakura came into her own in the Forest. The Second Exam is known for bringing a genin's strength to the forefront. He's glad to see that Sakura understands that.

Watching his Darling Student fighting the Suna kunoichi is invigorating! He cheers at the end, unable to keep his joy in Tenten's best fight as of yet to himself. He wants her to know how well she did. He praises her, inter-spacing his Bright Words with Notices of Caution for her next fight and she thanks him, as she always does.

He'll break her of her need to thank people for the littlest thing soon enough. He knows she's close to the edge already.

Shikamaru's fight reminds Gai of his father very much. Even down to that Unyouthful 'Troublesome' that Shikaku likes to use. He isn't surprised at all that the Youthful Boy wins. (The bells had been fairly obvious, after all.)

When Naruto's name is called out, there is a moment of confusion and then the boy appears in the door. Gai is pretty damned sure that he saw a yellow light just as Naruto stepped though the door, looking calm as you please, but he isn't going to tell anyone, since no one else seemed to notice it.

Gai wonders how long the boy has known his father's Hiraishin, but isn't going to question him. Naruto has far too much on his plate for such an inconsequential question. Just knowing that Naruto knows the Hiraishin makes Gai want to break out into paroxysms of _Youthful Glory!_ but Gai is shinobi, so he doesn't. If Naruto is hiding his abilities for a reason, than Gai isn't going to mess that up for him.

Kiba makes a few remarks to Naruto about being homosexual and one of Gai's eyes starts twitching. The boy is being particularly aggravating. Doesn't he know when to keep his mouth shut? Gai knows when not to say anything, for all that it seems he doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth. Otherwise he'd never have made it to jounin.

Inuzuka Hana, who is standing in one of the dark corners as a chuunin examiner, winces at her little brother's Violation of Acceptable Etiquette. Not to mention, Shinobi Rule Twelve.

Given that the Inuzuka has just revealed to every foreign shinobi in the arena that Naruto is gay - and has a lover, even if Kiba didn't mention a name - everyone knows immediately that even if Naruto doesn't beat him in the pre-lim fight and Kiba continues on to the Exhibition fights, no one is going to be voting for him to pass to chuunin.

A shinobi never reveals secrets about comrades.

That UnYouthful Boy, Gai thinks to himself, so sure of himself and so phobic.

But Naruto shakes the insults off and laughs _with_ the Inuzuka. It makes Gai cheer loudly for Naruto's Self Acceptance and Surety.

The fight between them is over quickly and that seems to startle most of the chuunin and jounin in the room. Kakashi and the Uchiha arrive just in time for the end of the fight and Gai does notice that Naruto's abilities don't seem to upset Kakashi, though Gai thinks that even if Kakashi knows that Naruto is far above this level, he probably doesn't know about Naruto's Hidden Ace.

His second student's fight goes Very Badly. Neji-kun is not Youthful at all, though Gai does see how Naruto _and_ Sasuke are glaring at Neji for his horrid behavior towards his cousin.

Perhaps Naruto is a good influence on clan members, Gai thinks. He's managed to get Sasuke to be polite and he's stopped Neji from killing his cousin by just watching the fight.

When Neji practically stomps his way over to the team, Gai sees something he'd never thought he'd see in the Hyuga. A blush.

Neji has a crush.

On Naruto.

... Oh, this can only End Badly. Gai is sure that if Neji challenges Sasuke for a chance to win Naruto from him, there will be blood and death because there is No Way in Hell that the Uchiha is going to give Naruto up.

Stopping Gaara from killing Lee scares Gai. Not because he has to step in, but because Naruto also steps in.

"Lee," Gai grabs the standing, unconscious boy so he doesn't fall over. He can immediately tell that Lee has a lot of broken bones. More broken bones than most shinobi can stand to fight with.

He's insanely proud that Lee continued through the pain. (Not that it will help him become chuunin since shinobi need to know when to quit, but still - So Youthful!)

Naruto looks over his shoulder to them and gives them a nod.

Gai turns his back on the red head from Suna and walks away with Lee in his arms.

Shinobi never turn their back on an enemy, unless someone was covering their six.

Gai trusts Naruto to protect him and his student from Sabaku no Gaara.

****xxXxx****

Hana cants her hip to the side, leaning on the edge of the kitchen table, waiting patiently for her little brother to show up. She's still in her gear, having just returned from the preliminary rounds of the chuunin exams. Her little brother's fight had been rather impressive for a genin; his skills are solid and his communication with Akamaru has progressed smoothly.

One day, he'll be a very good shinobi, Hana suspects. Not that she'd tell him that; Kiba's ego is a little too big as it is. And if she did compliment him, there is no way he wouldn't immediately run off at the mouth for anyone who cared to listen to him - and a lot who didn't - about his skills and about how awesome a shinobi he already is.

And that's partially the reason she's standing here, waiting for him to return. She won't offer him congratulations on a good showing, despite her wish to do so. Because her little brother's conduct was a serious breach for a genin, never mind a chuunin. She's always known he was brash - hell, their whole family is brash, and quite proud of it too, because they know how to use it against their enemies, and for their friends.

But that was no excuse for Kiba to turn that brashness and allow his mouth to rule his head. No excuse for the breach of the Uzumaki pup's privacy in front of a crowd of onlookers both native and foreign. Because although Uzumaki is only a genin yet, there is no way the matter of his sexuality wouldn't be recorded in one form or another.

She had thought Kiba had understood about never revealing anything potentially useful to an enemy, no matter how lightly Kiba himself thought of the subject. It is always better to be cautious with intelligence, because information about things pertaining to one's life outside the shinobi forces is the most useful kind for an enemy spy.

Fighting skills and bloodlimits are bound to get known to the enemy - which is why these exams could be held in the first place - but personal information, quirks, habits and idiosyncrasies, are guarded by allies because these are things that revealed _personal_ weaknesses and targets rather than flaws in technique. There is a reason most shinobi never married in large public ceremonies the way most civilians do; a spouse is often considered a weakness - especially if the spouse is a civilian or low-ranking ninja - and is always one of a shinobi's first targets.

She's been on missions with that purpose - hadn't liked it; no one did - and it was the most effective way of destabilizing the partner they were trying to weaken. This was why, even though the Uzumaki's and the Uchiha heir's liaison was all but common knowledge inside Konoha, that piece of information hadn't leaked out yet. Well, that and the fact that the two boys aren't of high enough rank for the information to be deemed as dangerous and subsequently classified.

The fact that the heir of a clan is courting the jinchuuriki did make the risk higher for this information to matter some day, though; which is why her little brother's indiscretion is so unseemly. There are many people who coveted the sharingan - or bloodlimits in general - and clan members are always at a higher risk of being captured for the abilities. Uzumaki's status as a jinchuuriki isn't well-known though, S-class secret as it were, so for now he's just a clanless orphan.

For now. She doesn't know for sure who his father was, but she isn't blind or willfully ignorant, and greatness is oftentimes hidden. Oh, Hana knew the boy was regarded as an idiot, but not everyone blossomed early. The fact that he could beat Kiba - who had been trained in his clan's techniques and fighting-style since he could walk - especially considering his seemingly unrefined taijutsu, spoke a lot about the boy's potential as a shinobi and Hana was far from the only one who could see that.

So this would be noted down and kept until the boy became a threat large enough to warrant someone from another nation's shinobi forces to target him - probably someone from the Seduction corps of ANBU - and while it obviously wasn't a sure thing that they would succeed, the fact that Kiba's slip of the tongue could potentially bring about the downfall of _one of their own_ was a disgrace for the whole clan.

They wouldn't show their disapproval publicly, but within the compound walls, Kiba would probably feel a lot more coldness directed towards himself than he was used to as the Alpha's pup. Their mother had been on the verge of an apocalyptic fit of rage when Hana had told her what happened, and the only reason she wasn't the one to meet Kiba at the door when he arrived was because she'd been to angry to consider herself capable of explaining to Kiba exactly what he'd done wrong and why without taking him by the scruff of his neck and shaking some sense into him.

Loyalty was everything to the Inuzuka, and Tsume was the one who had, even before her ascent to Alpha, been the epitome of that ferocious loyalty. The fact that her own pup was the one unable to keep his mouth shut reflected badly on her as the pack leader, and hurt as a mother. Hana knew that.

Kiba had always been a bit of a loose canon, but it had never been a true problem before now. They'd all expected him to grow out of it once he realized his responsibility as a shinobi, but obviously that hadn't happened, even with his teammates and sensei there to set examples (nobody set an example of calmness as an Aburame, and the girl was the only genuinely respectful Hyuga Hana has ever met).

She'd been tempted to blame Kureni-sensei for Kiba's lack of knowledge about simple facts like not giving potential enemies hand-outs - Kurenai was a newly minted jounin with less experience and reputation than most of the other jounin sensei - but she knew that wasn't fair. Kurenai was a capable sensei and even if she had never had commented on the issue before, Kiba should have understood that on his own.

But the sad possibility was that the teacher probably had spoken to the team about it, and Kiba just hadn't been listening. Or worse, hadn't been able to put a practical application to the caution. The first was a flaw of manners and could easily be corrected but the second was more of a sign that her little brother wasn't as flexible as he should be, which would mean that Hana would need to pound the basics into the pup's ears again until he understood that everything Academy student's read or was lectured about had real-life applications that they'd be expected to use as genin.

The door opens with a click and a gust of wind bears her brother's and Akamaru's personal scents into the kitchen. The puppy is barking quietly and Kiba laughs at something Akamaru does; probably licking him. Hana remembers a time her little brother had been no larger than the small puppy and at the memory she feels her anger soften into a slowly burning ember instead of an ignited spark.

That can't be allowed to happen. Kiba needs to understand how serious this matter is, or he wouldn't make an effort to understand and change his behavior. And if he didn't do that, he frankly shouldn't be trusted as a shinobi - a terrible blow indeed, to both Kiba, the family and the clan as a whole.

"Otouto?" she barks when she hears his approach in the corridor. Likely he wanted to wash Akamaru and then wolf something down before going to his room to sulk at his loss.

"Nee-chan?" Kiba sticks his head through the door, looking tired and a bit wary at being called in such a harsh voice. The color of his cheek markings seem almost faded and Hana is dismayed to feel her anger soften further. She's a shinobi though, so she can act the anger out - because it needs to be there - without actually feeling it.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" she asks, setting her jaw against his rather innocently confused expression. Kiba still knows so little about the world, is still such a child in her eyes. Compared to the Uchiha's and Uzumaki's eyes - which bear the shadows of a troubled past - Kiba's eyes are still bright with childhood.

But he's a shinobi, and there isn't much place for childhood in their occupation. At least, not when it interferes with the shinobi side of life.

"About what?" Kiba asks, taking a step towards her. Hana makes a downward slash with her hand, warning him to stay where he is.

"About revealing information about a comrade to potential enemies," she snaps out harshly, telling him in the hardest terms she knows, what exactly he's done. Her little brother's mouth opens, baffled and indignant, but she growls at him and his jaws snap shut with a click.

"Sis - what are you talking about? I haven't done anything -" he begins and she realizes that he hasn't even considered that revealing the information might have been bad. It's not that he deemed it too useless, but rather that it didn't even occur to him that it could have been bad.

She's not sure if it upsets or relieves her. Cluelessness can be more dangerous than outright sabotaging even, and a chuunin can't afford to be ignorant about these matters.

"Your match with the Uzumaki," she hints, wanting him to realize it himself, wanting him to show that he does understand if only he gets a little nudge in the right direction.

"I haven't revealed anything to Naruto! And what the hell; he's a friend not a 'potential enemy'!" Kiba shouts and Hana wants to throw her arms up in frustration or maybe smack him. Maybe her little brother was dropped on the head to many times as a young pup; that's the only explanation she can think of. Kiba is a little dense, but he's usually not this thickheaded.

"You're not one of those people who hate him for no reason, are you?" Kiba looks at her, seriousness overtaking his youthful expression for a moment, and Hana almost loses her breath. She's seen that look on her father's face, a long time ago, and she'd never expected to see it again. For that matter, the fact that he's noticed how few people look kindly at the blond does speak in his favor... and makes it even more incomprehensible that he'd so badly misunderstand what was appropriate to allow foreign shinobi to know about him.

"Not to the Uzumaki; _about_ him," she growls finally, teeth clacking together in annoyance when she realizes that he's all but accused her of being prejudiced. She doesn't think the Uzumaki is a monster; in fact, she has no opinion at all about him, since as she's only ever seen him from a distance. She knows of his reputation as a troublemaker, of course, but that's about it.

"What are you talking about?" Kiba asks again, blinking rapidly. Akamaru whines something Hana doesn't quite catch and then the boy frowns.

"Mate? What - oh, the Uchiha?" He rolls his eyes up to look at the puppy on his head, who barks a little in reply.

"Yes," Hana snarls and watches with some measure of satisfaction as Kiba takes a step back. "The Uchiha's relationship with the Uzumaki."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Hana continues, "Do you even remember Shinobi Rule Twelve or have you completely forgotten everything you've been taught?" She speaks slowly as if to an addle-brained child and Kiba puffs up with indignant anger. All Hana can think is that her little brother really will have to relearn the basics if he really can't remember the rules.

Kiba looks confused and Hana almost blows her fuse when before he answers; "Shinobi Rule Twelve? 'A shinobi must never compromise a comrade'," his tone precise and clear. It's a relief that her little brother isn't quite as clueless as she'd thought him to be; more of a relief than she's really willing to admit.

"And do you not realize that releasing _personal information _about a comrade to a room _full of __foreign shinobi _would count as 'compromising a comrade'?" Hana snaps, voice as rolling thunder and teeth bared in an animalistic of rage.

Kiba blinks once, blinks twice - and then pales. He loses color so quickly he's almost ashen within ten seconds and Hana feels a flicker of concern before he manages to stabilize himself. Well. He finally understands, anyway, though it took much longer than it should have.

"Oh- about- their relationship? What I said-" he asks, voice weak and tremulous. Hana snaps her teeth together, running a tongue over her canines and then nods seriously, forcing the anger to yield to the purpose of having Kiba understand just how important this is.

"Yes, Kiba. _What you said_ - had you been of any higher rank, that could have been constituted as treason! At the very least, the Hokage would have demoted you," she rumbles softly, pitching her voice in the same way their mother does sometimes when she wants to make sure to get a point across.

Kiba staggers to a chair, breathing harshly. Perhaps the reality of the situation has finally sunken in.

"I didn't mean- I was just joking -" he rambles and looks up at her with beseeching eyes. Hana keeps her face stony, even as her chest contracts a little at his forlorn expression.

"That's not an excuse," she says and Kiba slumps in the chair, head in his hands. Akamaru whines lowly jumping down to the table to buff at Kiba's face with his nose. Her little brother gathers the puppy in his arms, stroking his fur gently, as if trying to ground himself.

"Mother- is she- ?" he looks up tentatively and Hana feels her brow crease. Kiba's eyes close, like he's preparing for a blow he can't avoid and Hana sighs.

"She's very angry, yes. The angriest I've seen her for a long time."

It's the truth, an Kiba needs to face that. He made the bed, unintentionally though it was, and now he'll have to lie in it.

"I disappointed you," Kiba mutters quietly and Hana eyeballs him in a serious manner. He's clenching his hands to fists, staring down at the tabletop without really seeing it.

"Yes, you did. I thought you knew better than this."

"I'm sorry, it won't- it won't happen again," Kiba swallows convulsively and Hana nods.

"It better not happen again, Otouto, because the next time you do, you'll probably be demoted to the academy - or thrown out of the forces all together," she says seriously and Kiba's eyes widen at the implicated consequences of his indiscretion.

"Thrown out?" he asks weakly, repeating the word as if they were hard to understand. Akamaru yips unhappily as Kiba squeezes him for comfort.

"We can't have leaks in our own ranks, you do understand that, no?" Hana asks, a bit of harshness creeping back into her voice, tinting her tone with a barely-there growl.

"As it is, even if you had beaten the Uzumaki kid and gone on to the final round, you wouldn't have been promoted," she continues when he says nothing, and Kiba's eyes widen in realization and horror. His win would have been for nothing, because shinobi need a good head on their shoulders more than pure brawn.

She tells him as much and he nods frantically. Satisfied that he's understood the situation, she plucks a book from the shelf behind her.

_Shinobi 101: the Basics_. It's the first book an Academy student is given to read when they first enter the Academy and Hana is half-expecting Kiba to protest being ordered to read it again.

He doesn't, though, but sits down quietly, looking to be preparing himself for a long stay.

****xxXxx****

Kabuto kneels to the ground, face set in perfect neutrality as he waits for Orochimaru to acknowledge his presence. He doesn't know why he's been summoned; nothing had gone wrong with their plans, their spies were still in place, Kabuto himself hadn't been discovered... but there was no doubt his master was displeased. And Orochimaru's displeasure was always painful for anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity.

"Kabuto..." he hisses, and the teen doesn't know how Orochimaru can hiss out his name when it doesn't contain any S's. It never stops sounding sinister, and while he's used to that, and used to the knife edge he dances across as Orochimaru's right hand he still has to stop himself from tensing noticeably. It would probably just amuse his master, but he refuses to show any weaknesses where Orochimaru can see them.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" he asks calmly, remaining in his kneeling position even as he feel's the snake Sannin's eyes slide across his body. He's not sure if he should be grateful that Orochimaru doesn't appear mad at him or concerned that he's captured the man's interest. Having Orochimaru be interested in you is oftentimes more dangerous than having him as your enemy, Kabuto knows very well.

"I have a mission for you," he says, pausing. Kabuto can almost hear the pleasure in his voice when the pale man permits him to rise and holds back any kind of response he might have wanted to make. He's in this man's service presently, and this is where he needs to remain at all costs until...

"How may I serve you?"

"I have a mission for you," Orochimaru repeats sharply after a brief pause. Kabuto sees the man's eyes narrow and wonders what it is that his master will require of him. It's unusual for the snake Sannin to draw out any of his orders this way unless he's in a playful – sadistic – mood, and it's very obvious that that is not the case today.

"The Uzumaki brat," the pale man continues, still watching Kabuto avidly through slitted eyes. "Have you heard?"

And there is a test in those words that Kabuto sidesteps with a prompt nod. Even if he wasn't there at the prelims, he'd had one of the Sound boys tell him what the jinchuuriki's match had been like, since that was potentially interesting to his _other_ master. And after that he'd just listened to the village gossip, which told him even more.

"The Uchiha and Uzumaki's liaison?" he asks lightly, watching carefully as Orochimaru's eyes darken to a molten, sickly yellow color. All right, so for whatever reason, that put an obstacle in the snake Sannin's path.

Ah. but of course. The relationship would probably be a reason for the Uchiha heir to remain where he was and thus out of Orochimaru's grasp. And for the snake Sannin to be this angry about it, the feelings the Uchiha had for the jinchuuriki were apparently strong enough for him to be able to override the Curse Seal's planted impulses.

"Yesss," Orochimaru hisses, drawing out the word to sound like an expletive and Kabuto nods again, painting sympathy across his face. His master's mouth elongates in a smile, the tip of a pink tongue sliding between the upper and lower lip in anticipation.

Disease curls in Kabuto's stomach and he wonders what the Sannin will order him to do that he finds so amusing.

"I'd like for you to break them up," Orochimaru says faux-courteously, like he's making a request, "I would like for them to remain apart." His tone is a mockery, but Kabuto doesn't react to it. He's used to his master's games.

"In any particular way?" Kabuto asks carefully. There is something Orochimaru wants him to do - this is not a free reign mission, no matter that the Sannin hasn't indicated anything.

"Which way do you think would work the best?" Orochimaru asks, a queer gleam in his eyes. Sometimes Kabuto wonders if the madness made the snake Sannin more perceptive, more intelligent and resourceful, rather than acting as a hindrance.

The best shinobi are always a bit mad. Some thrive in it, others lose themselves. Kabuto isn't sure which category Orochimaru fits into.

Focusing on the pale man's question, Kabuto's mind spins in circles and squiggles, trying to anticipate what answer the Sannin wants from him. The correct answer. The sadistic answer; or the most humiliating.

"...You wish for me to seduce one of them?" Kabuto asks, not quite daring to be so presumptuous as to state the answer with certainty. He's not sure what he feels when Orochimaru's smile widens; as far as he knows, the man is only interested in immortality and in collecting jutsu – sex, romantic entanglements (fake or otherwise), friendship or even camaraderie hasn't ever been encouraged by the Sannin.

But then - when Orochimaru raises his non-existent eyebrows in silent affirmation - it's not like the Sannin actually cares about the relationship he wants Kabuto to cultivate, just the improved chances of Sasuke coming to him of his own volition.

"Which one is to be the intended target for this seduction?" Kabuto asks, tilting his head. He doesn't usually do seduction missions, because while he's handsome enough, there are shinobi under Orochimaru's command more handsome than he and more experienced in this particular area of work.

He suspects the reason he has been handpicked for this is because he's one of the few people who know exactly why Orochimaru wants the boy; Kimimaro, the poor boy, is much too sick to be of use even if he hadn't carried his clan's distinctive markings. The Sound Four consist of three rather ugly and highly unstable persons and the last, while pretty, is a girl.

Kabuto's lips almost twitch at the fact that the most beautiful member of the Sound Four is the one with the least chance of completing the mission. There is a rather interesting dose of irony in that, as well as the fact that the Uchiha clan will never be revived even if Orochimaru hadn't been determined to have Sasuke as a host.

"I should think -" Orochimaru pauses, slowly running his tongue along his upper lip, "Whichever one you want, Kabuto-kun," he purrs lowly, drawing his tongue back in.

Kabuto doesn't know if he's offended at the suggestion that he might be attracted to either of the boys - which is clearly the man's intention - or if Orochimaru thinks that suggesting his possible homosexuality would disgust Kabuto.

He's not attracted to men – or boys -, but he's a good ninja, an even better medic and an excellent actor – he can fake _anything_.

That being said; from what intel he's gathered about the relationship in the short few days after the Inuzuka boy's outbursts at the preliminary exams, the Uchiha boy is what is apparently commonly called the 'uke' in the relationship, meaning the 'bottom' or the 'receiver'.

If possible, he'd prefer being in the dominating role, as it gave him more room to lead the interactions as he wanted them to go and was less of a risk for him.

"The Uchiha," he murmurs carefully, watching the expressions flicker across the pale man's face before Orochimaru nods, once.

Kabuto isn't sure if he likes how easily his master acquiesced, but says nothing.

****xxXxx****

Sasuke stares at Kakashi in horror. He's so shocked that he can't even hide the horror he feels.

"Leave- leave Naruto?" He asks, stuttering. Naruto grips his shoulders tightly and refuses to let go, "I-I can't leave Naruto, he's _everything_ to me..." He trails off.

Naruto hugs him close and stares at their teacher before lowering his eyes. Sasuke has never seen him so defeated before. "It's the council, isn't it?" Kakashi nods and Sasuke doesn't know what his cousin means. Why would the council want them apart? "Damn it," Naruto curses and pushes Sasuke away from him, steps away from him.

Sasuke blinks and reaches out a hand to his cousin and Naruto takes it briefly before letting him go and walking away.

"Naruto?" Sasuke feels so confused. What does the council have to do with separating them?

Naruto spins and pins him with a look he's never seen before, "I'm so sorry, Sasuke. I never even gave a single thought to the council; how they were react to this other than..." He stops speaking and Sasuke wonders what he was going to say.

"Why are they so against this?" Sasuke asks, lost, looking from his teacher to his cousin for answers. He doesn't understand, not really.

"Sasuke," Naruto's face softens and he comes back to the Uchiha, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and hugging him close. Closer than before, "Remember- Do you remember what I told you? When I told you for the very first time that I love you?"

Sasuke's mind goes back and he thinks and thinks and suddenly it's there.

Kyuubi.

Of course the council doesn't want the last (loyal) Uchiha to be related to the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki.

But... they don't know that he and Naruto are related. They're hiding it, right? So then... why are they so mad?

***x***

Kakashi watches his students closely. He knew that this news was going to really hurt them, but he hadn't realized that it was going to break Sasuke, hadn't expected Sasuke to be the one most affected by it.

"Naruto-" Sasuke murmurs to Naruto and starts to drag him away. Kakashi catches Naruto and Sasuke's shirt sleeves, one in each hand, before they manage to get very far. He can't let them escape.

But they look at him and he drops their sleeves. This may be the last time they're together, and he can't stand in the way of that.

Naruto draws Sasuke off and he watches from afar as they talk quietly. It's a surprise when Sasuke seems to get angry and Naruto can't calm him down.

There are several moments where Kakashi feels tense and then Sasuke sighs and sits back down, nodding along with whatever Naruto is saying though his face has the coldest expression Kakashi has ever seen Sasuke direct at Naruto.

Then Naruto leaves. It's a surprise that he does, Kakashi had thought that Naruto would fight this, would give it his all to resist the decree. And Sasuke looks so very alone, sitting in the middle of a training field by himself, his face twisting after the Uchiha is sure Naruto is gone, as though he is trying not to cry.

Gathering his courage, Kakashi heads towards him. He's the only one who knows exactly how much Naruto means to Sasuke and he still doesn't believe that Naruto has just left his lover, the love of his life, sitting alone with no one to help him through this.

But maybe Naruto knew that Kakashi was sticking around, that Kakashi was there to help.

But if he helps Sasuke, who's going to be there for Naruto?

As he gets closer to Sasuke, he can hear the boy muttering under his breath. The words he hears practically stop his heart.

"-can't _not_ have him, he's part of me, part of Uchiha, can't be without him, don't care what people think, don't care what they say, don't care what they do - can't _lose_ him. I don't want to let him go- can't let him go. He's everything. Can't - _won't_ live without Naruto anymore, can't stand not having him with me -"

He sees Sasuke's hand fall to his weapons pouch and he rushes the last three steps, grabbing Sasuke's body and hugging him close. He doesn't really care how it looks for him to be hugging his thirteen year old student; he can't let Sasuke think that Naruto is the be all and end all of his life.

"You can live without him, Sasuke, you _can_," He stresses the last word, whispering into Sasuke's ear. If there's one thing that Kakashi fears most of all, it's losing another friend, losing another teammate. He can't lose Sasuke, and he can't lose him to _suicide_ of all the possible deaths out there.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke hiccups his name, trying to keep back tears. "I can't live without Naruto, not after finding him, not after knowing him so intimately. He's- he's everything to me now. He's all I have left."

"Shh," Kakashi rocks the boy back and forth, "You can live without him. He'll still be here, you just can't be so close with him, you just can't be... intimate with him." Kakashi's never had to talk someone down from suicide before and he doesn't know what he's doing. He hopes that he's not making it worse.

"He left me! He's trying to protect me and he told me - told me about what he was doing! But I don't care! I don't care that he used me like that! He loves me; I know that he loves me too much to let me go!"

Kakashi wonders what Sasuke means when he says Naruto used him, because he can't make sense of it. Naruto loves Sasuke with his entire heart; he's taken a deadly poison for him, he's killed for him, he's fought Orochimaru for him. He cuddles Sasuke to his chest and wonders what he is supposed to say, supposed to do to help.

He wants to help so badly.

And there is a thought forming that tells him that maybe he can. Maybe, if Sasuke is serious about killing himself if he can't be with Naruto, he can use that to dissuade the council, make them rescind their decision so that Sasuke won't have to lose Naruto.

"Naruto loves you, Sasuke," he whispers to the boy in his arms, "He loves you so much that he's willing to let you go." That can be the only reason that Naruto would leave Sasuke. He knows that Naruto is far too possessive to let Sasuke go for anything else.

"But- he left," Sasuke mutters into Kakashi's vest through near silent sniffles, "He told me that he was sorry, that he never meant to hurt me... and then he left."

***x***

Naruto hides himself away in the forest, knowing that he's hurt his cousin deeply without meaning to. He never meant for the prank to go this far, he never meant for Sasuke to be hurt by it.

It was supposed to be funny, he was supposed to be able to tell Sasuke when he wanted - not when he was forced to - that he was pranking the village, making them think that they were romantically involved. He hadn't wanted to ruin his relationship with Sasuke, not like this, not by his hand being forced into telling Sasuke what was going on.

He tries to think of the way he would have told Sasuke in an ideal world. For the life of him, he can't. When he realizes that he never planned for when he would tell Sasuke, he wonders how long it would have gone on, wonders how long it could have gone on without Sasuke hating him more and more once he finally did find out.

Not very long, he thinks.

But now Sasuke knows - _and hates him for it_ - and he doesn't know what he's going to do. He told Sasuke what the council thought, told him what he'd done.

Told him that it was a prank.

Told him that there were practical applications (Itachi) to the misconstrued relationship.

And then he couldn't stand to look into Sasuke's betrayed eyes any longer, so he'd left.

He wonders if he'll ever get his family back.

He doubts he will.

And realizing the odds of ever getting Sasuke back in his life, he flickers to Sasuke's house and packs his bags. Sasuke won't want him here anymore. He tries to think of where he can go, but nothing comes to mind.

It had been nice, while it lasted.

The last thing that he packs up is the ninjatō he stole from the ANBU HQ after the massacre.

He sits silently in one of the large Konoha trees, just outside of the walls and sharpens his ninjatō. His single bag of personal belongings (because most of what he has now was bought for him by Sasuke and he can't take what isn't really his) sits beside him, mocking him.

He doesn't have an apartment anymore - he'd given that up when Sasuke asked him to move in. He doesn't have Sasuke anymore - he'd lost him because of his own stupid mistakes. He doesn't have anything anymore - and that hurts.

****xxXxx****

Inoichi rubs at his cheek in irritation. Damn council, getting involved in matters they don't actually have a say in.

But there is nothing anything he can do about it, not unless he has unwavering support of every other major clan. And the Hokage.

Nothing against the Professor, really, but he's a little old to be dealing with everything that he _should_ be dealing with.

"Inoichi?" Shikaku slides into the back room of Inoichi's family flower shop, "You called for me?"

"I'm having a problem with this decision that the council has made."

Shikaku nods, understandingly. Inoichi is just glad that he has a friend that understands him so quickly. "I see. And you aren't letting your personal feelings get involved?"

Inoichi snorts, "I have personal feelings?" He asks with humor that falls a little flat.

Shikaku just looks at him and raises an eyebrow, "Toshi-kun?" He says and Inoichi winces.

Obviously the man would bring that up.

But that had been a long time ago and Shikaku knows that.

"No, Shika, my personal feelings aren't getting involved in this." Just because he'd once had a male lover before he'd gotten married doesn't mean that he's letting his heart get all twisted up imagining the situation with the Uchiha and Naruto happening to himself and Toshiaki.

Really.

It's not like he's comparing himself to the Uchiha, being expected to marry and have many happy clan babies, and Toshi as Naruto, the street kid who no one would approve of even if he'd been female.

"Okay," Shikaku nods again and just like that, Inoichi knows that even if Shikaku doesn't believe him, he'll set that topic to the side for Inoichi's sake. "So, you do realize that to oppose the decision of the council, you'll have to invest a lot of time and favors into getting the other major clans on your side, right?"

Inoichi shrugs a shoulder, "I'm pretty sure that I already have four - maybe five - of the major clans on my side. I just need the others."

And he does know that he has enough clans on his side. He has the Yamanakas, the Akimichis, the Naras and the Uchihas on his side. He's not sure if the Hatakes are on his side or not, but since the only remaining Hatake, like the only remaining Uchiha, are on the same team, Inoichi's pretty sure that Kakashi is willing to go to bat for his student.

Even if he hadn't when he'd been called before the council during the second exam.

He hopes that a week ago Kakashi had just been startled and unwilling to push without more information.

Well, now he'll just have to go around to the Inuzuka's, and it's a pretty sure bet on his part that they'll side with him over the council, since they value love over everything else; the Aburame's, who are pretty much the same as the Inuzuka's, even if they are low key about it; and the Hyuga's.

It's the Hyuga that he's mostly worried about. The Hyuga hate the Uchiha so it's not a stretch to assume that Hiashi would want to deny the Last Uchiha the love of his life.

On the other hand, Hiashi believes in true love - the closeted romantic! - so... It's pretty much a toss up and a crapshoot as to which way the stuck up bastard will bend.

He'll go though, and he'll employ his rather credible skills in observation and if need be, press Hiashi into the choice that he wants. If that just happens to involve a favor to two, he's willing to go that far.

****xxXxx****

Sasuke stares up at Naruto as his cousin does several katas hanging upside down on a tree branch.

The explanation that Naruto was pranking the village by making everyone think that they are - _were_ - lovers had hurt him. Once he'd had a little time to think it over though, he had to concede that it wasn't a bad plan, or a bad prank. Oh, he still hasn't forgiven Naruto, but he knows he will in a few more days. He can't really hold his cousin's nature against him, especially considering the benefits Naruto had counted for the prank. They can't precisely reveal that Naruto is an Uchiha, after all; not until _that man_ is dead.

Kakashi strolls over to him lazily and crouches next to where he's sitting at the base of the tree that Naruto is hanging off of.

"Sasuke-kun?" Kakashi sounds very tentative and Sasuke inwardly snorts. Naruto has even managed to get _Kakashi_ to believe that they were lovers without letting onto Sasuke what was going on. It's a pretty masterfully executed plan.

Sasuke doesn't mean to feel pride in Naruto's ability to bullshit, but he does. It's hard to not feel prideful of everything that Naruto has been able to accomplish with this shtick of his.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi winces a little and Sasuke feels vindictive. It is only because Naruto specifically asked him to be more polite that he's as polite as he has been. Kakashi must have noticed that too.

"How are you doing?"

Wanting Kakashi to feel as bad as possible for not fighting for Naruto and him - for not being _trustworthy_, for separating the two of them from the one thing that had started healing them -, even under false pretenses, Sasuke lowers his face and looks to the side, pursing his lips and blinking rapidly. "I'm fine, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke lets his voice waver a little. He truly misses being with his cousin, so he projects that into his words and hopes it twists Kakashi's heart up. The man is surprisingly emotional under his rather lackadaisical continence.

"Sasuke-kun," Kakashi pauses then takes a breath and tries again, "I'm sorry they took Naruto away from you."

"They didn't," Sasuke snarls with genuine anger and hurt as he snaps his head up and stares into Kakashi's gray eye, "_You_ did. You didn't fight for _me_. You didn't fight for _him_. You didn't fight for _us_. You're Sharingan no Kakashi. You're the best jounin in Konoha. You are far more respected than any of the council. If you'd've fought, Naruto and I would still be together - like we're supposed to be."

In the tree above them, Naruto's stopped moving and when Sasuke looks up to him, he can see his younger cousin (mentally so much older though; he still hasn't gotten over how mature Naruto usually is) looking down at them with shuttered eyes.

Pushing his own boundaries a little, and hoping that Naruto understands his message (that he's willing to participate in the prank), Sasuke reaches over his head and wraps an arm around the trunk of the tree, staring up at Naruto like he's drowning and Naruto is the only source of oxygen in the world.

"Sasuke?" Naruto's strained whisper reaches him and Sasuke has to wonder how in the ever living _hell_ he'd managed to miss the connotations in Naruto's speech patterns when they were around other people.

Ah well. He knows now. And Naruto's right, it's fun to fuck with people. Especially when there is an element of revenge involved. At the moment, he couldn't care less if it's immoral or some shit like that.

"Naruto-" Sasuke whispers back with longing. He continues to look at Naruto before tearing his gaze away and slumping back against the tree. His hands settle in his lap and he stares at his fingers as his body shakes, trying very hard not to laugh at his sensei.

Kakashi doesn't seem to know what to say, or do, and so he sits there for a moment, just watching Sasuke shake. Sasuke has to be very careful not to look up and check on how his acting is doing, because if it does that, it'll give the prank away.

He doesn't want to be the reason a six month long prank fails. He has to think of the prank as though it were a mission to keep from breaking character, and realizes that this will work very well as infiltration training.

"Sasuke," Kakashi finally rests a hand on his shoulder and looks shifty, glancing around cautiously, "I'm going to go over there," he points lazily in a random direction, "-and I'll be gone for about half a hour." Kakashi then stands and wonders off with a wave over his shoulder. Before he's completely left the clearing, Naruto is down the tree and hugging Sasuke for all he's worth.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you-" Naruto practically cries into his neck. Sasuke hugs his cousin back.

"I never hated you, Naruto," Sasuke tells him gently, rocking back and forth, letting the jinchuuriki rest his ear against his chest to listen to his heart beat. "I love you."

"Oh, gods, Sasuke-" Naruto whispers, tears in his eyes, "I thought you would. I really thought that you'd hate me because of..."

"Shh," Sasuke strokes Naruto's hair and stops him from saying anything more. Let Kakashi (who's hiding in that tree over there. As though Sasuke wouldn't sense him. Ha.) think whatever he wants about Naruto thinking Sasuke hated him. "I would never, _will never_, hate you. I love you far too much to ever hate you."

Naruto sags in his arms and his dead weight pulls them both to their knees. "Thank you," he whispers into Sasuke's neck again, scenting Sasuke.

Sasuke wonders how much it hurt his cousin to be so long without the smell of home after having had it for six months. He thinks that it was probably agonizing so he doesn't (_refuses to_) flinch when Naruto licks his jugular. He's shinobi, he doesn't like teeth that close to a major artery.

It takes several minutes for Sasuke to let go of Naruto. Naruto isn't the only one missing that feeling of _home_. "Come on, we only have about twenty minutes left."

"Can we-" Naruto bows his head and and looks up through his eyelashes. Sasuke immediately realizes that his cousin also knows that Kakashi is watching them. Naruto's cheeks pink lightly and Sasuke can't help but laugh. He makes sure to have it sound a little embarrassed.

Now that he knows, now that he can participate in this prank, Naruto is really upping the ante.

"I'd love to, Naruto, but we don't have time-" Sasuke strokes Naruto's neck, feeling his pulse, making sure that his cousin is still alive, that he's still there, that they're able to hug one another again. It had been so long between the death of his family and his reunion with Naruto and now that he's had to live alone, live without that content feeling of family once again, it almost hurts to be allowed to hug.

Naruto nods his head then rests his ear against Sasuke's breastbone again. "But we can-"

"Yes," Sasuke whispers, "We can hold each other now."

His heart beat must be putting Naruto to sleep because his voice gets lethargic as his talks, "Do you think, maybe, we could have longer?"

"No. Kakashi-sensei is putting himself out on a limb right now," - and the tree branch Kakashi is crouched on is about to snap in half - "and we don't want to get him in trouble."

"Right," Naruto all but growls the word out and Sasuke looks down to see his canine's have elongated. His cousin isn't feral yet, but it seems that Kakashi is truly making Naruto angry as all hell; and that anger is what brings out Naruto's demon fox side.

(Sasuke isn't sure if he's more scared of the demon part or the fox part of the Kyuubi. He's pretty much decided that seeing as he now has his sharingan active, he shouldn't be scared of either because it's been said that the sharingan can control the Kyuubi.)

"Shh, calm down Naruto," Sasuke hushes his cousin and breathes deeply and makes sure that his heart rate doesn't go up. It doesn't take long for Naruto to calm down and Sasuke is relieved to see his fangs recede back to their normal - if longer than average for human - length.

When Kakashi jumps down to the ground and starts wandering back over to them to continue their training, Naruto and Sasuke reluctantly let each other go, lingering touches on elbows and wrists and fingers combining with furtive glances from under lowered eyelashes to make it look provocative.

Finally Kakashi clears his throat and Sasuke jerks away from Naruto, stuffing his hands in his pockets and standing just outside of arms reach from Naruto. Naruto glares at Kakashi and scampers back up the tree that he'd been working on before.

Kakashi just gives them a sad look and directs Sasuke into a strange and lightening fast kata. Sasuke doesn't know what the kata is preparing him for, but it's something special, he can tell. At the moment, though, he doesn't really care enough to ask about it.

*****xxxXXXxxx*****

**Reviews are motivation, seriously!**


	8. Exam Part 2 point 1

**Title: **Chapter Six: _Exam, Part 2.1_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash, some language. Political shenanigans.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

We do not advocate or approve of suicide. We do not find it funny. None of the characters in this fic were actually thinking about killing themselves, it just seemed that way to a defeatist!Kakashi.

**Notes:** And here is the second part of the chapter :) Hope you guys like it, 'cause we enjoyed writing it!

And if you tell us that you feel gypped about something that we didn't specify, we may, or not may not, laugh at you. Most likely, if you intrigue us with your specific question, we'll write a short piece for that one. If you log in before reviewing, we might even send it to you before making a darling little omake file and posting it there.

*****xxxXXXxxx*****

Naruto caresses the blade under his hand as he watches Sasuke from his perch outside just the Uchiha compound walls. He's been told that he can't be with Sasuke, not that he can't see him. Kakashi had actually had the balls to come up to him and tell him that he wasn't allowed to be with his cousin anymore, that there was to be no contact between them outside of team training (and though the man had sometimes allowed some leniency, he'd still played by the rules).

Bastards, he thinks to himself. He looks down at the ANBU blade that he'd stolen from the HQ just after Itachi had slaughtered the clan. He'd been afraid and desperate and wanting extra protection so he'd taken the blade and watched one of Konoha's premier kenjutsu artists for months with his sharingan. He'd gotten quite good, but he'd put his blade away after a few years, feeling more and more comfortable without it.

But now? Now he's contemplating hunting down the two bastards who'd been at the head of the council's decision to separate him and his cousin. He would apologize to Hiruzen-jiji for making him the lone survivor of his genin team after killing his teammates, but he'd do it.

At this point though, he still isn't sure what to do about Danzo. The man has been trying for forever to get him into Ne and make him into a weapon. It's very tempting to go along with that plan until he has a clear shot at the one-eyed bastard and then kill him. Maybe torture him first.

He had known that when his prank finally got around to the council they would be furious, but he hadn't thought of what other repercussions there would be. He hadn't thought of a way around them separating Sasuke and himself by the time Kakashi had come to them with the decree several days ago. He'll come up with a plan though, because no matter how much fun it is to make everyone believe that they are lovers, it's even better to have a family for the first time in his life. Though it's nice that Sasuke has forgiven him for the prank. Even better, that Sasuke is willing to extend the prank to his side as well, even if they can't be seen together. Pretending to be lovers not allowed to see each other lets them sneak away when there are sympathetic people around to let them 'have a few moments together' as though they are some kind of ninja version of Romeo and Juliet.

A hand settles on his shoulder and he looks up to see the coward who hadn't fought for him and Sasuke in front of the politicians staring down at the ninjatō in his hands.

"Naruto?" Kakashi's voice is quiet and concerned and Naruto practically snarls at him.

"What do you want? You've already taken Sasuke from me." He turns away from his teacher and though he wants to hate Kakashi for abiding by the council's wishes, he can't, because his teacher was just doing his job. It still feels like a betrayal, though.

"Naruto, what are you doing?"

He still sounds concerned and Naruto gives a half hysterical laugh, choking on it part way through.

"Thinking of killing someone," He finally mutters, reaching up with one hand and scrubbing his eyes. He isn't crying. Really.

He doesn't look up when Kakashi's hand tightens on his shoulder, "Naruto, that isn't a good idea."

Yes it is, Naruto thinks. It's a very good idea because he has had to watch Sasuke cry. He's been spying on his cousin since Kakashi told them and he's scared for Sasuke. The boy has already lost so much. Naruto didn't have anything in the first place, so it's not so bad really, but to have to _give up_ the one thing you'd already lost the rest of it is immeasurably agonizing.

"Whatever," another mutter and Naruto slings the sword over his back.

"Do you know how to use that?" Kakashi asks him and Naruto shakes his head in disgust. He realizes that he's been pretending to be an idiot for years, but he didn't think that Kakashi would still think that of him, even after Wave and Orochimaru in the Forest of Death. He is strong and he is able and he has had very good training.

"Yeah. I learned when I was eight."

Technically. Physically he'd been eight, but mentally he is so much older than the rest of his age-mates. When he'd been eight he'd felt like he was twenty and now, at twelve, he felt thirty. Shrugging out from under Kakashi's hand, Naruto scaled higher up the tree into the thinner branches - not that that would stop Kakashi from following if he really wanted to be close to Naruto. He crouches low and clings to the wood under his feet and hands with his chakra. He knows that Kakashi is watching him, but there really isn't much he can do about that.

He has to stay where he is and make sure that Sasuke is okay. They've had a whirlwind of an emotional time in the last few months and Naruto isn't sure how Sasuke is going to be able to deal.

There isn't any concern on his own end though. Naruto's had enough disappointments in his life to survive one more, even if it is the loss of the last of his family. It's not like he wouldn't be able to watch Sasuke anyway, he just wasn't allowed to be close to him.

Naruto, at that single point in time, finally hates the one thing that has made his life complete and utter crap.

He _hates_ Kyuubi.

And he might just hate the council (_and Konoha_) as well.

*x*

Kakashi stares up at Naruto's huddled form and feels his heart clench in his chest. He's never been in love so he doesn't know how it feels to be separated from someone he loves romantically. To realize that it's mostly because of something completely uncontrollable - ie: the Kyuubi - Kakashi is pretty sure that Naruto is hating himself right now.

The killing intent focused inwards helps him make that deduction.

"Naruto," Kakashi feels that he has to keep trying to talk to Naruto because he can't just let Sensei's son get depressed enough to use that ninjatō. On himself, or on others. "-it'll be alright."

"You don't know that," Naruto murmurs, "I'm thinking that..." He trails off and his eyes tighten as he glances at the handle of the sword slung crosswise over his back.

Curious despite himself, Kakashi has to ask, "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that the sooner I do what I plan to do, the easier it will be on Sasuke." Naruto shakes his head unconsciously, "I don't want Sasuke to get hurt because of me." He pauses and then grimaces, "Or because of-" His hand cradles his lower belly where the seal holding back the Kyuubi is.

"Naruto, I'm pretty sure that if you-" _kill yourself_, "-get hurt, Sasuke will hurt as well." He's been around them both enough to know that Sasuke feels more for Naruto then is healthy. Wave had been eye-opening for him. To realize that Naruto loves Sasuke enough to slip the leash off the Kyuubi if the Uchiha were to ever die is something that Kakashi never really wanted to know. The fact that Sasuke probably feels the same way about Naruto helps the realization along, though.

Though, now that he considers it - and this sort of proves that he (_Kakashi_) isn't really mentally balanced enough to be let out in public - threatening the council with Naruto committing suicide and Sasuke being traumatized by that, since Sasuke is still a child, would be a good tactic to get the council to rescind their ruling if they don't fall to just losing the Last Uchiha. The loss of both the jinchuuriki and the Uchiha should push them into pretty much anything he wants.

Especially since it's not too far-fetched to think that Sasuke _would_ be traumatized enough by Naruto's suicide to either become catatonic, or kill himself. Or both. Probably both because he's had to talk Sasuke out of suicide once already.

A chill runs down Kakashi spine at the thought. The prospect feels very real, and very much like it could happen. Like it _would_ happen, if he allowed the council to continue to drive the two apart like this.

But it's more than that. He doesn't want his two students to be so unhappy, doesn't want them to dwell in misery and continue their lives isolated from everybody else. Sasuke had only just started opening up to him as more than an authority figure, and Naruto had started genuinely smiling regularly. Sasuke has retreated back into his shell now, as has Naruto, though the shells are different than the ones they'd been living in before they'd met.

Sasuke has lost weight, and his face is apathetic when it's not twisted with despair. Naruto has turned from large fake grins into a kind of simmering anger that Kakashi just knows is going to explode suddenly, violently, and all over the place sometime in the near future.

Even when they're together as a team (since Kakashi isn't about to insist that Sasuke leave Konoha proper for training with this shit about him separating from Naruto going on) Kakashi pretends not to see the longing glances they send each other, pretends not to notice the way they'll sometimes allow their hands to brush the each others. There is still a distance between the two, a distance that Kakashi more and more acutely feels shouldn't be there.

He looks at them, and feels like so much less than a teacher. He's not their confidante - well, he never had been, but he'd been getting there, slowly, before this situation ripped that hope away - and now he never will be. It's a painful realization, and Kakashi can't help but feel disappointed in himself in a way he hasn't since he failed his first teammate.

Since Obito.

Oh, his students haven't been crushed under any rocks due to his inability to see what mattered, but the council's decision is still pressing them down into the dirt, leeching their strength and making them less than they could have been. Less than they'd wanted to be, before this.

And he's letting it happen. He's allowing those fools to take his kids away from him, because of their inability to recognize what matters. And in the end, isn't that the same thing as what happened to Obito?

There is a choice to be made, and Kakashi suddenly realizes that's it's never been a choice at all. He's known from the very beginning, when the council's decision had first reached his ears, that he can't let this happen.

It's only been just over a week since the two had been separated, but Kakashi has seen enough.

No more.

"Naruto," he calls up, and the leaves rustle in silent answer. He can feel the boy's eyes on him, as cutting as kunai, and takes a deep breath. He won't tell the boy what he's going to do, but he wants reassurance before he disappears for the night. He doesn't want to heckle the council and then be reached by the news that his student has already used the ninjatō. "Go home for tonight, and promise me -" _that you won't kill yourself, that you won't murder anyone else, that you won't fall before I've come up with a plan to catch you_ "-that you'll hang on for a while longer. For Sasuke."

The end of his sentence draws a hiss out of the boy, and suddenly Naruto is hanging upside down in his face, teeth bared in a snarl. Kakashi pretends that the hint of fang and the flecks of red in the blond's blue eyes don't alarm him.

"Everything - _everything -_ I do is for him. Don't you fucking dare suggest otherwise, _Sensei_."

He snaps his jaws in a way that Kakashi often sees his ninken do before they take a bite out of an enemy, and it hurts that Naruto doesn't feel like he is an ally any more. That sneer as he calls Kakashi 'sensei' hurts; accusing rage that says the word means _traitor_, and that strikes deep.

"I know," he whispers a second too late. Naruto is already gone, having flicked away before Kakashi could respond. He's not sure what he would have said more than those two useless words, because the unspoken accusation rings true, as does his student's anger at being questioned about his dedication to Sasuke.

Kakashi knows they're almost completely codependent - which could be very bad, but shinobi definition of _bad_ tends to be more than a little screwed up. Things that would get civilians thrown into asylums are called 'coping mechanisms' when applied to shinobi. They play by a different set of rules and Kakashi can't believe he'd forgotten that for even a moment.

When on the battlefield, a shinobi deceives and manipulates to produce the desired outcome. Well, this has just turned into a battlefield, and Kakashi is a genius. There is enough truth in what he's planning to tell the council for the old fools not to recognize any exaggerations he might utilize. Nobody knows the two boys as well as he does anyway, so they shouldn't be able to question his judgment either, not without proof...

Kakashi sits on the branch for several more hours and watches the sun rise as he fleshes out his plot.

****xxXxx****

Sasuke isn't impressed when the silver haired nin, the one who'd given up after the Forest of Death, finds him in a training area. He's even less impressed that the nin found him crying of all things.

"Sasuke-kun? Are you alright?" His voice is like liquid gold and Sasuke rubs harshly at his eyes.

"What do you want?" He growls roughly, getting to his feet and raising his chin, daring the older boy - well, man - to say anything about the redness around his eyes.

"I wanted to see how you were holding up, what with your break up with Uzumaki."

"I _didn't_-" Sasuke snaps his mouth shut. He is not going to get into this, not right now. He doesn't want to pretend, he doesn't want to even think about it.

"Was he the one that broke up with you?" The medic nin asks gently and Sasuke cuffs at his eyes, still angry.

"Go away."

"My name is Kabuto, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto introduces himself again and Sasuke shrugs, defensive. Like he cares right now what the man's name is.

"Please, I would like to be left alone." Sasuke is curt, but still polite. He won't let Naruto down by returning to how rude he was before Naruto was a part of his life.

Kabuto comes really close and he has the most open expression on his face that Sasuke has ever seen before and the Uchiha realizes that this man could never lie to him; he's obviously not a good liar. Even his body can't lie because it's all but screaming that Kabuto wants to be close to him, is worried about him.

"Naruto was pretty... controlling, wasn't he?" Kabuto sits on the ground and Sasuke huffs. As much has he wants to argue that point, he really can't. Naruto was 'controlling' their relationship in a way. Since Sasuke hadn't know about what others had thought, he really didn't have any input as to how the 'relationship' had gone. "You didn't like that, did you?" Something about Kabuto's voice calms him slightly and Sasuke shakes his head, carefully sitting down on the ground as well.

"I- I didn't even know," Sasuke hasn't had anyone to confide in in a very long time and now that he doesn't have Naruto anymore, he can't think of anyone to talk to.

Perhaps a medic is the best option. There is such a thing as a Code of Conduct for medics, and it includes a confidentiality between a medic and whoever they talk to or treat.

Kabuto looks shocked and appalled, "You didn't know?" He repeats, "When- when did you find out?"

"Not until we- not until we weren't together anymore." Sasuke leans forward, his heart - and his head - heavy. Kabuto rests a hand on his shoulder, and it's very warm.

"So, you didn't know what was going on, what he was doing to you?" His voice is calming like waves and Sasuke leans into the hand on his shoulder.

"No."

"That's horrible," Kabuto says with sympathy. Sasuke nods, because it was a pretty horrible thing for Naruto to do to him without warning or permission.

"It really hurt," Sasuke murmurs, his head lowering, suddenly too tired to hold himself upright.

"Would," Kabuto murmurs back, leaning in close, his arm around Sasuke's shoulders, "-you like me to show you that it doesn't have to hurt, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke wonders when Kabuto got so close to him, but then Kabuto's fingers, hanging over his shoulder, twitch and he's too tired to keep thinking about anything. It must be all the sleepless nights and nightmares that he's been having since Naruto left their house.

"I just don't wanna hurt anymore," Sasuke mumbles into Kabuto's shoulder.

Somehow he's ended up in Kabuto's lap, and he isn't sure how. He knows that it's not right, _really_ not right for this to be happening, but he can't seem to make his limbs move.

Hands caress his thighs and fingers stroke the inside of his legs and Sasuke moans in belated distress. He doesn't want to be here.

"Let me show you how it doesn't have to hurt," Kabuto gently licks his neck.

Wait. That's not right.

No one _licks_ him. No one except for Naruto.

Sasuke blinks his eyes and he can feel his argument start to slide away.

No! He thinks suddenly and shakes his head sharply. He focuses on his eyes and builds his chakra and then, in several sudden seconds, his sharingan is active, and he can see through the woven genjutsu (it's oh so subtle). He pulls away and hauls back one of his hands, covering it with chakra as though he were going to be tree walking on his hands and punches in the general direction of the silver head.

Kabuto dumps him out of his lap and scrambles away, "Whoa, hey! What's wrong?" His voice still sounds like gold, but now Sasuke can see the thin strands of chakra that are questing out, trying to latch onto him.

Sasuke sneers, his mind clear, "You thought you could fool a sharingan wielder with _that_?"

Kabuto shakes his head, as though he doesn't know what Sasuke was talking about, "Sasuke-kun, I was just comforting you, you're all alone again and I don't want you to hurt."

He looks so very honest and sincere. He's not, and Sasuke can see that now.

Kabuto is just as good of a liar as Naruto is. Except Sasuke doesn't trust Kabuto. Not at all.

"If you ever come near me again, or Naruto," Sasuke hisses angrily, "-I'll kill you." He makes sure that none of Kabuto's chakra strings are attached to him and he walks away.

He wonders if he should report this. After all, Kabuto is eighteen or nineteen years old, Sasuke is only thirteen. It's not right for him to be preying on young genin.

He decides that he'd do what Naruto would do. He'll report the bastard. And then, if Kabuto ever comes near him or his cousin, he'll cook him straight through with a katon.

He's still slightly dizzy and confused as he walks through the fading light of the sunset and he almost trips over Shikamaru on his way home.

The lazy genius (-and he knows how to spot another genius because he's one too. Naruto had only gotten away with it because of how good an actor he is. Shikamaru is too lazy to act- ) looks from the purpling sky and red clouds to Sasuke and sits up.

Sasuke's a little weirded out to see concern in his intent eyes.

"Sasuke? You alright?"

"I-" Sasuke shakes his head and brings a hand to his temple. He has a headache that he's pretty sure came from breaking that genjutsu Kabuto was trying on him. "I'll be fine." A mental Naruto pokes him for his rudeness and he sighs before continuing, "Thanks, though."

"What happened?" Shikamaru is still staring at him intently and Sasuke doesn't like how awkward this is starting to become.

"Nothing. Just a short encounter with a genjutsu." Sasuke stumbles away from the Nara and starts back on his way home. Shikamaru stands up and comes to his side, walking beside him.

"You sure?" He reaches out to grab Sasuke's elbow to steady him when the Uchiha wavers and Sasuke jerks his arm away.

"Don't touch me." Sasuke's voice sounds dead even to his own ears and he shakes his head, trying to rebuild his equilibrium, "Sorry, sorry, just- don't touch me, okay?" It isn't that he'll ever mistake anyone for Kabuto, but he still feels uncomfortable being touched right now.

"Yeah, okay," Shikamaru doesn't try to touch him again, but continues to walk beside him when he starts walking again. "Are you on your way home?"

Sasuke nods once abruptly, "Yes." For all that Naruto doesn't want him to be rude, he can't bring himself to care right now because he thinks that he was just about sexually assaulted.

That scares him.

"So, what was the genjutsu?" Shikamaru's tone is calm, lazy, as though he doesn't care, but Sasuke's been around Naruto enough to see through it. Shikamaru cares. He cares a lot.

"Just-" Sasuke bites his lip then braces himself because he already told himself that he would report Kabuto (it doesn't matter _who_ he reports the encounter to), "- It was a seduction genjutsu."

Shikamaru practically trips over his own feet and he stares at Sasuke. "Who?" His voice is hard and unforgiving and Sasuke wonders when he became close enough friends with the Nara that he would care about him.

Then again, Shikamaru probably cares because he and Naruto are friends. Maybe the lazy genius is just watching out for Sasuke because Naruto loves him. And everyone is taking that the wrong way.

"A medic nin. Silver hair, glasses."

Before he can give any more information, Shikamaru frowns, "Goes by Kabuto? Failed the chuunin exam eight times now?"

"Yeah. Walked out after the Forest this time." Sasuke feels tired all the way down to his bones and he wonders if it might be a side effect of whatever genjutsu was used on him. "I can tell you, he's no genin. Not with skills like that."

"Hn." Shikamaru grunts and nods. They're silent the rest of the way to Sasuke's house.

Before Sasuke closes the door behind him, he glances over his shoulder at the Nara. "Hey, Shikamaru-san." Shikamaru looks at him and raises an eyebrow in question. "Thank you."

"No problem." the other genius returns and walks away, face furrowed in thought.

Well. At least he's reported Kabuto's actions to someone. His head hurts still but he's not going to go to bed just yet.

He needs a shower first.

****xxXxx****

Kakashi steps into the council chamber once again, slouching in a way that makes the guards by the door eye him warily. Good; let them see his displeasure, feel it pouring out into the air as killing intent.

A deceptively lazy gray eye focuses on Koharu. Her lips are pinched as she watches him, clearly a second from either sniffing at him haughtily or breaking out in what Kakashi considers a 'Politician's Tirade'. It's a very particular type of rant various members of the council has performed at one point or other, and it never ceases to be annoying. It's like listening to faux-righteous monkey screeches, but with more grand arm waving.

"Well?" Koharu finally snaps, when Kakashi's gotten to stand in the middle of the chamber. He blinks lazily, wondering how long it has been since she was out in the field, if she can't even recognize the sign of a Very. Pissed. Off. Shinobi. Too long, clearly. He could probably take her out in less than a second.

"Why did you demand an audience?" she continues, eyebrows furrowing in displeasure. Kakashi supposes he had been rather demanding in his request to see them, but he'd decided - after spending another awful day with his too-silent team, and feeling Bad Things brew under the surface - that he wouldn't put up with this for a day longer than necessary.

He'd also thrown the secretary who'd snootily informed him that the council was too busy to deal with his individual problems, out the window. If he'd known that would get such fast results, he'd have done it much earlier. As it is, it's taken about an hour for the council to assemble, during which time Kakashi has been stewing in his slowly mounting rage. (He hadn't meant to make that genin team faint when they passed him and felt his killing intent. Really.)

He stares at Koharu with his single eye and raises his intent just a titch and he can see her flinch back before settling herself and trying to glare back at him.

He isn't a candidate for Hokage without reason.

"This interference with Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto's relationship," He says in a deadly voice, one like Minato used when he was still alive and had to deal with these ego-inflated, yellow-bellied bastards, "-is going to end now."

Koharu and Homura shoot glances at each other then look back at him, "And who do you think you are to demand _anything_ from the council?"

Kakashi draws himself up, out of his perpetual slouch and straightens his hitai-ite across his forehead, baring his swirling sharingan. "I am Hatake Kakashi, Sharingan no Kakashi, son of the White Fang, student of the Yellow Flash, Hokage Successor," He says his last title with relish. He'd been a sneaky bastard, making sure that his name was on Sarutobi-sama's list before coming in front of the council again. He doesn't want to be Hokage, nor does he feel ready for such a thing to come to pass any time in the near future, but he'll use everything he has to make sure that Sasuke and Naruto are happy again.

The two council members rear back in shock and Kakashi's lips curl into a smirk. Nara Shikaku stands up then and Kakashi wonders what the older man is going to say.

"Under the authority granted to me from the title of Jounin Representative, I give my support to Hatake-sama."

It's not the first time that Kakashi's been referred to with the 'sama' title, but it is the first time that it's been an older jounin to do so, and it's the first time that Kakashi isn't going to refuse the elevation of his stature.

Akimichi Chouza and Yamanaka Inoichi stand as well, joining their voices and lending their political weight to his cause. Aburame Shibi and Inuzuka Tsume stand, letting their actions speak for them.

Danzo is still too confident for Kakashi's liking, but then Hyuga Hiashi stands up and raises his chin almost imperceptibly.

Thank god the Hyuga doesn't want Sasuke to procreate. It's probably the _only_ reason that Hiashi is backing Kakashi's decision to get the council out of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship.

****xxXxx****

Ino sits in the bush with Sakura, "What are we doing, Forehead-girl?" She asks, complaining. Seriously, she doesn't need to be out here and watching an empty training field with her ex-rival for Sasuke's attentions. Not that getting his attention is viable anymore unless she gets a sex change. And honestly, she rather likes being a girl.

"Kakashi-sensei said that he had a surprise for Naruto and Sasuke," the girl with pink hair says. "I want to show you what I see when I see them together."

Huh. Ino had been pretty sure that she'd managed to keep her disappointment about Sasuke being with _Naruto_ to herself. Apparently Sakura is more intuitive than she'd thought.

A head of black hair attached to a pale white head enters her vision and Ino's eyes zoom in automatically, in the way that had become a habit before the Reveal. She tries to hold in a despondent sigh, the thought that this beautiful boy was never even potentially hers still hard to bear.

She trails his eyes over the perfectly smooth planes of his face, but the longer she watches him the more she realizes that something is wrong. It takes her a few seconds to pinpoint what it is that jars her, but then it's obvious.

Sasuke walks like an old man, still with that inherent shinobi grace that he's always had, but with a tired drawl to his steps that had never been there before. Sasuke-kun was always intense; not energetic, but very aware in his every movement. That's what had made him the top rookie.

There is no energy in his gait any more, no hint of the leashed lightning waiting to be released in a flurry of katas.

He's lost weight, too. His cheeks are slightly sunken in, with dark smudges underneath his eyes; his wrists suddenly looking thin, instead of just slender...

And his eyes... Ino had always liked Sasuke's mysterious eyes, filled with intriguing ghosts of his pasts and just begging for her to swim into, begging for her to heal him... but now...

She'd never seen eyes so empty. It was as though he'd walked though hell only to realize that there was nothing worth finding on the other side. They no longer looked mysterious, and though they still seemed like the eyes of a person in need of healing, she didn't delude herself into thinking she'd be able to heal eyes showing wounds that deep.

It's horrific; more jarring than a punch to the gut.

So focused she'd been on Sasuke that she hadn't noticed the head of orange entering the field from the other side.

It takes her less time to see what's wrong with Naruto, because the difference is much more obvious in someone with Naruto's disposition. It's like someone had turned off the light Naruto is always blinding everyone with; like the color has been drawn out of the boy, and all that is left is a shadowy caricature of what Naruto had been.

It is genuinely unnerving; Naruto's grin has been a permanent feature on the boy's face for so long that seeing him without it is like seeing a whole new person.

They walk towards each other, gazes locked, but as if by a mutual decision they stop before they can get close enough to touch, a little more than an arm's length away.

And there they stay, staring at each other as if the other will disappear should they look away. Sasuke's fists clench every now and again, and Naruto's visible arm jerks, as if they are both trying to keep their hands off of each other.

Ino feels her eyes tear up, and she isn't even sure why. There's just something about this scene that feels desperate beyond belief, much more so than any tragic moment in her romance novels and movies.

Sakura shifts next to her, and she feels a warm hand on her shoulder. Sakura looks at her with eyes lit in sympathy and recognition and Ino understands what her friend was trying to tell her. This kind of love story is way beyond anything she had been imagining for herself and Sasuke, way beyond anything she'd ever expect him to feel for her.

"They belong," Sakura says quietly, painfully and Ino nods, letting go of the last dredges of hope she'd held onto. She couldn't survive a love like this, she thinks, it burns much too brightly for her eyes.

When Kakashi-san appears in a swirl of leaves she's mostly composed herself again, though she feels a little empty in the spot in her heart that used to be Sasuke-shaped. She'll get over it, she thinks, when Sasuke becomes Sasuke again.

"Boys," Kakashi begins, and they both look towards him without real interest. Ino doesn't know whether she wants to smack the teacher for his cheerful greeting or if she just wants to yell at him for being so insensitive. Couldn't he see this wasn't a good time to act like that?

"He's up to something," Sakura whispers, eyes intent on the unfolding scene ahead. Ino's progressively aggressive thoughts slow to a halt, because as much as she doesn't like to admit it, Sakura is the smarter one of the two of them.

And she's seeing something that Ino is missing.

"I went to speak with the council today," Kakashi continues and Sakura sharpens beside her, a faint tremor of hostility tainting the air. Ino tries to keep her shocked expression off her face, not wanting to appear less then composed in the face of Sakura's anger.

Both Naruto and Sasuke has tensed up where they stand, Ino can see that clear across the training ground.

"Why?"

Sasuke's voice is hoarse and Ino holds back a wince. He's not supposed to sound like that, he's supposed to 'Hn' in that cute way he used to. Kakashi crouches down a little, and Ino imagines a serious expression on his face even if she can't see it.

"I... disagreed with their decision to separate the two of you," the teacher says lowly and Ino has to send a touch of chakra to her ears, trying to keep the stream steady without unbalancing it.

"And yet you didn't fight for us," Sasuke says, bitterness in his tone, his stance and his expression. Ino has heard bitterness from her past love interest before, but not to this degree, like acid in the back of his throat. Naruto traces a hand over his arm, and the tension drains out of Sasuke's body, leaving only the same weariness he'd arrived carrying.

There is a pause, filled with a lot of things Ino can't even begin to guess at, before Kakashi answers; "Not until today."

Naruto jerks so severely it looks like he's snapped something. Sasuke's head snaps up a second later and they both stare at Kakashi like he's an oasis seen from a distance in the middle of the desert; not sure if it's for real or not.

"What?" "What do you mean?"

"I... convinced... the council to rescind their decision," he answers, and she can hear the smile in his voice, even as he chooses his words carefully.

"You- what? How?" Sasuke's voice is quivering uncharacteristically, and the hope in his tone breaks Ino's heart a little, despite the shock she feels at seeing him so vulnerable.

It's strange how he can seem vulnerable without being weak, she thinks dazedly. She'd always imagined her Prince Charming as someone who'd never show things like this, would never feel this way, but somehow it doesn't make Sasuke any less beautiful.

In fact, when Naruto's hand grips the other boy's, Ino doesn't think she's ever seen something so glorious. And she's not even sure why, because she'd always thought boys who couldn't keep their weaknesses inside were the least attractive...

"They realized that separating the two of you wasn't in their best interests after all," Kakashi continues cheerfully, and when _Sasuke_ then tackles Naruto into a hug, Ino can't remember why she'd ever thought that the emotionless, laconic side of Uchiha Sasuke was the epitome of a boy. It's a seminal thought for her, an epiphany that she can't quite grasp yet because it's turning everything she'd ever thought about boys sideways and shaking it up.

They're lying in a mass of tangled limbs, clutching each other so tightly it's a wonder they don't break. Ino feels a tear slip down her cheek, not sure if it's because of the happiness she feels in the two boys or if it's because she's finally letting go of the boy she'd spent years chasing.

In the end she doesn't even bother to examine the emotion, but she and Sakura sit in silence to watch the scene unfold. It takes them minutes to calm down, and they stand next to each other, arms touching and almost molding their sides against the other. Kakashi bends down to whisper something to them that Ino doesn't catch and then stands up.

"You're free today," he says and there are double meanings in that sentence, heard loud and clear. Both Sasuke and Naruto barely take the time to nod before they sprint off in the direction of the Uchiha compound. Ino wonders what they'll do to celebrate, blinks, and then blushes heavily.

Kakashi remains where he is, staring after the disappearing duo with a thoughtful frown (well, probably. His mask makes it a bit hard to determine) and then he shifts, eye coming to rest in her and Sakura's direction instead. Ino's breath catches in her throat and the blush drains out of her cheeks rapidly.

Kakashi is a jounin! Of course he'd notice their presence! How could they have been so careless? How could Sakura have been so careless? Kakashi is her teacher!

Ino's eyes dart towards Sakura, expecting to see the same panic she's feeling in the other girl. But Sakura doesn't look nervous at all; rather, she's wearing a slight rueful smile, not looking surprised in the least.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that eavesdropping is a bad habit?"

Ino jumps, spinning around and almost tripping over her heels in her bid to rise as quickly as possible. She's not sure if Kakashi ended up behind them with the help of shunshin or if it was a show of pure speed, but either way it's intimidating. Her own sensei is much too lazy to do things like this, so while Ino knows Asuma is a capable jounin, she rarely sees him do much of the things that would have earned him his rank. Mostly he just plays shogi with Shikamaru and lets Chouji badger him into buying him barbecue.

"Only for civilians, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura says with some measure of amusement and smiles up at her sensei. Ino isn't sure whether she's shocked at the banter between teacher and student or just a bit envious.

"So, how much did you hear?" Kakashi asks, his eye crinkling in a way that suggests he's smiling. There is something strangely intimidating about the expression and Ino glances furtively at an unperturbed looking Sakura, not sure how to answer that. Everyone had heard of the Copy Nin's reputation, but from the way Sakura had complained about him, and from the way the man looked - how could someone with only one visible eye look so apathetic? - she hadn't been sure that the reputation was all that deserved.

His clothes are always rumpled, his hair looks like a furious bird's nest - and not in the cute way Sasuke-kun's did - and he walks like he had all the time in the world to reach his destination, despite his perpetual lateness to absolutely every meeting he was ever called to for any reason.

But now there is this aura around him and Ino feels very small suddenly; very inexperienced and she can't understand how Sakura can look so comfortable in this man's - this shinobi's presence.

"We actually studied in the Academy, Sensei," she comments pointedly and Kakashi's eye crinkles further, even as he shakes his head with a tired sigh.

"Everything, in other words," he murmurs, and Ino is surprised to hear a coating of approval in the neutral tone of voice. Sakura doesn't answer, instead cocking her head to the side, narrowing her eyes a little in apparent thought.

"Yes, but you knew we would, didn't you?"

The Copy Nin hums noncommittally, eyes sweeping across first Sakura's face and then hers. That lone eye sees a lot more than most people with two, Ino thinks as he pierces her with a deceptively lazy look. He's like a cat, with retractable claws, resting in spots of sunshine as though he has nothing better to do until those claws are needed. Ino hopes she'll never be on the receiving end of those claws.

"And did you learn anything?" he asks idly, breaking the silence. Ino startles a little before she manages to school her expression. Had he wanted them to watch this scene? He obviously hadn't minded since he'd let them remain where they were, but she hadn't realized he might have more of a motive than simply not caring about their presence.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura answers demurely and Ino can feel the questioning glance her friend gives her. Yes, she had learned something. She'd learned a lot, but she wasn't entirely sure what the teacher wanted to know, or how to formulate her response.

Realizing that Naruto and Sasuke-kun _needed_ each other was more than a little shocking, and it was an epiphany she needed to digest a bit before it settled.

"Yes, Kakashi-san," she copies Sakura absently, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers in thought. She'll have to let her crush go forever, and Ino isn't sure she'll be able to do that very quickly. She'd lived and breathed this crush for two years now and letting go just like that felt impossible. She doesn't want to let go, not really. But Naruto isn't a rival girl she can fight to win Sasuke's affection the way she'd been competing with the other girls in class.

Sasuke is gay. She's never been in the running in the first place. None of them had.

Huh. It was no wonder he'd always tried so hard to escape them. It wasn't just that they'd been annoying him in their pursuit; they'd actively tried to force him to choose one of them completely against his natural inclinations.

"They matter to each other," Kakashi said and Ino focused, realizing that he was looking at her, doubting her ability to understand what she'd just been witness to. The fact that he might have cause to doubt her so causes an uncomfortable pang in her chest, and Ino tries not to identify it as shame. She'd only been in love, she hadn't meant to hurt him.

"We'll leave Sasuke-kun alone," she answers his unspoken question, biting her lip when he just looks at her harder. That stare is flaying.

"You leave them both alone, I should hope," the teacher says very quietly and Ino almost flinches at the threat she can feel underlining the words. Daggers wrapped in velvet sheets.

She hasn't been kind to Naruto. None of them have been kind to Naruto- because he's- well, he's Naruto! The dead-last, the clown of the class, the clumsy moron...

"Ino-san?" Kakashi's near whisper jolts her back from the mental images that were fast-forwarding in her mind. Naruto tripping over his feet. Naruto dropping his kunai in the stream. Naruto pranking the teachers. Naruto getting yelled at (_there were a lot of those, almost too many_). Them taunting Naruto. Ami punching Naruto for accidentally dropping a little paint on her dress. Ino herself, berating him for his deficiencies, comparing him to Sasuke and finding him sorely wanting...

Inaudibly, Ino mouths, "Yes," swallowing the shame. Trying to erase the images.

****xxXxx****

"No, really, girls are soft and comfortable and they have the most amazing breasts," Jiraiya tries again to interest the two boys in the wonders of women.

He's surprised that Minato's kid is so... gay. Minato was all about girls ('specially red-heads) when he was a teenager. It's even stranger to see a gay _Uchiha_. Uchiha's aren't much with the 'new fangled' ideas of youth. Seriously, since the Hidden Villages started, it's kinda surprising that after only a few generations, most people in Naruto's age group don't seem to mind homosexuals.

Homosexuality had pretty much been (unspokenly) banned for most clan members before the rise of Villages.

Not that he _minds_ that Minato's kid is gay; nah, he doesn't much care about his attraction to males, but really? Couldn't he at least have been bi? Who is he supposed to share the wonder of women with if Naruto doesn't even appreciate the female form?

"Ero-sennin," Damn, but the kid doesn't have manners either! "I know exactly what a girl feels like. I... don't really care for them though."

Oh ho! Jiraiya perks up, "You've been with a girl?" Now that he thinks about it, maybe that's not a good thing, considering that Naruto's been with the Uchiha since he became a genin and before that he was much too young to be having sex.

Jiraiya's a perv, but he isn't a pedophile.

"More like, I've been a girl."

... "What?" The Toad Sage has no idea what Naruto means by that.

"Oiroke no Jutsu!"

... Oh. Holy. Good. Goddamn.

"You... are a genius. No, really, can I-" Jiraiya has to stop himself from speaking because he knows that if he keeps talking, he's gonna ask if he can feel the boy up to see how real the transformation is.

Sasuke reaches out and pulls the tall, hot (_naked!_) blonde chick into his arms. "Back away." For a pre-teenage genin, he can be surprisingly intimidating. (Well, Jiraiya thinks the boy is a pre-teen. He's never been good with managing time, but he's pretty sure the Uchiha is a couple months older than Naruto, so the Uchiha could be thirteen for all he knows.)

Jiraiya really wishes that Sasuke were about three years older though, because then he could get some serious research done for his books.

He chuckles in the back of his head. It's actually hilarious to see some mini twelve (thirteen?) year old holding an apparent sixteen year old naked girl around her waist, just under her massive boobs.

... Wait. Jiraiya's face twists and he stares at them, one eye twitching madly, "Have you... When the kid's a girl, have you..."

Sasuke makes a face, then it clears, and Jiraiya wonders how much emotional training the Uchiha's used to give to children because the kid looked disgusted before his face went so _completely_ blank that a Sannin can't tell what he's thinking.

"I would never have sex with Naruto while he is a girl," Sasuke isn't lying, Jiraiya can tell that much though, "-or as a girl myself."

Wow. Jiraiya hadn't expected the Uchiha to know that mind boggling jutsu too.

It is a disappointment that they're both completely gay though. There is no way that they would be able to resist something like _that_ if they had any inclinations towards girls.

There's a poof of air and smoke and then Naruto is back to being a boy. It's a bit of a disappointment because Naruto as a girl is really hot. (Minato's kid. Stop perving on Minato's _son_.)

Jiraiya clears his throat and tries to force him mind back into the original question that the boys had asked him.

"So, you wanted me to train you?"

"Yeah," Naruto doesn't leave Sasuke's arms and Jiraiya really _really_ wants one of them to be a girl because he has no interest at all at seeing 'lovey-dovey' stuff between two males.

"Okay then," To get them out of his face - he can't stand to look at Minato's doppelganger any longer - he says flippantly, "Go walk on water."

He turns around and leaves.

He half hopes that they'll hunt him down again, and half hopes that he never has to be reminded of his failure to Minato again.

He doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed when Naruto doesn't come searching for him again.

****xxXxx****

If there has ever been a time that he'd wanted to avoid using his Gentle Fist in a fight, this was it. No, Neji actually wants to touch Naruto as they're whirling around the arena in front of hundreds of people.  
He is a little startled by Naruto's proficiency with taijutsu. He's been told by more than member of his House that Naruto is the dead last of his age group. Only Hinata has never talked down about his skills, but she kind of stalks the boy – even now -, so he isn't especially surprised to see that Naruto is living up to her reputation.

"Why would you want to hurt her?" The blond asks him, ducking away from his chakra imbued fingers. "She's the nicest girl I've ever known."

Neji reaches out with an attack, but lets himself overextend and his fingers brushed over Naruto's bicep. "She's the embodiment of my slavery," he mutters so quietly he thinks for a moment that the younger boy hasn't heard him.

Instead, Naruto scoffs, "She has nothing to do with your 'slavery', Hyuga-san," the boy grabs Neji's wrist and holds tight, forcing the clan member to utilize the Academy escape jutsu that he's been taught. It's pretty much the only escape jutsu he knows because, as a Hyuga, he is never supposed to be caught.

But the feel of Naruto's hand around his wrist was so good.

It really is too bad that the council has rescinded their decision about splitting Naruto and the Uchiha. Neji had been praying that the boy would get over the Uchiha so that he could subtly court him. But that was over now. Naruto is never to be his.

With anger in his voice - though never shown on his face - Neji bats away Naruto's hands which are searching for his weak spots while he speaks, "You may not have been born into a clan, but you were never a slave; you don't know how it feels to be trapped by a duty you never had a choice to refuse."

Something about what he says angers Naruto and for a brief moment, Neji is scared of the look that he gets from that usually cheerful face.

But no, Naruto wouldn't ever hurt someone with cause, and he hasn't given the boy any cause.

"You only think you've been forced into slavery by your clan. No, unlike what happened to me, Hyuga-san," Naruto is almost shaking with rage and it's very strange to see, "-you are loved by those who are charged with your well-being. This _slave_," Naruto spits out, "-wasn't ever loved until Sasuke decided to look past everything others couldn't."

It hurts that Naruto calls him by his family name. Neji watched Naruto over the month in between the elimination fights and these exhibition fights. Naruto rarely calls his peers - or even his betters - by anything other than their personal name unless it's a nickname that he's thought up for them.

Neji thinks that he's probably the only person within a ten year age range around the Uzumaki that has the _pleasure_ of hearing something so very formal out of his mouth.

He isn't sure what to think about Naruto saying he's a slave either. He knows that the Uchiha wouldn't ever lower himself to picking a lover from the bottom of the barrel, so why he hasn't talked Naruto out of thinking like that is strange.

It gets him angry too, because as poor and clan-less as Naruto is, he's still a free man.

"You know nothing!" Neji intensifies his attacks, bringing his full arsenal to bear on the younger boy. He doesn't care now whether he has feelings for Naruto or not; no he's far to angry. As Neji spins around Naruto's body after closing several of the blond's arms tenketsu he catches a glimpse of the Uchiha's face.

Uchiha Sasuke is completely calm and unperturbed that his lover is going to get his ass handed to him by Neji.

The emotionless bastard. He isn't good enough for Naruto. Neji is so much better than the 'Last Uchiha'. Everyone knows it, that's why he the odds were in his favor in the betting for their fight.

After all, Neji thinks imperiously as he sneers whilst destroying clone after clone of Naruto, everyone knows that the only fights worth watching are his. Even his uncle has come to see his fights.

Suddenly he stops, staring at his fists. His blood covered fists. He looks up with wide eyes to see Naruto standing not three feet in front of him, completely still. His face is covered in tiny chakra cuts that are healing as Neji watches. His bruised lip and eye fade away right before his eyes.

The only thing that doesn't leave is the look in Naruto's blue eyes.

A look of disappointment and something akin to fear, though it really isn't fear.

"You were told to protect your family," Naruto tells him in a tiny voice, "Something any other person would be happy to do. I was made into a monster," one of his hands stray to his stomach and then drops before it actually touches the blond's blue Uchiha shirt, "I was made into a monster to protect the entire village and they hate me for it. You don't know slavery."

There is a sharp pain in the back of his neck and as everything darkens, Neji sees a clone - or maybe it's the original because even the clones had bled - step out of his one, single blind spot.

****xxXxx****

Shikamaru watches with interest as Naruto pulls Sasuke aside before they go racing after the monster that the red head had turned into. He has good skills at lip reading, so he watches closer than normal because really, there isn't anything as interesting in Konoha as their drama at the moment, not the sleep jutsu that didn't subdue him, not the invasion of the Suna and Oto forces, not even the boy who had turned into a monster before the his fight with Sasuke had started.

_It'll be okay, Sasuke. You know I won't die. I love you too much to leave you alone,_ Naruto smiles his sunny smile as he speaks and Shikamaru rolls his eyes. For all that the three of them (Sakura, Sasuke, and himself) plus one ninken are going after the One-Tailed Shukaku, Naruto is going to do something infinitely more dangerous. He's going to face off with Orochimaru at the Sandaime's side.

But that's Naruto for you.

And really. The blond always has been free with his words and emotions so it's not really a surprise that he's declaring his love in public before the possible death of either himself or his lover. Shikamaru thinks Sasuke will probably be embarrassed about how open Naruto is, but then the Uchiha smiles back.

_I love you too,_ the Uchiha whispers. His spine straightens as though he's been infused with strength and squeezes Naruto's bicep, _Be careful_, he whispers again.

_I'm trusting you to stop him,_ Naruto says, _-and to come home safe._

_I will,_ Sasuke lets Naruto lean in and press his nose against his neck.

It's about that time that Shikamaru turns his back on them and lets them do their thing with a semblance of privacy. He's not a voyeur.

"Shikamaru?" Sakura asks him, "Do you know why Naruto is staying here instead of coming with us?"

Before he can answer, Sasuke comes up behind him, "Lets go," the Uchiha commands, taking to the roofs and Shikamaru exchanges looks with Sakura and the small pug dog before following along.

He wonders how this venture is going to fare.

At least he'll get a little vengeance if they all die. Naruto will take Suna apart if anything happens to Sasuke and Sasuke wants to do his best in the eyes of his lover, so Shikamaru's not very worried about how this will end up; one way or another.

***x***

Naruto watches as Sasuke leaves with Shino and Shikamaru and resists the frown that wants to crawl across his face. He does believe in Sasuke, in his cousin's strength, but he can't help but worry. Gaara is a jinchuuriki, and insane; and it hurts that he has to chose his loyalty to Konoha over his loyalty to his family.

He needs to get back into the arena to help the Sandaime because as good as the Old Man is, he isn't exactly in his prime anymore and Orochimaru isn't about to go easy on him. He finds it unbearably hard to move though; hard to look away from Sasuke's retreating back and resist the urge to go after him.

He's pretty sure that Sasuke is survive because they've been training together, but he still worries. Sasuke is the last of his family after all.

There's the beginning of a shimmer from the center of the arena and before the shield completely surrounds Hiruzen-jiji and Orochimaru-teme, Naruto concentrates very hard and with a flash of yellow, he's standing beside Sandaime.

Both men are startled by his appearance, but it doesn't seem to stop Orochimaru from his opening gambit.

Naruto brings his hands up in the _tora_ signal with a vicious smirk on his face and as his eyes bleed red with tomoe circling his elongated pupils, he creates his kage bunshin and looks to the coffin with the number '2' on it.

_Bring it on._

*****xxxXXXxxx*****


	9. Upping the Ante

**Title: **Chapter Seven: _Upping the Ante_

**Author:** _wife-chan_

**Rating:** T

**Warning:** OOCness, Mood!Whiplash, language. Minor lesbianism ;D

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. We are not making any money from this fan fiction.

**Notes:** WE DON'T LIKE OUR SUMMARY ANYMORE. lol So we thought we'd ask to see what kind of summary you lovely reviewers would give Intimate Relations! Please, let us know, we like to know what you guys think when you think of IR.

*****xxxXXXxxx*****

Sasuke collapses to his knees on the roof, his arms wrapped around his cousin. He's fought off the fucking Ichibi! He did it, he took on a bijuu and _won_.

Okay, so he was able to talk the boy out of killing everyone by playing up his love for Naruto, but still! There had been a fight! He survived and _defeated_ the One-Tailed Demon!

The downside to this is that Naruto is hurt. He's hurt bad and there's nothing that Sasuke can do about it. Naruto stirs in his arms and Sasuke looks down. The blond opens his eyes and the sharingan fades with the slit pupils from the Kyuubi.

Sasuke wonders if anyone saw Naruto's sharingan.

Someone clears their throat and Sasuke looks from his cousin to see the Hokage looking down at them, his arms hanging, useless, from his shoulders.

"Sasuke-kun." Sandaime's voice is gravelly, like he doesn't know how to respond to something shocking and Sasuke swallows, scared. Sandaime carefully kneels down, staring at the boy in Sasuke's arms. "I saw Naruto-kun's eyes." He looks back at Sasuke then, "And I know what Kushina's family name was before she was disowned."

Air catches in his throat and Sasuke doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. It's over. Everything they've worked so hard to keep (each other), it's over. The council's rulings can be overturned, but the Hokage's word _is law_.

There's a twinge from his Curse Seal and Sasuke bows his head over his cousin, "Please, Hokage-sama, please don't take him away from me."

"Sasuke," Sandaime purses his lips and then shakes his head, "We will speak of this later." He laboriously gets back to his feet and turns to his jounin and ANBU, commanding them as though Orochimaru hadn't just made him sacrifice his own arms to seal away his ex-students arms.

Soon enough everyone is gone but for Sandaime's personal ANBU and two medics; one poking tentatively at the Hokage's arms and the other standing a little ways away, as though not wanting to get close to Naruto to see if he can help.

Anger pulses through Sasuke and he pins the medic with a stern look, "If you can't see past the prisoner to see the prison, get the fuck out of here. Find someone who can see Naruto as a boy _who just helped Sandaime-sama __defeat Orochimaru_ and managed to save Konoha." He can feel the anger boiling up as he spits out the last word, "-_again_."

"Sasuke," the Hokage reprimands him sharply and Sasuke bows his head again, breathing deeply. "Control your anger. Do not let Orochimaru's seal work against you."

The sudden realization that he's so irrationally angry because of the seal makes him focus and he tries very, very hard to regain his control. Naruto wouldn't want him out of control like this. Because for all that Naruto seems out of control at times, he never actually is.

Naruto's bloody fingers trail over his arm and he watches the black markings retreat from his skin. Naruto smiles brokenly up at Sasuke, who can't help but sob just a little even as he watches Naruto's wounds heal on their own.

Naruto's never had anyone there to heal him, he's always had to do this by himself.

"I'm here now," Sasuke buries his face in Naruto's neck, like Naruto usually does to him, "I'm here now, Naruto."

"-love you," Naruto croaks out and Sasuke nods, not moving his face from Naruto's neck.

"Uh, Uchiha-san?" A voice comes from the side and Sasuke looks up to see a young woman in a healer's garb, "May I approach?" She asks and he nods, keeping his hold on his cousin.

She takes steady steps and her hands are green with chakra when she reaches for Naruto.

"Naruto?" Sasuke asks, wanting to make sure that she's not hurting him. Naruto smiles at him and he's relieved that his cousin is getting treatment. When the medic leans away from Naruto, Sasuke can see that she's fixed most of his wounds. Or, at least, helped his near regeneration ability work faster than ever before.

"Uchiha-san," She turns to him and Sasuke blinks at her in question, "I'd like to look you over as well," she says and reaches for his arm. She takes his elbow and Sasuke startles only for a moment before shaking her off.

"Don't touch me-" He takes a deep breath, "No, I'm fine."

There's a look in her eyes that Sasuke doesn't like and he ignores her as she tries to speak to him again. Instead he focuses on Naruto, helping his cousin to his feet.

The blue shirt Naruto's wearing is almost completely purple with the blood but Sasuke doesn't let that stop him from drawing Naruto into a hug. (He's already covered in Naruto's blood anyway.)

If this is the last time they have together before the Hokage separates them, he's going to stay as close to Naruto as possible.

A person (male or female, Sasuke isn't sure) in a black cloak and white mask appears beside them and gestures for them to follow, moving towards the Hokage Tower. Sasuke and Naruto exchange a look, grasp hands and then follow.

Sasuke is worried.

Their fate is about to be decided.

***x***

Sarutobi Hiruzen had been well aware that the Uchiha boy and Naruto were courting almost as soon as Naruto-kun moved into the Uchiha compound. It had taken a few weeks for him to accept that the two boys' commitment to each other was genuine and not just a phase they were going through brought on by loneliness. It was surprising that such young boys were able to make up their minds about each other so quickly, but he had accepted it, because he had no wish to see that new-found happiness in their eyes fade.

Those two boys truly deserve their happiness.

And here is the root of the problem, Hiruzen thinks. They deserve each other, and have the right to choose their lovers as they want... but Naruto is an Uchiha. His student's student had been secretly dating Uchiha Kushina, Sasuke-kun's mother's disowned sister. He hadn't even considered that very old piece of information until the moment that Naruto had turned from the defeated Nidaime to stare at him with fully evolved sharingan eyes.

Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun are cousins. First cousins. And both of them apparently know this; know, and don't care. Hiruzen isn't sure what to do, a first for him for quite some time. There are separate clan laws for cases of... _incest_, because although that word leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, he knows that is what it is. He's unsure about the Uchiha clan's views on such matters were and doesn't really want to go digging through the old records to find out. Not only does he not want to know, he doesn't want someone else - like Danzo - to find out Naruto is an Uchiha, either, especially not by bringing the old man's attentions to those records.

He hasn't told anyone about the situation, not even those who should ostensibly be informed, like his advisers. He knows they wouldn't approve, and he isn't sure he would be able to blame them for that. He isn't sure _he_ approves, despite knowing how happy the two boys are together.

The only thing good about the situation is that they're both boys and thus neither will be able to bear children. It's not proven that first cousin relations are more likely to have mentally or physically handicapped children, but among people with bloodline abilities, you can never know how the genes will react. Either way though, that point is moot and one less thing to worry about.

He knows he's not looking at things objectively, knows that his relationship with Naruto is coloring his view of this, but isn't sure if he cares. So few things have gone in that boy's favor, and although that apparently hasn't worked against him - just look at the way he fought the Nidaime! - Hiruzen isn't sure if the boy would be able to take being separated from his lover.

And that's another catch in this: Hiruzen doesn't think he'll be able to separate the two, the way things are now. He looks down at his paralyzed arms, considering all the jutsu he's lost. He's sure one of the Sannin would be able to defeat the boy, should it come to that, but he doubts they'd be able to escape without major injuries (he does realize that he might be deluding himself on that point, to make himself feel better about Naruto being so strong. He has to believe that if the Kyuubi suborns Naruto's body, someone will be able to mitigate the damage).

It seems like he never did have to choose whether to accept this arrangement or not, after all. They can't afford to lose a fighter as good as Naruto because Hiruzen might disapprove of something that doesn't harm anyone. (At least he hopes it isn't harming anyone.)

Naruto had seemed so scared when he realized that Hiruzen had seen his sharingan before he'd deactivated it, so scared that he would be condemned, and Hiruzen had looked into those sky blue eyes in the genius boy's face and seen both a competent shinobi and a child.

He considers his arms again and is very happy he has such a handy excuse to avoid making a decision he doesn't want to.

The door opens and one of his personal ANBU lead the two boys into the room. He waves the ANBU off and signals for his other guards to leave the area. He knows that Sasuke and Naruto don't want anyone to know that they're related. He's not sure if it's because they're afraid news will reach Itachi, or if Naruto doesn't want to be ostracized even more, taking his cousin with him.

"Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun." He looks at the pair and he can't seem to drum up a feeling of disappointment or disgust. He loves Naruto like a grandson, how could he disapprove of Naruto finding love? It's just not possible.

"Sandaime-sama," Sasuke bows his head.

Naruto takes his usual approach, though a bit more restrained, "Hiya, Hiruzen-jii-san." He looks like he wants to duck his head in shame, but holds it high, rebellion in his father's blue eyes.

"So, you are cousins." Hiruzen starts, "You know that your mothers were sisters, correct?"

Naruto nods, "Yeah. I-" The blond boy shakes his head, "When I found out that I was half Uchiha, I couldn't stay away, not really."

"How long have you known?" He asks the boy. He wants to know if Naruto knew they were related before they'd gotten together in a romantic sense.

Sasuke finally looks up, "Hokage-sama, please," the boy is desperate and Hiruzen feels bad about scaring him. His guilt isn't about to make him act impetuously though. His guilt has never made him act impetuously. "Please don't take Naruto from me."

"When," Hiruzen repeats, "-did you find out you were Uchiha, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto bites his bottom lip, "I was eight."

Ah. And that would explain why Naruto 'failed' three genin exams. He was obviously manipulating Konoha's shinobi training to remain with his only living cousin after the massacre (the only cousin he would claim after all, Itachi is the only other one he has, and Itachi was the one to take the rest of Naruto's family away). Who he's evidently fallen in love with.

"Sasuke-kun," Hiruzen turns to the public Uchiha, "Who approached who in concerns of this relationship?" Naruto loves Sasuke far too much to let the other boy take any blame so Hiruzen has to ask Sasuke this question. Naruto would lie to even the Hokage to protect Sasuke.

Sasuke blushes, "Naruto approached me," He tells the truth and Hiruzen doesn't know if that means that Sasuke thinks Naruto is strong enough to protect himself from the consequence or if he isn't as protective of Naruto as he is of Sasuke.

"Hiru-jiji?" Naruto's voice is very soft (like he was three years old again) and it sounds almost like he's begging, "Are you going to take him away? I didn't mean to-" He breaks off and turns to stare at Sasuke, "-I didn't mean to anger you by telling Sasuke. I just couldn't work beside him every day without him _knowing_ about it."

If there's one thing that Hiruzen knows for sure at this moment, it's that Naruto loves Sasuke. When Sasuke returns the look, Hiruzen knows that Sasuke also loves Naruto.

He can't separate them. It hurts his heart too much to consider taking someone Naruto loves away from him. But there has to be stipulations. Konoha needs to be strong and that means that he has to be strong. And that means that he sometimes has to do things that he finds reprehensible.

Like what he's about to do.

"I won't separate you, Naruto, Sasuke." The boys light up, impossibly bright and Hiruzen doesn't want to dampen their spirits, but he must. "You may remain together - if Sasuke-kun is willing to father a child in the future to insure the survival of his clan."

Sasuke glances towards him only for a moment and there is an unexpected question of Hiruzen's sanity in his eyes, "Of course I will insure the continuation of my line, Hokage-sama." His eyes turn back to Naruto, "Have no worry about that." He blushes, "Not now, not for a while, but yes. Yes, I will have children."

Well. At least Sasuke has actually thought this relationship through. And he's most likely discussed it with Naruto because Naruto doesn't look jealous to know that Sasuke will be having sex with a woman some time in the future, that Sasuke will be cheating on him in the future. From the look that Naruto is giving Sasuke though, he doesn't consider fathering children to be cheating or a betrayal of their relationship.

Proud of his pseudo grandson's maturity, Hiruzen smiles, "I'm glad to hear that, Sasuke-kun, Naruto."

As the boys turn, hands still clasped together, Hiruzen stops them, "Wait another moment please," Naruto looks to him with curiosity and Hiruzen smiles, "Do you really think that after such a battle that you, that _all of us_ have been through that I would be able to hide either of your abilities? While I'm pleased that you have that much faith in me, far too many people saw what you are capable of, Naruto."

Naruto frowns and cocks his head to the side, "What do you mean, Hiruzen-jiji?"

Hiruzen chuckles, bemused, "I mean: congratulations of your promotions to chuunin, Uchiha Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke."

****xxXxx****

"Hey, Naruto," Shikamaru murmurs when Naruto flops down beside him on the grass.

"Shika." Naruto lounges silently for a moment and Shikamaru doesn't want to disturb the boy. Naruto might be young, might be chuunin like him, but Shikamaru has heard the reports of Naruto's defeat of the Nidaime, of how he'd managed to keep the Sandaime's fight with Orochimaru (_Sannin no Orochimaru!_) evenly weighted. Orochimaru, the resurrected Shodai, and the resurrected Nidaime verses Sandaime-sama and Naruto.

He knows that Naruto is ludicrously strong, has known for a while, but hadn't thought his strength had rose to such heights that it apparently has. If he's done the math correctly, Shikamaru suspects that Naruto is as strong as a Kage plus about half a Sannin. Shikamaru doesn't want to keep thinking about Naruto's monstrous strength though (it's troublesome in several ways), so as he shoves the thought from his mind, Sasuke's dilemma floats up, unbidden, to replace it.

Damn. Shikamaru glances warily to Naruto and figures that he hasn't been told yet that Sasuke had been a victim of a seduction genjutsu. He's sure that if Naruto knew, there would be little pieces of Kabuto scattered around Konoha for the scavengers to pick at.

Finally, he can't take the silence anymore (maybe because Naruto isn't known for silence, or maybe because his head is too full, he doesn't know really), "Congrats Naruto."

"Hmm?" Naruto smiles at him in a confused manner and Shikamaru shrugs a shoulder lazily.

"Congrats on defeating the Nidaime. And helping Sandaime-sama live through the battle. And, of course, making chuunin."

Naruto's hand comes up behind his head and ruffles his hair, smiling widely, "Thanks Shika. Congrats yourself for making chuunin."

He looks embarrassed, and it's not really a look that Shikamaru is used to seeing on the blond. He knows that he has to tell Naruto about Sasuke. It's picking at his brain, insisting to be mentioned.

"Hey, Naruto," Naruto looks at him in question and Shikamaru sniffs lazily, shrugging a shoulder in false nonchalance, "I know something that I should tell you."

Naruto frowns, "What's up? It's gotta be pretty important for you to speak about."

"So," Shikamaru sighs, debating about how to tell this to the blond. It would be far to troublesome if Naruto got angry and started yelling and hunting Kabuto down, but Shikamaru doesn't really feel the need to candy-coat what went down. "When you were separated from Sasuke, he stumbled over me one night and he was really out of it." Naruto is watching him with a keen eye, "Turned out that someone had used a genjutsu on him outside of sparring."

Naruto's voice gets very low and growly, "What kind of genjutsu?"

"A seduction one."

Shikamaru flinches away when Naruto emotes enough killing intent to kill small children and animals through fear and shock alone.

"_Who_?" Naruto queries in a voice Shikamaru's never heard before. Not that Shikamaru is very surprised by this behavior. The teenager has just found out that his lover was assaulted, so it's really to be expected.

He looks at Naruto blankly, not showing how concerned he really is, "Sasuke didn't tell you?"

"_No._" Naruto snarls, "Tell me _who_ did that to him."

Shikamaru sighs and shakes his head. "Troublesome," He mutters. Sasuke could have at least been man enough to be the one to tell Naruto about it. "Yakushi Kabuto. Genin specializing in med. He was adopted by the chief medical officer of the Medical Unit."

It may have been troublesome to have found out that Sasuke had been assaulted, and it may have been troublesome to be dragged into someone else's life, but he was as curious and as thorough as his father had showed him how to be. Thus, he had a lot of information that could be useful to Naruto.

"What else?" Naruto stares at him with a bloodthirsty glimmer to his blue eyes and Shikamaru imagines for a moment that he sees vague streaks of red in them. He couldn't have though, so he dismisses that thought from his conscious mind.

"He failed the genin exam eight times in the last four years. He's nineteen years old. His blood type is AB and he's been missing from the village since the invasion."

Not that Naruto probably cared what Yakushi's blood type is, but Shikamaru considers it information and any information is good information to have.

Naruto snaps his head to the side, face sharp, "Missing?"

"Yep. No one knows where he is. No body though." Shikamaru falls back onto the grass and looks at the clouds. Clouds are so uncomplicated. Just a visible mass of droplets of water or frozen crystals suspended in the atmosphere. Nothing very troublesome at all.

"So, he's a possible Sound-nin."

"Yep." Given, Yakushi was a possible _many-things_; but Shikamaru isn't going to point that out. He's sure that Naruto knows that already and Shikamaru isn't one to say superfluous things. Obviously Yakushi could possibly be a great many different things, but one of the more likely of those things is indeed a Sound-nin.

Naruto growls in a satisfied manner, "Perfect. Then when we hunt down Orochimaru, we'll most likely find Kabuto. And I'll be able to kill him."

Shikamaru blinks in agreement and continues to stare at the clouds.

****xxXxx****

Both of them are as taunt as bowstrings as they sit, stunned, at the dango store counter. They'd come for dango because it was something neither of them were known for liking, and they'd wanted to go unrecognized by the fan club (and everyone else who could possibly be interested in them).

They certainly hadn't expected to find that the Dango Palace, where they had chose to go for a snack, to be the regular haunt of tokubetsu jounin.

"So you're saying that Kakashi-kun was told the council was debating his gay boi's again?" The purple-haired woman from the exam, Mitarashi, leans back in her chair, talking to another of the jounin they'd meet at the exam, Shiranui.

"Yeah," Shiranui shrugs, the senbon in his mouth twirling, "Poor kids. Council's decided that if they can't separate the boys, they wanna get Kakashi to encourage the Uchiha's dominance over Uzumaki. They think the sharingan will help control the..._boy_ in case he goes crazy." He says 'boy' like he wants to say 'monster'.

Sasuke stares at Naruto in wide-eyed horror for several moments before his face clears and his eyes shutter. It only takes Naruto two seconds to come up with a rough plan, and less than a second to convey that he has a plan to Sasuke. Sasuke nods to him, indicating that he'll follow along with whatever it is that Naruto's come up with.

So Naruto stands, making a bit of noise to call the attention of the two tokubetsu jounin to them, and holds a hand out for Sasuke to take. His expression is one of caring with subtle hints of command to it. Enough for betsu-jou to see, should they be looking.

Sasuke smiles daintily and takes Naruto's hand, letting his cousin pull him gently up from his seat. He's obviously already caught on somewhat.

"Thank you, Naruto," Sasuke murmurs and Naruto wraps a possessive arm around his cousin's shoulders.

If the council wants Sasuke to be the dominant one in the relationship, they're about to find out that it's completely opposite to their wishes.

***x***

They speed back to the compound, locking themselves in Sasuke's bedroom and sitting down to talk. This is more than a little upsetting to Sasuke. The council is once again trying to hurt the only family he has left; is once again trying to make Naruto miserable for their own selfish reasons. So they look each other in the eye, and they plot.

It's amazing how much they've gotten to know each other these past months; Sasuke has no trouble at all understanding the basics of Naruto's plan even before his cousin tells him. Naruto looks uncertain, though, like he's half-expecting Sasuke to protest or get angry, and it frustrating Sasuke that Naruto still doesn't seem completely sure of his love for him. That he's still expecting rejection, in some corner of his mind.

So when Naruto is finished outlining the plan, Sasuke adds, "It's not going to be enough to just have me be the submissive one in the relationship; there has to be no doubts whatsoever about my being the uke." And so he shows Naruto, without the explicit statement, that he is prepared to go as far as they need to for this.

He frowns and adds, "I'm not sure how much we can trust Kakashi, honestly-" because he's not, and that hurts. Their teacher didn't fight for them until he understood that it was absolutely no way for them to live separated; maybe Kakashi will consider Sasuke controlling Naruto a 'fair compromise', or some such. Sasuke isn't willing to take the risk that their teacher may be trustworthy if it turns out that he's really not.

Naruto nods, grimacing but obviously agreeing.

"Do you even know how to act submissive, Sasuke?" He asks after a pause, a bit of humor creeping into his tone. The way Naruto manages to keep his mood up, almost no matter what, is quite amazing and Sasuke doesn't doubt that it takes a lot of strength for him to do so. Strength and will. How the council can so utterly miss that their revered Will of Fire burns brighter in Naruto than anyone else, he doesn't understand.

"I suppose I'll simply have to let you lead me," Sasuke answers, smirking. He's not quite comfortable with playing submissive or being _known_ _as_ submissive; but in the end, there is very little he won't do for his cousin. And it's really just a continuation of the prank, since no matter what anyone else thinks, the two of them will know that truth.

And it's not like he's ever really cared what people thought about him anyway. (This thaws some of the unacknowledged nervousness in his stomach.)

"You'll have to fool Kakashi well enough that he considers you for an evaluation," Naruto continues thoughtfully. Sasuke blinks and then realizes the truth of that statement. Without an evaluation, it would just be Kakashi's word against another's - this has to be official.

Sasuke grimaces a little, considering that.

"Who is usually called on for evaluations?"

Naruto's faces twists, he drags a hand through his hair and then looks up with his lips upturned in grim amusement.

"Yamanaka Inoichi."

Sasuke stares. He's going to have to practice for this. A lot.

****xxXxx****

Kakashi lounges in the tree, reading a non-porny book disguised in an Icha Icha cover. Not that he wouldn't love to be reading some porn right now, given that its been _weeks _since he'd last read anything, but no. No, he is instead supervising his two new chuunin during their training.

Not that Naruto apparently needs training.

Because, holy shit. Naruto went up against the Nidaime and fucking won. _Holy Shit_.

No, it was more along the lines of Kakashi not wanting the boys to get to... frisky, while they spar. And they need the practice even if they are amazingly good. There is more to fighting than power, after all.

He wanders a lazy eye over Sasuke's form and can see where Naruto is influencing everything in his life because the fast taijutsu that he'd taught the teen before the invasion now has a distinctly animalistic tint to it.

Abruptly, Naruto grabs Sasuke by the waist and buries his nose in Sasuke's neck. Sasuke arches into him and Kakashi clears his throat.

They're allowed to be together again, but he's - somewhat desperately - hoping the boys learn a little discretion.

Naruto glares at him for a moment before grinning widely and taking Sasuke's hand. He starts towards Kakashi and Sasuke mutters, "No, Naruto, come on, we don't have to-"

"Come on, Sasuke," Naruto's voice has a bit more command in it then usual and Kakashi cocks his head to the side. This is new. Not surprising for some of their sexual relationship to bleed into the rest of their life though, so he's not too worried.

Sasuke capitulates and allows himself to be dragged over to Kakashi.

Before Naruto can say anything, Jiraiya appears with a bamph of smoke and a long, loud introduction. Sasuke and Naruto just sort of _look_ at him, like they aren't impressed. Kakashi grins.

"Jiraiya-sama~!" He sings out, allowing himself to roll off the tree branch and drop to the ground. He hits the grass in a crouch and stands quickly with a small twirl, "It's so good to see you!"

Naruto looks taken aback for a moment then a sly smile overtakes his previous grin, "Eh? Kakashi-sensei's gay for Jiraiya-ero?"

Kakashi rears back, visible (and covered) eye wide, "NO! No, Naruto, I'm not 'gay for Jiraiya'."

Naruto doesn't look convinced and even Sasuke and Jiraiya are looking at him funnily, "Doesn't look that way to me, being all excited and shit when he shows up."

Kakashi rolls his eyes. Only Naruto would think that his excitement is because he's gay. He's heard that a lot of gay people saw gayness where there wasn't any because they were looking for it. "I'm excited because Jiraiya-sama writes Icha Icha."

Then it's Naruto's turn to roll his eyes and he tugs on Sasuke's hand, "Come on, Sasuke, let's leave Kakashi-sensei to his not-gay enthusiasm about being around Jiraiya-ero."

Sasuke doesn't look like he wants to leave but when he tries to stay where he is, Naruto sort of glares at him and lowers his voice, "Come on, Sasuke."

The Uchiha boy bites his lip and moves to follow his lover.

"Wait up, there, Naruto," Jiraiya holds up a hand, "I have something that concerns you."

"Like what?"

Jiraiya smirks, "We have a mission."

Kakashi blinks. If there was a mission for his team he should have been the first to know about it. He doesn't like anyone, even Jiraiya, interfering with his team.

"Really?" He's not questioning Jiraiya (as if he had any right to!) but he is worried. Why is his team being split up?

"Oh," Jiraiya speaks with large movements and impressive hand gestures, "-it's just a mission for Naruto and myself. Well, Hiruzen-sensei thought I might like to take Naruto with me, really."

Kakashi knows why Jiraiya is interested in Naruto, because it's just like the original reason Kakashi was interested until he'd had come to like Naruto for himself instead of as his sensei's son.

But he doesn't know if _Naruto_ knows why Jiraiya is interested. It doesn't seem like something that Sarutobi would discuss with the boy.

Naruto's face scrunches up and he looks Jiraiya up and down for a moment. "Yeah, no thanks, ero-sennin." He scoffs, "I'm not a sub and I'm not looking for a dom. And if I was, I'd be more likely to go after Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi... doesn't really know how to respond to the fact that he apparently has qualities that Naruto... _likes_.

A sound that is frighteningly familiar to _ruffled feathers_ comes from Sasuke and the Uchiha stares at Naruto, "Naruto," he hisses, "What are you doing?"

"Aw, Baby," Naruto puts a possessive arm around Sasuke, "You know that you wouldn't argue with me too much about taking a lover."

Sasuke continues to stare at Naruto for a moment before bowing his head, "I guess not, Naruto."

That... is a little more than usual 'uke' behavior, Kakashi thinks to himself. That's more submissive behavior and Kakashi has to wonder when Naruto and Sasuke evolved their relationship that far. If that is indeed what it is.

Jiraiya smirks, "Boy, I don't want you in my bed. I'd prefer a gorgeous set of red-head twins. No, this is just a retrieval mission. We're going to get Senju Tsunade."

Kakashi latches onto the name and cuts a discerning look at the Sannin in front of him. "Jiraiya-sama?"

Jiraiya's smile is almost too large for his face, "Hiruzen-sensei wants her to take over for him."

Butting in, Naruto is all belligerence, "I'm not going unless Sasuke comes with me."

Is it Kakashi's imagination, or is Sasuke blushing? It's tiny, but it's there. How strange.

Ah well. To the matter at hand. "Naruto-"

"Sure!" Jiraiya boasts grandly, throwing his arms wide, "Of course he can come. We won't be gone for very long."

"Now, wait a minute," Kakashi raises a hand, "Sasuke and Naruto are on my team-"

"And the Hokage told me that I could take anyone I wanted with me," Jiraiya's tone holds no more warning than a parent telling off a toddler and Kakashi feels a little abashed at his behavior. It's not his place to be questioning or refusing Jiraiya. There are very few people that outrank Kakashi, but Jiraiya is one of them.

"Of course, Jiraiya-sama," Kakashi bows his head.

Naruto cheers and hugs Sasuke to him, lifting him a little and spinning around. Sasuke is _still_ blushing and Naruto finally puts him down. "Awesome! So, when do we leave?"

Kakashi doesn't know what the feeling in his chest is, but he can imagine that it's something that parents feel when their children move out.

Naruto and Sasuke are moving on to a different teacher. Not forever, he knows that, but still. They're going to have someone else to lean on now.

"Meet me at the South Gate tomorrow at eleven," Jiraiya tells the boys, "Pack light and bring money."

"Mmm?" Naruto cocks his head to the side and Jiraiya laughs boisterously.

"We'll be doing a lot of gambling over the next week or so. Tsunade-hime likes her gambling."

The boys nod again before rushing off together.

Kakashi supposes that if the kids are leaving, he might as well be magnanimous because they will be coming back to him. So he offers one warning before leaping away with a grin stretching his mouth wide under his mask.

_Beware inappropriate displays of affection._

****xxXxx****

Jiraiya blinks as he wakes up. He doesn't know what woke him up, but whatever it was, it's happening inside the small camp the three shinobi had set up. He rolls to his side to check on Naruto and Sasuke to see if anything's happened and frowns when he sees the boys sitting at the campfire.

Now, he understands that the pair of them are a couple and he remembers the vague warnings about PDA's that Kakashi had given him before he'd left Konoha, but he's still not sure what's going on.

"Does anyone other than Sarutobi-sama know?" Sasuke's quiet voice says and Jiraiya perks up. He wants to know what they're talking about if it involves his sensei.

"No, he was the only one that saw when I fought that old dude with white hair, the one that Orochimaru brought back from the dead." Naruto's voice is just as quiet as Sasuke's.

Wait, were they talking about what Hiruzen-sensei had told him? About Naruto going toe to toe with the Nidaime?

It seems they are.

"Are you sure that he won't change his mind? Is... is he going to separate us when we get back...?" Sasuke sounds scared as he trails off and Jiraiya is more than a little shocked. An Uchiha? Scared? (Or rather: An Uchiha, showing that he's scared?)

"Come here," Naruto pulls Sasuke into his arms and Jiraiya rolls his eyes when the boy nuzzles at Sasuke's neck, "No one can take you from me. You know that. We didn't let the council break us apart, we aren't going to let Hiruzen-jiji do it either. Besides, Hiruzen-jiji said it was okay and he doesn't lie to me."

Sasuke sighs and Jiraiya's mouth quirks up into a sly grin. After hearing that Naruto can take on a Hokage - even one that had been dead for a while - he knows that no one is going to be taking anything away from the blond without a huge fight. One that Naruto will probably win.

"Naruto-" Sasuke breathes the name out and Jiraiya frowns. What is he..?

"I don't like this on you," Naruto's growl is muffled, "I don't like this seal on you," He says again, "You're mine, not his."

Sasuke snorts, "Then prove it to me."

Sasuke is an arrogant little bastard, Jiraiya thinks with some amusement.

Naruto pulls the Uchiha to the ground, straddling his hips, "You," He bites the boy's neck, "Are," His collarbone, "Mine." Sasuke's shirt is pulled up over his head and Naruto nuzzles the thin teenager's chest over his heart.

Sasuke yelps, then giggles. "N-Naruto!" His hiss is as quiet as he can make it, but it still would have woken Jiraiya up if he hadn't already been awake, "You're going to wake him up!"

"Don't care. I don't care if he sees..." Naruto licks the naked neck and Jiraiya decides that now is a good time to roll back over and pretend that he's not listening. "I want you here, with me, forever. I've claimed you, Sasuke."

Sasuke sighs and there is the sound of clothing ruffling and Jiraiya realizes what Kakashi meant about 'inappropriate displays of affection', because dear gods, they're going to have sex; while he is lying right here, not ten feet from them.

And Naruto didn't seem to care about that.

Jiraiya is straight, thank you very much. Yes, he likes girl-on-girl as much as the next heterosexual man, but he's never, _never_ thought about two guys getting it on. At least, not seriously.

There is a growl - from who, he doesn't know - and then a shuffle, another yelp, then a sigh and a half giggle.

He is _not_ listening to this all night. He is _not_ going to listen to this for the entire trip. Gods, no.

So he channels chakra to his ears. Instead of opening his ear canals and enhancing his ability to hear things, he shields them. A nice, easy solution.

Not one that he can continue to employ after tonight, given the dangers surrounding the boys, but one that will work for one night. He's just going to have to tire them out with training tomorrow so they have no energy for this kind of stuff later on.

Naruto will enjoy learning his father's technique, he thinks, the Rasengan. That's _fairly_ tiring. And he knows that the Uchiha likes flashy jutsu, so maybe he'll have to steal Kakashi's Chidori and teach him that, if he doesn't already know it.

At least he'll be able to sleep then.

****xxXxx****

Naruto preens in front of the mirror, patting and pushing at his new- attributes. The only reason that he looks like this now is because Jiraiya is out.

Not really a surprise that Jiraiya is out - Sasuke has noticed that the man isn't really one to hang around, especially in a town containing either gambling halls or hookers. (Sasuke can't blame the gambling halls for dragging their new "_teacher_" away because apparently this Tsunade that they're looking for is supposed to frequent them. A lot.)

"Naruto?" Sasuke leans on his elbow, looking at the blonde bombshell wearing a frighteningly skin baring yellow and orange and blue kimono. "What are you doing?" Sasuke has seen Naruto's regular Oiroki no Jutsu and this for is different. Her cheeks aren't marked and her hair is more honey blonde than sun blonde and it's not in pigtails. She looks to be about the same size... clothing-wise though.

"Well," the strange woman in Sasuke's room replies huskily, "We have to blend in, right? We don't want whatever is left of Orochimaru knowing that we're looking for, or that we've found, Tsunade." _She_ spins gaily, whipping her long hair from her face. "This is the perfect cover!"

If he weren't related to the blonde, Sasuke is pretty sure that he'd be all over her right now. Thankfully his hormones are censored by his morality, so he doesn't find his now devastatingly sultry cousin a walking sex symbol.

Or. Well. He does, he just doesn't react like he does.

"Okay, so I'm escorting a-" Sasuke pauses here and then smirks at his cousin, "_-lady of leisure_ to the bars and casinos?"

"Oh, Darling," Naruto giggles behind her hand, blue eyes twinkling. Sasuke is pretty sure that her eyes are blue. They seem to be flashing between blue and green when he really looks close, "No, no, you're going to join me in a body of the female persuasion." Naruto's feminine face lights up and he bites his lip winningly.

It takes a moment for what Naruto means to actually get through to Sasuke.

"What?" It's not really an exclamation, more of a confused and irritated snarl, and Sasuke sits upright on the bed, "Naruto-"

He - though Sasuke is going to have to start thinking in female pronouns because Naruto very rarely doesn't get his... _her_ way - hunches her shoulders and the movement bunches up her very generous bosom and Sasuke pulls his gaze back up to her face.

"Darling, we can't be known as Konoha shinobi." Naruto saunters seductively to Sasuke and drops to her knees in front of him, "Not even Itachi can see through this jutsu." She juts out her slender jaw and trails her long fingers over his thighs.

"Naruto," Sasuke leans backwards, pulling his head back enough to glare down at his cousin, "Seriously?"

"No one is going to be looking for a couple of hot chicks, are they?" Naruto slides from her knees to her ass, leaning against Sasuke and fluttering her eyelashes, "And really, if we happen to come across Jiraiya while we're girls? Even better!"

"So," Sasuke considers Naruto's plan closely, trying to find a down side. Obviously he'll have to play a girl, but really, what's playing a girl when he's pretending to be his cousin's lover? That won't be nearly as much of a problem. "You look like pure porn, how am I supposed to look?" He finally asks, a smirk twisting his lips up.

Naruto breaks out into the biggest grin Sasuke has seen in a long time and she claps her hands excitedly, "Oh! Oh, Darling! That's so perfect!" She tosses her long, light blonde curls over her shoulder and makes a pouting sex face, "If I'm going to be porn, you will be erotica."

Well, Sasuke thinks with a mental shrug, at least he can be demure and hide and blush when Naruto's mouth runs away with her. Naruto's much better suited to be 'porn' anyway, what with her bust size and miles of tanned golden leg. Being 'erotica' will let him wear a lot more clothing too, which is nice because he's not one to be flashing people left, right, and centre.

He stands up and steps around Naruto before bring his hands up into the modified ram seal that Naruto had shown him. He focuses on Naruto's particular chakra patterns when doing his Oiroke no Jutsu and with a the smallest puff of smoke, feels his body change.

He may have previously told Jiraiya that he knew the Oiroke, but he's never done it before.

Long arms encircle his waist, a chin rests on his shoulder, and he looks towards the full length mirror with trepidation.

Looking back at him are two women. One, already having been dubbed porn, with her arms around a brunette's waist. Sasuke's own dark hair is just brushing her shoulders and her eyes are so large that Sasuke isn't sure that she looks quiet sixteen yet. Her cheeks are pale and just looking at Naruto pressed up against her female form makes Sasuke blush.

It's quiet a pretty blush, when he actually lets himself think about it.

"Ready to go out on the town?" Naruto practically moans into her ear and Sasuke blushes deeper, knowing that if she'd have been male there most definitely been a physical reaction to that voice.

"What about names?" Sasuke whispers, looking over her shoulder shyly.

"Do we really need names, Baby?" Naruto kisses her cheek, leaving behind a party pink lip outline.

Sasuke licks her lips and nibbles on her bottom lip, "I- I guess not," she looks at Naruto from beneath her eyelashes, "Darling."

Naruto breaks character to cackle for a moment before composing herself and taking Sasuke by the hand and leading her out of the hotel, towards the first of many gambling establishments.

***x***

Waiting for the sake to take to Tsunade again, Shizune leans against the counter with a sigh. A sudden commotion near the doors catches her attention and she looks over. For a moment she can't see much other than gathered bodies, and then a seemingly miraculous corridor between her and the doors open and she notices what's caught everyone attention.

However gay she isn't, Shizune can most certainly tell a beautiful woman. The fact that there are two? Cuddling together and laughing and giving each other tender touches? She can see how that would cause a distraction.

The yelling of her shishou calls her attention back to the sake that the waiter is holding limply as he stares at the blonde and brunette, eyes glazed over.

Taking advantage of the women's presence, Shizune absconds with the sake without paying for it - not that she has much money left with how Tsunade is gambling today. Besides, she's a ninja, isn't she? - and starts back over to the craps table to hand the alcohol over.

"Shizune! Sake!" Tsunade pretty much bellows into her ear as she returns to the table and Shizune places the alcohol on the table by her elbow, pouring the first drink. Tsunade tosses the glass of liquid back like it was water and goes straight for the bottle.

Shizune just sighs. She shuffles her way off to the side of the room and makes a promise to keep an eye out on her shishou.

Noise causes her eyes to drift back towards the bar and she can see the two women - though barely legal age - cuddled together, the blonde's arm over the exotically pale woman's shoulders. The pale woman with dark eyes has one hand around the buxom woman's waist, her fingers stretching just to reach inside the first fold of the far too open kimono on her lover.

And they are lovers because they can't possibly be anything else.

Damn, Shizune shakes her head, what she wouldn't give to be that well endowed and 'perky'. It doesn't really matter to the medic that she knows how many problems come with being that top heavy (back pain, gropage, sagging, etc...) she still wouldn't mind having a little more to advertize.

The blonde looks up suddenly, catching her eye. The blue - maybe a little green - eyes twinkle at her and the taller of the lovers, of the lesbians, leans down to whisper in the pale woman's ear.

The exotic - and erotic - woman looks towards her and then her eyes get a shine to them as well. She licks her lips and kisses the fingers on one of the blonde's hands and blushes as she whispers back.

Shizune is morbidly curious to what they're talking about.

Looks like she's going to find out though, because they've started moving in her direction, their eyes pinning her where she stands.

"Hello," The blonde smiles at her winningly, bouncing on her toes. It does fascinating things to her breasts and if Shizune had been a lesbian, she would have been very distracted. About as distracted as the blonde's lover is.

The brunette blushes and turns her smoky eyes from her lover's _assets,_ to Shizune, "We, um, noticed you," she murmurs in a soft voice, "-over here, looking... comfortable."

Shizune frowns internally, not wanting to offend the women. "Really?" She asks, wondering what these impossibly beautiful women want with her.

The blonde lights up and she nods enthusiastically, "Yes! We thought that maybe, because we're so new at this," she strokes her lover's side with a possessive hand, "-we could get some pointers from someone with more experience!"

It doesn't take more than a nano-second for Shizune to realize what the blonde is talking about.

"I'm sorry," she leans in to the couple a little bit, "-but I'm not gay." She feels bad about turning the two away, but she hasn't got _any_ experience with lesbianism, so she can't help the couple.

The thought makes her pause then. Wait- was she just invited to an _all-girl threesome_?

Shizune is pretty sure that things like that only happen in books and the thought of being pretty enough to catch these women's attention is very ego boosting.

"Oh!" Blonde giggles, covering her mouth with her hand, "How about gambling then?" She wiggles her eyebrows and Shizune blinks, not quite comprehending what she means.

Then it hits her. She's read something like this in one of her shishou's teammate's books (which she'll never admit to reading). It's rather shocking to find those books good for something other than causing nosebleeds. The blonde is asking to put her sexuality up for a bid and if she looses, she owes them a threesome.

Absently she wonders what she would get if she won.

"Ahh, I'm, uhm, not really a gambler," She mutters, ducking her face away. She would have been perfectly happy with ending the awkward encounter there, but then Tsunade starts waving a maniac hand in the air.

"Shizune! Sake!"

Shizune blushes and edges away from the predator-ish blonde, "I apologize but please, excuse me," she finally gets around them and hurries her way to her shishou.

"Well! Obviously she's going to take _her_ offer over ours!" The blonde doesn't seem put out or angry, so Shizune is thankful that she hasn't insulted the women.

(Though, she has to wonder why the blonde would consider Tsunade's 'offer' better than theirs. There's two of them and the blonde is at least as large as her shishou. If she was a lesbian, two would absolutely win over one. Unless she was in love. Which she's not.)

***x***

Sasuke sighs a little, leaning back on Naruto's shoulder. "How are we ever going to learn how to gamble if anyone with experience refuses to teach us?" She'd been so sure that the girl, Tsunade's assistant, would agree to teach them. They are rather irresistible, after all.

And given the despairing looks that Tsunade is getting from her assistant, they are sure that the woman knows how to gamble.

"I suppose that we could just _not_ do what Tsunade's doing," Naruto muses, running her slender hand up Sasuke's side, giving Sasuke a set of shivers. She finally nods.

"Sure, Darling." It's not technically a bad plan, and Naruto has always been very good at off-the-cuff plans.

Besides, they had a lot of money for Naruto to learn with.

*****xxxXXXxxx*****

**Again, we'd love to hear what kind of summary you guys would give IR :D**


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